I want the blood to flow like my tears
But I can't do it
I want to let all the pain out
But I promised I won't do it
I want to watch the blood seep out of me
But it would hurt him more
I want all the pain to come out from my core
But he would blame himself
I want to hit a vein and watch the red paint my skin
But breaking a promise to him is a sin
I want to watch the blood hit the floor
But if I do it him and I would be no more
I want to cut
But I won't

I won't because I love him
Even though he didn't tell me he loves me back tonight
I won't because I promised I wouldn't
Even though he forgot his promise last night
I won't because I don't want him out of my life
Even if at the moment he doesnt want to be in mine

No matter what happens
I can't cut tonight

I have something on my mind
But I'm leaving it behind
I need you to talk your problems out
So I'm leaving my thoughts behind
It doesn't bother me please I don't mind
You never get your thoughts out
Please let your thoughts sore
I'm proud of you for opening up
Please never shut up
I love you im happy that you're talking to me
I'm glad you're finally opening up to me
I love the sound of your voice
You're reading lyrics and my heart is melting
God *** you're so amazing
Kiss me everyday
Never ever send me away
Keep me inside your loves embrace
And save me with your never ending grace

Third wheeling all my friends but
Having nobody for myself
Trying hard in choir
However nobody in my family cares enough to come to the show
Trying my best to be somebody
But I'm a shadow on the wall
I'm the person who feels alone and cries in the bathroom stalls
All I want is somebody to pay attention to me
Not to be alone all the time or to feel so empty
I'm not an attention *****
I just want somebody to know I'm there
Recently I feel like nobody will ever care
I continue my days faking smiles
While going about my feelings on my own
Even when I tell people how I feel
No attention is ever shown
This draws me near the bleeding
Closer to the thought of death
Would anybody care enough to pay attention then?

Sick to my stomach
Feeling like I can barley breathe
Im gasping for air as I fall to my knees
Im trapped inside my head
All my insecurities surrounding me
Making me second guess myself as if I was crazy
If I could get rid of all my doubts I would
If I could erase the insecurities I would
If I could look into a mirror and tell myself Im as beautiful as you say I am
Trust me I would
I can't find a way out of this
Im full of pain from past experiences
With each heartbreak I fall further into my insecurities
Forgive me for doubting myself
Forgive me for fearing
I need to get out of my head
However my pain is just too consuming

Dear Lover,
I'm right here always and forever
There isn't anything we can't do as long as we're together
Open up your mind to me let me in
Allow me to make you whole again
If you're having problems let me help you solve them
I dont want you to go through the pain alone

Let me make you smile
Oh please let me in for the longest while
Im not going anywhere, not without you
I want to hold your hand and get you through
You won't stand in the rain or the storms alone
I'll let the water run down my face along with  yours&yours; alone

I'm not leaving your side we are in this together
And I know this to get her will last forever
I'm not letting you go I won't let you drown
Baby it breaks my heart to see you frown
Let me be your rock, your sword, and your shield
I'm your warrior and I refuse to yield

I know you're scared but let me in
Allow me to make you whole again......

I felt anxiety walking up to the doors
I wanted to cry when i saw the familiar faces
Faces of the people who break me down
Faces of the people who don't care about me
Faces of people who hurt me emotionally
Faces of people who make me cry
Walking up to the doors i felt anger
I felt the stress
I felt the frustration
I felt the feelings that were inevitable
Walking up to that place i realised ill be lonly
My closest friend has a girlfriend
And she tries to make him ignore me
All my friends have found love
And im the one alone
The depression i get from that place is the ruler
While im the throne

I would sing you any song
I would quote any line
Just as long as I stayed on your mind
I would run any mile
Just to see you smile
A thousand tears Id cry
If I never saw your eyes
No matter the distance apart
You're always in my heart

I got called a ***** today
You might have lost a friend
I got called ugly
You're wondering if your friends life will end
I got called a *****
You're getting you heart ripped out
I don't know how to help you
All I can do is pout
You're not in this alone
I'm here by your side
You and I are going through a hard time
But together we stand
And together we fight

Thinking about that night
My child hood left behind
You took it from me
You stole a part of me
I told you no
Still you didn't let go
You didn't get off
You just forced me down
While you're on top
You didn't care as I layed there and wailed
I still have nightmares
I still have thoughts
It was almost two years ago
Still the memory doesnt fade
I don't know what was more scarring
The fact that you did that
Or the fact that I was in love with you
I dated you for half a year
We were still together
I thought you loved me
But you couldn't handle no
Whenever I hear your name
I panic
Whenever I see somebody who looks like you
I cry
I can't do this
What you did to me hurt me
Still you didn't  care
I told you no
Still you didn't let go
You didn't get off
You just forced me down
While you're on top

Everybody crying in the lonely hallway
Couples cuddling making you feel alone
Gossip going around like the plague
Surrounded by people but feeling a lack of friends
I put in ear buds because the silence is enough to drive me mad
In a building full of stress, hormones,hatred, and fear
All of us are stuck here for four horrible years
I'm in year three and it's getting the better of me
Highschool is a beast
A monster
Something I can not beat
These years are Hell
This year has been worse than the rest

