When the blackened smoke
Leaves the trapper’s chimney

When the sun
Begins to rise

I will run
I will have had the courage

To rip off the leg
Stuck in the trap

And when his dogs
His soldiers of fortune

Bark and bellow
Surely

I will die

has my heart
bled for too long?

have I coated those I love
in my own blood?

perhaps

perhaps it's just
the order of things?

perhaps
I'm meant to bleed?

maybe my blood
may help others

and maybe
just maybe

I do deserve love
and a caring hand

perhaps
I am worthy

yes
yes I am

I've done
everything I can

I've done good
finally

I've done good.

it's good enough
just to try.

Failure
yet another failure

with sense
or liquor

it could never
be averted

then again
it was after you

he was a magnum
to my helpless heart

unexpected
powerful

you both set me alight
and watched as I burned

here is my charity
the poem you asked for

perhaps you wanted this
to hurt me to see more

you always did
love to read

these sad lines
these cries for help

sedate me
with sweet melody

deprive me
of words only we see

with you
sleep left too

my eyes don't function
not like they did

where there was hope
there is abyss

you destroyed our world
with one fell swoop

you
could never be mine

could you?

This is suffering
this is silence

to pierce my ears
like a sine lance

skin is paper
for the universe to burn

I will not
ever ever learn

God will it go away
this infernal pain

let me stop writing
writing away the pain

no longer is there meaning
only feelings

please someone
this is a cry for help

please someone
this is a cry for help

please please god

anyone

LET THE MUSIC STOP
LET IT GO

PLEASE

THERE IS NO ANGER
ONLY ANGUISH

PLEASE
HELP
HELP
HELP
I AM NOT A POET
I NEED HELP
I AM STRUGGLING
I NEED HELP
I AM FIGHTING
LIKE I WAS TOLD TO
NEVER ENOUGH
PLEASE I'M CRACKING
PLEASE I CAN'T BLEED
I CANNOT BREATHE
I NEED YOU
I NEED A RELEASE
I NEED
A SAFETY FOR THIS TRIGGER
GOD IT NEVER STOPS
PLEASE
PLEASE
PLEASE
let it end
let it go
let me live
among the snow
that forest
of lies
is so repulsive
please
never go back
I won't
I never will

but it's coming after me
security in trees
the cracked walls
that hold my insecurities
please
god
it isn't going away
it's been so long
it doesn't leave
it doesn't form words
not real ones
I can't structure
in this muffled padded room
let me out
LET ME OUT
I WANT OUT
NOW HELPhelphelpnowgodhelpmenowhelpmenot losehelpmelivehelpmeliehelpmediehelpmelivehelpme diehelp me drive off a cliff help it go help it all help it all die die die leave leave leave shut the door shut the door SHUT IT SHUT IT NOW SHUT SHUT NOW NOW NOW I NEED HELPTHERE IS NO HELP NOT FOR ME NO PLEASE HELP IT'S GOINGgoinggoing control gone is here control is here please lock it away these scars will fade and you will live today

here one day
gone the next

just like
summer morning dew

beautiful and flourishing
until burned by the sun


it's like a knife
cutting daffodils

brutal, efficient
uncompromising

******


gasoline
poured on embers

embers
that hoped to die


I'll burn it all
all of it

and watch the flames


watching it all
slip hopelessly


into oblivion

I've seen
the woods and trees

the crooked stars
that lie between

and the stares
of hollow oaks


yes please
please spare some pity

let these rags
mend with twigs

and I'll ****
just to be worthy


hey there
you aren't a razor

what are you doing
in my home?

have I
taken the role?

have I

done it again?

Why

Why is your touch
So sweet

But your smell
Is horrid

Cigarettes
Their smell

Was never meant
To enter my lungs

Yet here we are

Little do you know
My dear

That I scrub myself
To get rid of the stench

Every time you go
I question myself

I question why
Why I beckon you back

When we rest together
The scent isn’t there

When you’re gone, everything you’ve touched must be washed

Isopropyl alcohol
I find it does the trick

An hour long shower
Before I rid my skin of it

You reek of sickness
Yet I want your touch

I want your embrace

Was I too hasty?
Did I make a mistake?

When you leave
I’m left with a mess

Spirits and odors that cling
To my clothes and skin

Chocolate
and tear-stained poetry

why the ****
did I believe
even for a second

that love could be easy
that I could fall
without breaking bones

and why
was I so ready to fall

what insanity
hate-driven entity
has caused this

this rift
as soon as I remembered
what it's like to love

that twitch
of my heart

the twitch I felt the first day
that told me you were special
that I had no choice

the twitch
of love
that I can't stop

a madness that will steal
all senses and wits about me

how fitting
that I should understand once more
the pain I have inflicted on others

through foolish heartbreak
foolish
foolish

heartbreak

Icing
upon cold death

piercing eyes
that know pain all too well

a voice
undeniable

soft, gentle
yet still finding an edge

you'll find it
you will

your lips
like peaches

each soft
and shimmering

I always wondered
how you could look in mirrors

and say you hate
that you hate what you see

though perhaps it's jealousy
that a mirror could hold it
an image of illustrious beauty

I always wondered
what it was

and I suppose
I always will.

