I scream mercy into the unrelenting darkness and there is no let up, there is no tenderness to be found.

All there is, is what I make of it.

Kick and claw and pry and push. It makes a mockery of my efforts. I sally forth unyielding.

I lose ground, I gain. Exhaustion overwhelms me.

For a moment.

My resolve shows cracks. I put it to flame as so much steel and reforge. I am relentless.

I am nothing but my conviction.

I will show it no mercy.

i look at these pictures
and wonder where you were
i wonder why you weren't in them
and think how much wider my smile would be if you were

then i remember why
and i remember how
then the gravity hits me
and i am a mess

now all i can do is hope
that we will one day have our pictures
now i know i won't rest until
that day, that one day

you are missed
you were missed
we were missed
we will fix it

You may not think
I want to
But.
I’d gladly.

You can see the scars on my face
Both above and below my skin
You can see them in my eyes
When I look at you
You can see where I have been
Some are old, others fresh
None have closed
But I’m working on it

The funny thing?
Door’s never been closed
Not once.



So come home

We all struggle in our lives in one way or another. We all have setbacks and roadblocks we must overcome.

How we do that is what makes us who we are. Who we do that with...and for, is what makes life worthwhile.

We don’t always get to choose our circumstances, in fact, we rarely do. We make the best of what we have and hope for the best. If we have the strength and the will and the means we can change our circumstances if we are not happy.

We can. Don’t ever think you’re trapped, because you’re not.

YOU. ARE. NOT.

All of this is too short to stick ourselves in a place where we are unwelcome or don’t belong. It’s too short to settle for mediocrity and unhappiness.

So fight, if you need to. Rest, if you need it. Most importantly, make your world the way you want it, make it a place where you can be yourself.

Make your world - home.

You see what you want to
I see what I need to

I’ll no longer pay your dues

You are on your own

That first dance is our eternal one
Decades and distance split us
But did not deter us
And we never stopped dancing
we never could

I’d rather expect good
From others
And be disappointed
Than expect the worst
And be reminded

The worst part of being alone
Is that there’s no one to share your food with.

I swear I’m aflame and drowned and soaring and buried.

All of it from you.

How do you do that?

It’s the brushing off of my eyebrow when there’s something stuck to it.
It’s the smile when I crack a corny joke.
It’s ordering me a drink before I realize I need another.
It’s when you know I posted something on social media that’s just for you.
Its my demons that don’t matter to you.
It’s the look in your face and the tremble in your voice when you tell me to come home.
It’s the kiss on your forehead.
It’s sleeping through the night peacefully.
Its me not knowing how I ever got through life before you.
It’s the people who notice us in crowds and are compelled to smile.
It’s love of youth that was lost and then regained.
Its what’s next.

I tingle.

Because it’s you.

Only thing I’ve ever been good at
Has been getting back up

I prefer not to use
Overly ornate phrasing
And descriptions
Because if you let your mind
And your heart
Do the walking
They’ll take you anywhere
And I’ve done my job

What’s it matter if you’re not loved all the other days, too?

I like to watch
videos of
people fixing
broken things and
making them new
I hope I can
do that for me

Broken pieces of things I never learned how to throw away never stop eating away at my spirit and break it into same sized pieces and I can’t throw away any of it now because I can’t tell which is which

Melting snow
Frozen over
Life’s like that
You melt then
You harden
‘Til one day
You are gone
Only to
Reappear
Another way

In tears comes conviction.

I know I’m broken
But I always hope I can be fixed

I know I’m sad
But I always push myself to be happy

I know there’s nothing ahead
But I always strive to stay on the path

I know I’m alone
But I always try to make friends

I know none of me matters
But I can’t help it

I go to work and go to war there.
I sweat and swear and I bleed there.
I dread it and can’t wait to get back to it.
Never stop working.
Never stop fighting.
Never stop learning.
Never stop forging.

I let nothing get in my way.

That’s why I win.

Of all the things in this house



My phone is the quietest

They say I should shine my light on the world.

But the world never gives back.

it’s my light, I’ll show it to whomever I **** well choose.

And we’ll both be better for it.

It doesn’t make any sense
We had our shot
But...I...
you’re here at my door again
And...I...
...love you
I love you

We make our words
And we make our stand
We say to those who see
Who we are and what we do and
How.
And why.

And we want you to know
And we want you to hear
And we want you to understand

We love we hurt we cry and laugh
Tears fall and we hope they get picked up

Because we want you to know.

But mostly.
We want to know.

We never got our dawning.
And it’s my fault.

All we have is what should have.
And I’m afraid.

But I hope.
Do you?

Do you see the daisies and the feathers?
Do you see the silver fire? Do you feel it?

I do.
So I hope.

You cannot convince me otherwise that the fates deem we chase one another eternal.

The only change is whose turn it is.

I’ve lost you, for now, once again.

Sadness creeps in and I’m reminded.
Your turn next. See you soon. I love you.

Maybe we’ll get it right next time.