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Rebecca Sep 2021
I hate her.
And her.
And her too.

Any of them.
All of them.

Because they hurt you.
Because they left you.
Because they didn't have any idea
what they had
when they had you.

But mostly because
you felt for them
what you don't for me.
Rebecca Jul 2021
you say it's ok for me to stay
but when I awaken
in the middle of the night
and feel your stillness
hear your deep, even breaths
i hold my body paralyzed
hold my lungs steady
for fear of disturbing
this elusive rest
this rare recharge
this calm.

but also in fear you will awaken,
remember I'm here,
and be disappointed.
sorry. it's only me.
Rebecca Jun 2021
i've learned well
what it feels like
to be both happy and unhappy
in the very same moment
in the very same breath.

in this transience
in these heartbeats
comfort, joy
and despair
all become one in the same.
i'm never more happy
and more sad all at once
as when I'm near you.
my dear sweet friend,
hug me again. let me feel it all.
Rebecca Apr 2021
keeping quiet
seems to be what I'm best at.
while my thoughts are screaming
and my pen is moving furiously to let them escape.
my mouth does not betray my secrets
but my eyes are another story.
if you pay attention,
you may see everything.
the quiet can become the noise
to someone who might take a closer look
Rebecca Mar 2021
I’ve settled for the scraps for so long,
snapping up what gets tossed my way
like a feral dog
desperate for sustenance.

So frantic am I to consume
these crumbs of nourishment,
ever-focused on the next bite,
that savoring each taste isn’t possible.

Instead I willfully ignore the lack of real nutrition,
and anxiously await the next throw.
I can only imagine what a full meal from you would taste like.
Rebecca Mar 2021
I’ve left the door open for years
Despite the change of seasons
Despite the lack of entry

A few attempts to close it
Have gone with limited success
More often your foot has gotten in the way

Occasionally you’ll disappear long enough
For the latch to click
But the lock has always refused to engage

Still I lean against the wood
Head back
Eyes closed
Long exhale
Maybe I’ve done it this time

Before long though
I swear I can feel you on the other side
Breathing
Heart beating
Energy penetrating the barrier

And before I know it
It’s open again
Waiting, watching
To see if the threshold will be crossed this time
Rebecca Feb 2021
what violent eyes you have
ripping open my half-healed wounds
every time you look at me

bruised heart and tender scars
aching again
pulsing as though the fracture was new

every time
if only i could avert my gaze.
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