I saw the face
of your god on high

I saw his frown
his disgust

his horrible
horrible and crooked hands

I watched them
as they bent

popping my ribs
one by one

I saw the face
of unyielding hatred

for what
has been created

I then knew
that pain is true
the only truth

for even he
who is so mighty
might cry knowing
what was created

to know his creation
was in his image
to see
how twisted
he truly is

and finally
to rip it apart

without mercy
without hesitation

How
in this maze
am I to find a way

Out of
sienna catacombs
without a torch in sight

can I
walk out myself
shivering alone?

or must I be dragged
kicking, screaming
praying to suffocate
to drown once more
fighting
punching, kicking air
screaming

screaming for your siren song
begging to hear it again
begging to be devoured
by unyielding jaws
torn to shreds
by serrated claws
sinking into me

you
you never leave
you watch me cry
as if you are a sadist
a guilty sadist
whenever I run
you find me
you tell me you've missed me

and honestly?
I've missed you too

oh god
how dearly I've missed you

I've rationalized it
the pain

I've found a comfort
in a bear's den

so familiar
in the cold

yet how can I say this

when our songs
hardly phase me anymore

I loved you, it's true
and perhaps I still do

but now you're a memory
faded and broken

Kintsugi

for you are treasured
though I long left you

and together
we once dreamed

we dreamed
of warmth in a blizzard

one we could keep
just for us

Why
Does my bath tub seem so long

So full
Like I could get lost

In this windowless shelter
Unknown to the world

Tucked within
A curling apartment

A cold tub
That was supposed to be warm

Too big
To submerge myself

Could this be where I die?
A voice muses

Alone in a tub?
No, too lonely

god these empty pages
that I fill with regret

this pain
that never leaves

maybe they'd be better
burnt, torn, and broken

maybe I would too

how sad
that my sun is dark

that the light I crave
is of a heartless abyss

that alone I lay
wishing banshees would leave

and I'm trapped here

here I blur the line
between poetry
and a cry for help

a broken villain
begging

Here we are
yet again

the longest night
under clear skies

too long
have I sought the sun

I missed the mushrooms
searching for daffodils

yes, the fruits
of unending night

a hearty stew
instead of salad

truce
between wanderers

as we sit
sipping on ambrosien dirt

I've lost something
again on winding roads

something
I never knew
that I could lose

I lost it
under my nose

between bridges
and deep rivers
it rests

a treasure
just beyond sight

I had it
I had it
I want it back

through mud
rapids and caves

the scent
is still there
the scent

of a ******
****** shard

this mad hunger

when
when shall I know it?
the peace of completion?

Sienna dreams
lay heavy on my flesh

her sheepish tone
that's oh so beautiful

and her steady
steady hand

she's an autumn leaf
composting in the dirt

bringing life
through death

the steady cycle of seasons
will bring only more beauty

for she is sienna

my favorite color

No
I don't want death

I want someone
who once close to my heart

won't poison it
with their tongue

someone
who won't bite hard

or take too much
from my fragile arms

Hold my scars
in your kind hands

hold this delicate throat
without crushing it

use your knives
to cut my dinner, not my wrists

and carry this husk
until it's whole

please
I promise you won't regret it

we've got scuffmarks
you and I

like boots
drenched in the ocean

boots
boots that conquer mountains

through the birdsong
of verdant forests

boots that despite scuffs
will continue to conquer

only now
we conquer alone

Your lips

I'm drunk
on your salt

That beautiful
beautiful taste

did you drink
right before we kissed?

some saccharine
yet salty brew?

Have I been sedated?

I feel like prey
right before a wolf

frozen
as I must be

for I know
my purpose is to serve.

Is this it?

Am I losing my grasp?

Has my jealousy
given way to greed?

Can a frightened child
also be a dictator?

A hoarder of hearts
I often grab too tight

I feel their blood
trickle through crooked claws

yet still I hold them

for fleshy pulp
will not run

I know it will rot
but I'm tired of longing

The smell
like tar in my lungs

yet still
I've not learned

that pulp deteriorates
far quicker than can be stopped

perhaps these claws
will once again be kind.

My hair
floating as though in water

This charge
This alien charge

Puts a buzzing
ringing in my ears

This tongue of mine
is it made of copper?