Im falling in love
I'm falling in hate
I'm falling in joy
I'm falling in pain
I'm falling toward the ground
But I don't know if I'm falling up
Or if I'm falling down
Some days I feel as if I'm flying up
Where the smile on my face is real and not made up
But other days I know I'm falling down
The only real question is when will I hit the ground?
With every painful word I hear I fall further
Every time I get hurt I fall further
With every "I love you" I fly up a little more
I'm guessing the "I love you" s are the reason I haven't hit the floor
However tonight is a night where I am falling down
But I will be able to sleep easy knowing tonight
Is not the night that I will hit
The ground

I'm going to Hell
Can't you see?
Can't you tell?
I'm a person full of sin
No matter the amount of goodness within
I can't win
I always lose
The Devil has found his way to tie his nous
From the gallows of Hell I will hang
For eternity replaying all of my pain

Goosebumps on my skin
Shivers down my spine
Coldness all around me
Madness in my mind

Crying in front of my best friend
Pushing his comfort away
He doesn't know what to do
All he knows is that my sky is grey
He tries to cheer me up by making me laugh
I will be forever thankful for that
But what's a guy to do
When his besty's skies are blue?
Thomas you were there to help me through
You got me through the day
Thank you best friend
for caring about weather or not I'm okay

I no longer feel alone
I finally feel at home
My amount of friends may be few
But at least I know their friendship is true
I no longer cry myself to sleep
I no longer have sad thoughts that are deep
I have family that I love
Thank god up above
I no longer hate my life
I no longer sense pain's knife

I don't want to live
However I don't want to die
I'm surrounded by abuse no matter where I go
I want to run away
Leave everybody behind and never look back
There's people I would miss
I'm tired of giving fourth chances
Hell I'm tired of giving anybody a second chance!
I'm not allowed to do anything about it
Because according to authority I'm considered minority
So I have to live with abuse
Im almost an adult but I have no idea what a happy home looks like
How am I supposed to have a family of my own
When I have no ******* idea on how to live at home
My whole life I've been shown that it's okay for a man to abuse me
It's okay to have hours and hours of housework
It's okay for mom to sleep on the couch
It's okay for my youngest sister to be trapped in her bed all day
It's okay to have anxiety and to stereotype everything
It's okay to give chances until you don't ******* care anymore!
It's totally normal to have gone to 6 schools in your life and to move every two years or less because a man makes you
It's okay for everybody to run my ******* life except for me!!!!!

You're alive,but you haunt me
You're alive, but you have a ghost
You're alive, but you're gone
You're alive, but you're only a memory
You're alive, but you're acting like you're dead
The only reason I acknowldege you're alive
Is because I'm dead to you

Imagine a life
Sitting by a fireplace with the one you love
Snuggled close and completely smitten
Thinking how lucky you are to have gotten this far
Imagine playing music in front of one million people
That feeling of adrenaline, happiness, and maybe a little fear
Isn't that how you should feel with the one you hold so close?
Imagine if distance and prices were only a number
Imagine if those numbers didn't matter
The possibilities would be endless
We could live our life together as one
It's possible in the really close year that's to come
Me with you
You with me
How much happier could we be?
We would have our music
We would have each other
We'd be amazed that in such a bitter world we found each other
Imagine what a future like that would be like?
Just Imagine.
I imagine that I would be completely happy
Because I imagine my future with
you

You don't care about what you say to me
You don't care about how you make me feel
You don't care that I cry because your words cut deeper than any knife
You don't care if you offend
You womt care until my end
You tell me you love me
You don't care what you say to me
You don't notice how I feel
You don't see me crying right by your side
You assume I'm a ****
You assume I'm not careful
You assume that I'll act nasty in front of people
You're my mother how could you say this?
I know that you love me you have raised me and cared for me
But you really don't care about what you say to me
I sacrifice a lot for you
You don't realise it but it's true
I asked to go bowling
You said I'll get arrested
What the hell mom? Assuming I'll make out in public?
That **** is offensive and you know it too
You just don't care about how I feel even though I care a lot about you

I didn't expect this
A random surprise
A rose was given to me
It made me so happy I could cry
My favorite part is that the rose is from my sister
She's made me realize I don't need a mister
I have my family
I have my friends
This rose symbolizes that I'll never be alone
I'll always have my sister until the very end

You came to my house last night to make me smile
You made me smile today
Your green-blue eyes looking into mine
Make my heart shine
Your smile is adorable
Your cheeks get red easily
You kiss me until it hurts
But it's a hurt that feels amazing
I'm falling for you and im falling hard
My heart is no longer in a million little shards

I gave you what you wanted
And now you're losing interest
I should have known
I did know better
But the second I looked into your eyes
How could I possibly resist?

