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 Aug 2019 King Panda
Anne Sexton
This is the desk I sit at
and this is the desk where I love you too much
and this is the typewriter that sits before me
where yesterday only your body sat before me
with its shoulders gathered in like a Greek chorus,
with its tongue like a king making up rules as he goes,
with its tongue quite openly like a cat lapping milk,
with its tongue -- both of us coiled in its slippery life.
That was yesterday, that day.
That was the day of your tongue,
your tongue that came from your lips,
two openers, half animals, half birds
caught in the doorway of your heart.
That was the day I followed the king's rules,
passing by your red veins and your blue veins,
my hands down the backbone, down quick like a firepole,
hands between legs where you display your inner knowledge,
where diamond mines are buried and come forth to bury,
come forth more sudden than some reconstructed city.
It is complete within seconds, that monument.
The blood runs underground yet brings forth a tower.
A multitude should gather for such an edifice.
For a miracle one stands in line and throws confetti.
Surely The Press is here looking for headlines.
Surely someone should carry a banner on the sidewalk.
If a bridge is constructed doesn't the mayor cut a ribbon?
If a phenomenon arrives shouldn't the Magi come bearing gifts?
Yesterday was the day I bore gifts for your gift
and came from the valley to meet you on the pavement.
That was yesterday, that day.
That was the day of your face,
your face after love, close to the pillow, a lullaby.
Half asleep beside me letting the old fashioned rocker stop,
our breath became one, became a child-breath together,
while my fingers drew little o's on your shut eyes,
while my fingers drew little smiles on your mouth,
while I drew I LOVE YOU on your chest and its drummer
and whispered, "Wake up!" and you mumbled in your sleep,
"Sh. We're driving to Cape Cod. We're heading for the Bourne
Bridge. We're circling the Bourne Circle." Bourne!
Then I knew you in your dream and prayed of our time
that I would be pierced and you would take root in me
and that I might bring forth your born, might bear
the you or the ghost of you in my little household.
Yesterday I did not want to be borrowed
but this is the typewriter that sits before me
and love is where yesterday is at.
 Nov 2018 King Panda
KD Miller
11/22/2018

the leaves underfoot
i'm here to hear
while i walk in battery park

the river sways, partial to the quay
where moss covered rocks
and gum wrappers lay

and i liken it to my brain,
how it moves between
garbage and rot,

things that have stuck to me
through nature
and time.

i entertain the idea
of jumping into the hudson
shake my head. that'll have to wait for another day

but why?
that i cannot answer.
why the delay?

as i sit and stay and do nothing
hoping it'll get better
it never does

i shake my head
and turn
and walk away
 Nov 2018 King Panda
KD Miller
things that happened to me
that seemed so full of eternity
and set in green and granite

things i figured i'd never forget.
The city distracts me but
i go back to dry land



everywhere i find evidence of my memories:
people, places, streets, trees,
the laces they took from me at the hospital

i cannot find them-
they lie in a bin,
in a landfill, deep in the ground under the rot

but these memories-
i cannot find it-
the idea they happened to me



i am finding ground
and lying on it
but falling through to the core.

forgetting what it is like
to feel air on my face
to feel my chest when i cannot recall

the feel of anything
or anyone at
all.

the few days i do remember
are vignettes of a film,
stored away in archives and
exploding in a kiln

the other ones run from me in a tunnel
towards green orange and gold days
of leaves, and air, and trees and hay

to lock me out forever
to send themselves away
from me.

to forget my memories  
it's like a sickle wedged into my heart,
handle out towards the hand of time that sunk it there

who did it happen to,
and when, and where and why
I don’t know

purple vermillion skies
in October, the turnpike pulsing under me
flying past on an over pass.

Now a year later I lie
in cold sepulcher of room,
wooden smell and dark purple night

I can finally see the stars
but they do nothing for me
except to remind me


they were there this whole time
and remember more than i could ever
dream of.
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