No, this is not rain
pouring down my brow

this is it.

In a flash, I'm struck
pierced to the ground

And yet

Over me you stand
arm extended

While warm rays
caress my now scarred skin

In this summer morning
you dab my forehead

Gently with a damp cloth
you say you're sorry

That you never meant to hit me
but I'm oh so glad you did

Please,
never let this dream end.

You spectre
you wraith!

You evade my arms
my helpless mortal limbs

To be haunted
but not by hate

This is truly
the unknown

The void
that is spoken into existence

This heartless limbo
it's the space between

My throat
and your bared fangs

and my curled form
and your lap

Perhaps this is what
would cause Houdini to drown

The comfort of your currents
and the warmth of your tendrils

Pulling me under

deeper

deeper

deeper

but I will not fight

for death has never seemed so kind

Your rosy cheeks
you think are ugly

But perhaps you don't understand
how some wish they had

A permanent rose tint
or eyebrows like scimitars

My words could never
ever do you justice

To say that your jaw
is like a cliff

Sharp yet smooth
is an understatement

But I
in my hubris
Will attempt to describe
the beauty of perfection

The beauty of an autumn meadow
or conifers whistling in the breeze

Eyes that show
distant supernovas within

And arms that may warm
my cold cold heart

But for now
I shall just be stumped

Because eventually I do hope
to be driven insane

To do so trying to understand
every little bit of you

And writing it down
on some small paper

Many have asked
To be my muse

But those who ask
Shall never receive

But those who see
The broken in me

And still choose
This dying heart

They shall feel
Its shallow beat

They may know
The words I sew

The words I sew
Into silk, the golden kind

And they may drink

The blood from my arteries

Oh yes

You’re the golden poison
Flowing in my veins

Glittering death
With open arms

Acid in my veins

Burn me
As my heart pumps

Tear my dead skin
Like it’s a prison

Tear it with anger
Tear it with malice

End it please
I can’t take it much longer

Yes you’re ice
You sap warmth

You sapped mine for a year and a half
Though I did play my part in it

I’m not mad
Never at you

You cannot blame
The ice in the tub

You’re the warmth of winter
Penetrating my veins

You’re hypothermia
A death I welcome like a friend

Making the cold warm

I WANT TO BE WARM

You do not blame

Your frosty lungs

When they give out

I need more steam

You see

Fire is needed to live

But cold is a killer

You are icy
When my fires melted you

You doused me

But you cannot blame gravity
For what falls

No

The cold is painful
In a lethargic sort of way

It’s a war of attrition
Against yourself

Wars of attrition
Are hardly ever won

The cold makes you desperate

Irrational

It’ll take your life if you let it

But again

The cold is not to blame

Now
You are the crimson

The blade
That enters my capillaries

The hand
By which I meet fate again

Yes, this is you

The most beautiful thorn
Upon the wilting rose

My sanity
Faded so long ago

But now I know
The truth of it all

As I’ve gone insane
I now know
that I understand everything

The butterflies
That cause hurricanes

And the foolishness
Of my own two eyes

You are lucky
I've decided something

That revenge
is not my course

That the hatred I've felt
has not poisoned your blood too

Preciado.
you are pitiful.

And one day
your stain will leave the earth

A stain
that I can only pity

For you
will not know real love

Only admiration
given by fools

Sometimes sadness feels
like your home

like laying down after work
and feeling your muscles fail

laying face down on the floor
dog hair and all

a familiar sadness
a tired sadness

like just giving up
because what's the point

Why try?

when your efforts
were all in vain

when it's given for a moment
but ripped away the next

I'm done with this painful dance
I'm done being a puppet

a puppet bleeding in the wind
an exhausted and torn rag

that's always been there to shelter
and dry you off

at least I tell myself
that I'm done

it's like a prisoner
saying they're a free man

I just hope
the guards take pity

Peroxide on the wound
bubbling blood on my nails

Burning tears and hands
scouring ravaged tapestry

Fight it
fight it they all say

Fight what
fight what other than me?

Fight your chlorine
seeping into my lungs

Setting fire to my throat
as I puke blood

Help me
help me I scream

Someone please
someone please save me

Otherwise please
leave me to die here

Leave me to wither
a **** among roses

I've felt
the warmth of winter

Her crown that rests
between my guitar strings

And there was Autumn, too
with her cinnamon hair

Her scent of pumpkin
that blanketed anyone near

If two arsonists
start the same fire

are they not both criminals?

Warm whiskey
rye and golden daffodils, too

The odd Autumn cicada
chirps sleepily

Thistles and brambles
protect a gurgling stream

And by dusk
the sun will burn it all

And it will regrow
as the sun rises again

May we watch it darling?
the echoes of summer?