Nelson

In school I'm a shadow on the wall
Noticed by few and almost hated by all
As I walk through the halls there is almost never a second glance
And the people who glance never give my heart or personality a chance
Yes I have scars where my wrist have bled
But those are emotional marks for the lovers who fled
But all of this pain has disappeared
For a person's heart has appeared
He's been there for me for years
Helping me wipe away all my tears
He's helped me chase away my fears
I've given him my heart and I pray for the better
With him I feel like we'll last forever
I know he won't hit me or break me like the rest
Because the man who has my heart is by far the best

I'm trying hard
I feel stuck
How many hours does it take to obtain knowledge?
My nose is in my books and my hand is writing every free second
So why am I stuck?
Has my brain shut down after the honor roll?
Or am I allowing my life interfere with my studies?
I don't know but something has to change
ACT is next week and the stress is destroying me
School, drivers ed, work, guitar, homework then bed
Oh my God my poor **** head
On top of the fullest of schedules my family is highly dysfunctional
I feel as though I won't make it to 12th grade
Is the adult life going to be this stressful?
I just paid two bills
I received my tax return
Growing up too **** fast
What else is there that I need to learn?
I cook I clean
I pretty much do everything
What the heck else is left for me?
My brain is on overdrive

Everyday is the same
Same  people
Same fake laughs
Same fake smiles
Same conversations
Every single day
The stories never change
The thoughts never go away
I hate it here!
This place makes me want to die
I'm so frustrated and irritated that I'm going to break down and cry
Same arguments
Same clothes
Same faces
Same words
All the repetitiveness is getting to me
Is today yesterday?
Is today today?
Is today tomorrow?
I don't know and if I did it doesn't matter
Because today is the same as it was yesterday
Today is the same as it will be tomorrow
I need something new
I need to be happy
I need a new conversation
I need exciting.....

I know what I feel
What about how you feel?
I'm over here thinking of you wishing I could get a reply
What are you doing?
Is there another ******* your mind?
Am I not good enough for you?
You're amazing to me that's as clear as day
So what is it that's getting in your way?
Curiosity is actually hurting me
Everything about you consumes me
So why do I feel as if you don't care about me?
......

You were only 5 years of age
God has taken you and has filled our hearts with sadness and rage
You were pure and sweet
The brain infection was very discreet
Everybody thought you were well
Until the night of October 31,2015
When you fell
You went to bed and never woke up
Now all of us are very choked up
You are in Heaven now and we all wish you well
I'm sorry A.J Conley
All of us wish we didn't have to bid you farewell

With every heavy wave I crash
Every wave contains pain
The high tides of my life drown me and drag me down to the fathoms below
A father who betrayed my mother and left
An ex who took things too far
Being beaten by people I had faith in
Being backstabbed by people I trusted
I'm fifteen and this is my life so far
Pain,loss,depression and sin
But somehow my beauty lies within
The waves get bigger but I still tread water
I'm still able to keep my head above
The taste of the salt water in my mouth makes me thirsty for something clean
I don't want this pain and sorrow anymore
I want to be set free
I want to be able to stand on the dry sand and look at the beauty of the sea
For beauty grows from pain
And pain my beauty may be
The suffering waves from my past
Have created this beautiful me
I am like the pearl that stays in the darkness
Until she is beautiful enough to Be set free and see the light
And thanks to the the darkness the future seems bright
I'm no longer drowning
I'm no longer holding my breath
I no longer need to tread the water
And I no longer wish for my death

All you did was cheat and lie
All I did was stay by your side
I ignored what everybody else was saying
But it was my denial the truth was delaying
You told me you loved me and that you'd be mine forever
But you were also sleeping with her while we were together
And not just one her oh no but maybe two or three more
I know now that your love for me was out the door
Now I see all the truths that were buried deep within your lies
And how dare you have the soul to look me in the eyes
I avoid you but you're everywhere
You're worst than a ghost I wish I didn't care
I wish I had listened to all the truths that were said
Instead I listened to your lies and layed with you in bed
I loved you you enslave me
Now I'm left alone with my tears and no dignity
You aren't a saint you're the devil!
You put all of your sin into me
I can't run away and hide from you
Because your eyes are spears that just stab through
I can't get away from all the memories and the pain
Why is it so ******* me
When it's clearly so easy for
You

Don't hate him
as he holds you by your throat
Don't hate him
as he cusses out my sisters
Don't hate him
as he calls me a worthless *******
Don't hate him
as he doesn't let me do my homework and I get an F on it
Don't hate him
as he makes you pay for everything
Don't hate him
as my sister lays in bed crying
Don't hate him
as he brain washes you and takes your strength away
Don't hate him
as he makes me loose respect for you
Don't hate him
as the house is dead silent because we can't make a sound
Don't hate him
as he bullies me for everything
Don't hate him
as he brings everybody down
Don't hate him
as I give him yet another chance
Don't hate him
as he makes me start to hate you
Don't hate him
as he takes you away
Don't hate him
*as I wish I wouldn't live another day