For years
I was emotionally
Bleeding out.
I was bleeding
On
Those who didn’t
Cut me.
The
Red river
Just kept on
Flowing. But
I tried to
Gasp
For air
In the silence.
The more I
Struggled
alone.
The more
I bled.
Smoking ,
Drinking
& ***,
Couldn’t
Bandage
The open wounds.
Nothing
I did for
Myself worked.
It started
To get
Cold.
I was losing
The only
Thing
Keeping me
Heated.
But I
Also
Felt
The warm
Embrace
Of the heavens.
As I drift in
And out of
Consciousness.
I sit and
Wonder
Will I
Be saved.

Night time
When I think
The most thoughts
When I crumble
It is when I sit
Alone  
In despair  
But night time
Is when
I see the moon
With millions
Of my brothers and sisters
Some dance
Some shoot
But they all have
The undeniable
gleam
That all stars
Possess
simply Dazzling
Stars are
Reminders
That even on the
Darkest nights
They will shed light

If you don’t let your past die
It won’t let you live
Think too far ahead
into the future
You will vanish
from the present
No one will ever know
The violence it took
To become this
Gentle
Through all the pain
I felt homeless
Begging for change
The closer
I came to you
The further
I strayed from myself
Always looking for
More from people
But
I am that more
I’ve been searching
For myself
For so long
Idc if I’m labeled
As a sin
I’ll live
Life
For self
I’ll always
Remember
Strength isn’t
Measured
By the battles
I overcame
By myself
But instead
It’s a measure
Of how you choose
To love anyway

-things I wished I believe

The common theme
Of growing old isn’t
So common to me.
I want to live a short
Impactful life
And it’s frowned upon
I’m supposed to
Grow with the pain
Nurture it
And sustain a
“ stable life”
But what if my tale
Was meant to be short
What if my purpose
Was to touch many souls,
And be gone in an instant.
What if I was meant to be an angel
But I had to  heal
The wickedness first
What if my battle is over and I,
Earned my rights to the heavens.
That what if
Is still unknown.
It will only be answered
By god

Ps.
I plan to tell you if I rewrote my destiny  
                  Til we meet again

Sticks and stones
may break my bones
But words will never hurt me
Is what I would preach
to my inner child
But It was all a facade
As my heart drowned
In the venom of your words
The bruises
The scratches
The breaks
None of it hurt more then your words
Broken bones turn callus  
Scratches turn into scars
And bruises fade away
But your words
Stuck with me
More then things things
That are meant to actually hurt me

Your name is a pretty word with
A deep meaning
A word that everyone should know
But no one gets
But I do
To me
Your name
Is redamancy
Hearing your name
Is like the blissful
Rings of an “ I love you”
Your name
Is only a word
That may be
Lost in modern language
But Im so happy that
We had this
serendipitous encounter
If I never would have found
Your name
I would still be searching
in the darkness
Your name
A word
But to me it’s so much more
But the others
Your still waiting to be found

in
An everlasting winter solstice
Soul freezing
Body shivering
With my blood turning into solids
As I wait for the warmth of spring
But it hadn’t come
3 months turned into 16 cold years
Just waiting for the death to be over
Each day I hoped I would
Experience the rebirth of spring
But it hadn’t come
All I’ve witnessed was the death of the planet
With a sea of endless white crystals
Born in April
But can’t seem to remember
The feelings of my birth season
I hoped I would get to see the love
Spring provides
And it finally came
It came in the form of you
I’ve finally got to feel spring
And it’s warmth
It’s love
And I finally felt alive
You managed to even show my dark side
The love it was secretly craving
It feels like I’m at home in my natural
Habitat of spring