The rain that comes
with this lingering cloud

yes, it makes us shiver
but it's better than constant sun

But you want sun forever?
I won't stop you.

But if you start to wilt
do not come to me

My moss may not
be hibiscus or lily

But it is strong
I know it won't starve

This is your choice
I wish you luck

I thought that we had
something special

that we could be friends
just nice and simple

no pain
no rain

but my tears
must've muddied your dirt

you said
that you never wanted to part

YOU SAID
SO MANY THINGS

now yet again
I'm here

where you told me
I'd never return

but I suppose
it's my fault

I never should've believed you
my trust was misplaced

you should've just left
so I don't have to watch you go

so
so
slowly

Rose glasses
couldn't turn blue to red

Our rose garden
to where a compass once led

it's wilted and singed
ashes in the wind

But never again
will I plant a garden

never in a place so dry
so windy, too

No, I search for greener pastures
colder weather to work in

where the sun doesn't burn
where the garden

isn't a chore
but a hobby

I am Saltbreath

I will salt your field and your eyes
destroying everything
everything that's alive

I am Saltbreath

when I look at you I see red
the red of hatred
I will burn you to ashes

I am the great Saltbreath

kneel to my power
kneel to the constant pain
that emanates from my throat

I am the great Saltbreath

I will dominate
all aspects of your life
I will fill them with pain

I am the terrible Saltbreath

I am weakness
I am loneliness
I am pitiful

I am Saltbreath
I am Saltbreath
I am Saltbreath

My words
are hardly special

My self is so
so special

I came to write
because I felt blue

But there's none
none to match me

I may be a ****
do the worst things

and I may be crass
and foolishly blundering

But I know among these things

That I am kind
I am smart

I don't know my strength
let alone my worth

But I'm learning
growing with the tide

Like seeds in concrete
I will break through.

Knives and bubblegum
litter my space

But maybe I'm someone
someone you'll miss

Charismatic from the start
but erratic at heart

Scarves and swords
skirts and spears

You say that I'm kind
I'm not, I just look behind

Just another attempt
to scrub myself

of these regrets
of pain

Just another attempt
to end this

the suffering
the pain

Am I crazy?

Am I stupid?

So much time I've wasted
on pretty things

the dazzling lights
before the curtain call

I was the French
and you the Ardennes

Tall peaks watched gently
as howitzers fired

But there in the grass
among the trampled flowers

as I lay bleeding
I smiled

Because in the earth
I am finally with you

A thousand
Words and sins

Covered and smeared
others in guts and cuts

Clockwork unbroken

Twisted like rebar
around my throat

Ever tighter with every tock

An arsonist set free
in the winter snow

When the gears halt

Will this house stand
or will it burn?

Blood soaked soil
'neath the tree

my friend
lets make necklaces

strong, from knots
never to part

Our bond will never break

lovers beneath the stars

Get the chairs
cable and bone

lets find a sturdy oak
strong and bold

need a strong branch
to house these cages

macabre portraits
may our arms never part

Oh darling oh dear
the waltz plays in my ear

pounding yet soft

This orchestra
this chorus

please take me far

Darling dearest
**** me now

use a stiletto

so I may die
only once

Do you walk
wreathed in leaves?

Holly, Juniper, and Yew
upon your shoulders

A spectre of the forest

though your dress is fit
for royalty or worse

this dirt will hold
hold your soft footfalls

a siren hunting prey

why don't you stay?

the earth welcomes all

all miscreants
and lovers with smiles

the cavalry
and princesses alike

but you
you were misjudged

you are a gardener

one who looses soil
just to plant a solid oak

and the heart of the forest
shall always welcome you

This poison
that you blew into my lungs

A saccharine kiss
hiding cyanide

Let me stay
in a rose gold palace

At night we'd fall
never looking back

In the day we were artists
painting pictures of each other

We'd walk in rose gardens
discuss anything we wanted

Till one day
I plunged my knife
into your defenseless chest

You looked into my eyes
and gave me a final kiss

one with blood
and with death

Moon and Sun
Across the sky we run

Silkie and downtrodden man
I’d do anything I can

Water and Fire
Please, someone

douse my pyre.

Maybe if your lips
Never crossed mine

Maybe
Maybe means nothing

Give me a yes or a no
and don't do it for show

Maybe is worthless
like the words everyone spews

Saying they won't go
yeah right, just row

Away like they all do

Go! Get the hell out!
I know you only want my best

my body not my soul

I'm tired of trust
I'd say it's gotten me nowhere

But this pit
is hardly nowhere

Left hook right hook
Can you not see?

After all you took
How you hurt me?

I take hot showers
To cloud vision and pain

Like depriving death’s flowers
Of all their rain

Make me kneel
In coals that are hot

So I may feel
When I’m shot