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Beckett Green Aug 2019
Hurt, angry, confused, lost, struggling
Put the mask on so they can't see and judge
"What do you have to be upset about?"
What I perceive as stressors don't matter to you
Under pressure
Feeling low
Weak under the weight
Swinging my arms, flailing, trying to grasp
But not making solid contact
No idea what to do
Except keep wearing the mask
Everything's fine.
Beckett Green Sep 2018
I opened up my heart for you.
Wanted to show you. Wanted to share.
You glanced, but you never came inside.
I wanted to take a look inside yours.
But you didn't open it for me.
Unwanted, I closed mine up again.
Beckett Green Sep 2018
Filled with nerves and fear
My crew behind me for support and a gentle push
I step out through the curtain and into the blinding light
Cheerful music, bright colors, and a boisterous crowd

Possibilities.

I step toward the ring and look up
A warm smile with an outstretched hand
Beckoning toward the sky

I remove my cape.

I reach for the first rung on the shiny metal ladder in front of me
Up
Up
Up
Each step becomes easier
Adrenaline and excitement driving me higher
Propelling me forward

I reach the platform and marvel at the view
New fluttering in my stomach gives me pause
But looking out across the open air
Is the friendliest face I’ve seen in quite some time
I’m mesmerized
Renewed and energized

Are you ready?

Reaching out for the bar in front of me
I tighten my grip, close my eyes, take a deep breath
Jump

The rush of air on my face is amazing
Feeling almost weightless
I open my eyes to see that friendly face again
Something in those eyes is both exhilarating and calming at once
I sense strength and safety immediately
My mind and body both relax
Swinging back and forth
My eyes locked on those friendly eyes
Lost in those eyes
In the depth of those eyes

Feeling more free than I’ve felt in years
A new set of arms outstretched
Feeling ready for another rush
Another high
Ready to release into these arms
And feel safe again

Another deep breath
And I let go
I reach out

Suddenly a shift
I feel gravity
The outstretched arms are moving away
Swinging away

I’m falling.

Looking up, wind rushing past my body
Watching my intended target shrink away
Losing sight of the friendly face
Losing sight of those eyes

Frightened and confused
Faster I fall
Until suddenly a jolt
Rope against my skin
I’m bouncing back upwards
And back I fall again

I’ve hit the net.

Body sore from the impact
Mind sore from the fall

I lie here
Bouncing slowly
Up and down
Body motionless
Eyes open
Wondering what happened
How I got here

Where is my cape?

— The End —