Pretend.
Put on a mask every day and never let it fail

I'm sorry. I honestly am.
The princess screams from her prison, warning the knight class in bright shiny armor about the dragon.
He call up to her, "I see no dragon, therefore I shall come for you!"
She collapses to the floor, her voice all but strong.
A long moment passes, filled with her thoughts, the ones she cannot contain.
He kneels before her and takes her away.
He never realized the dragon was her.
She wasn't strong enough to fight it, and so it consumed her and left the knight alone again.

Faint brightness shines hundreds of miles away making her feel lonely as she stares out the rain streaked window.
His light, which used to shine so bright to her, grows dimmer as the distance between them grows.
Her heart feels heavy, her limbs grow weak.
She knows not what lies in his heart, let alone her own.
All she wants is to be close to the warmth that used to be a daily part of her life.
As the night grows darker, so does her heart leaving her with an empty spot he used to fill.
She needs to be held, but doesn't want to be touched.
She wants to ask, but her fear of rejection is so strong that she can't even force the question out of her mind into existence.
She needs the light, to breathe, to see clearly, to remind her of who she is. Who she was before the grey. Who she could be, but never will.

It's back again
Churning and burning it's way through my shield and into the souls of those around me.
Affecting and inflicting damage that cannot be undone.
If I said I was sorry, I think I would be wrong.
Then again, my own soul feels kind of gone.
This torrent of feelings cannot be contained,
They want out, and will destroy anything in their way to thrive on their own.
They will move to the next unwilling host, and leave behind a husk.
An empty shell, yet a ghost of what was once a formidable being hollowed out to the feeble warrior at heart
The feelings want freedom, as much as the host, and they will destroy the world for their only goal.

A leaf adrift in the wind,
Turning, and spinning and floating around
No aim, and no goal.
Without the wind, the leaf lays alone on the forest floor destined to rot.
But the wind brings life, characteristic, and hope.

The soft white to the grey, not fighting it.
Just enveloping it in his strong arms in a loving embrace,
Turning it from grey into the loveliest gold.
Purifying her.
Protecting her from herself.
Then the white leaves and it's back to grey.
She wants to be independent, yet without her white noise, she is lost to the suicidal silence.
He doesn't know it, but wait, the light will come around again.
Hold strong till tomorrow.

Silent tears are the most painful,
They tell the tales that their owner doesn't have the energy to anymore.
The tell such a story of past pain and the pain of those the loved the most.
The ones who commit an unspeakable crime against themselves and the world are never the ones you expect.
They weep, but with silent tears where no one can see their hurt.
It just takes one moment to change a billion more.
Don't go, even through your guilt and pain, I can promise you, whatever you're planning of doing, it's not worth it.
Let someone hold you and wipe your tears - your pain, away and let them hold you when you can't.
Let me help you...

We hide behind the illusion of the words
"I'm okay."
Silently hating ourselves for waiting for the phone to ring so we can know we aren't alone.
Pretending to be alright when we need a hand to lift us out of the grey misery of our lives.
Imagine that. Illusionists pretending to be okay, but no one thinks the irony to be true

I'm falling down into my shadow
It seems I had no light after all.
So comes the night, enveloping my soul in a cool star kissed breeze
So comes the distant lights, shining comfortably and constant
When all have abandoned...

Go away, leave my dark thoughts and I alone,
I have the lonely stars to keep me company.
Yet even they belong somewhere
Orion reminds me it takes more than one to make a hero,
The Little Dipper peeks out from behind clouds, telling me to dip into trust.
But I'm scared to open up, and be a part of something bigger.
Leave my dark thought and I alone like a lone star in the sky.

If I had one wish,
I'd ask for my life to cease to exist
Because I refuse to go on living like this.
Or would I beg to be rid of this disease?
The one that plagues every thought, tinging them grey at the edges,
Blurring my vision
This must be my life's final mission,
To make those happy I can, and mourn those I cannot
For the hole in my soul where I lost my own identity,
I will go on in the day, and cry myself to sleep at night, and hopefully fate will be kind enough to drown me in my tears

It feels wrong, as if I'm enslaving you when I ask.
The humble slave, struggling for freedom, lost in his mind, wanting to escape
I know already that I'm unimportant
But I've asked so much of you.
The cruel prison to an innocent man
I won't ask again.
Just know that maybe, just maybe I could...
Never mind, I'll return to my trench. At least I have The Grey for company

And so she left.

I feel as if I'm moving too fast for you,
Perhaps if I could reach the switch to make my brain stop thinking these thoughts of reckless abandon.
I miss you so much, but I'm too fast.
Like a blur in a car, you can't touch me without being hurt
I'm thinking about so much, when I'm around you, it slows
The war in my mind comes to an immediate ceasefire.
I'm sorry The Grey is too fast, dragging me along with it...

I will be there for you.
Through the pain and through the joy
I will lift you up and carry you when all you want to do is give up and lay on the floor.
I'll take all your cares says He, but then so will I.
I promise I'll be there to take all the shame, guilt, hurt and the bad things people have said to hurt you away.
Let me help you, help you not to hurt anymore.
Teach me what you need so that I can be there for you
Stay strong.
We believe in you to do anything you put your mind to.
I am yours and you are mine.
Today, tomorrow, forever.

It will come again, creeping on cats' paws,
But not tonight.
When those scars have finally faded, the angry slashes and the story they told,
When the snow melts and the fire burns itself out,
When new birth abounds in plenty,
That is when the dark comes.
But with you, I know I can face it.
There are no words to convey the gratitude swelling the hard black rock of a heart into something open and welcoming.
The scars have faded, and new ones will come, but tonight?
The stars shine brightly guiding the way towards tomorrow.

I couldn't say it in words,
So instead my pen bled.
Hesitant at first, written with a shaky scrawl
Then more confident the loops and lines became.
Then silence as the mind hears all.
Blocking out the noise with its own emptiness.
Withdrawing inside this castle of mine
Here I reside,
Here I hide.
I couldn't say it with words, so my pen wrote it instead.

Ah, the poets over thinking,
The artists over imagination.
Both go hand in hand for the destruction of all the suicides you see on the news.
We dream up a world of our design, and then when something doesn't happen, we crumpled to the floor, as lifeless as the paper we use.
These things can be good, but like everything, too much is bad.
We hope,
We dream,
We try to pick up the dust of our hearts, the only thing remaining after all hope has been lost.
How did hope begin?
What happened to make someone hope for a better future?
What a waste of time.
It gets you no where and leaves you stranded and trapped in a prison of your own design.
You made your cell, now rot in it.

How does one write a breathtaking poem

One that inspires, not conspires.

How do the stanzas go, when I just feel so alone.

How can I write, when I can't even pick up the pen.

I've never been good at words, so I will pass on all of yours.

No, I will not cry.
Not tonight,
The world has been cursed with my tears long enough.
They stopped asking if I was alright.
That doesn't mean I am.
Tonight I will not cry because I hold on to the naive hope that I am not alone.
By the morning, I will be more alone than ever.
I'm fine.
I will not cry.
I will not cry
i will not cry...

A gaping hole
Pain in emptiness
Someplace the sun never reaches
Someplace forgotten
Someone left behind.
One with a mask,
With ugliness hidden deep inside.
An empty blackness, I'm falling.
Falling

Falling...


And then I hit the bottom.

I didn't know what I needed
But here I stand, heart heated.
I am flailing, I am greed
I am drowning, I am need
I am silent, I am defeated.
I gave it all until beneath the weight I broke
What if from a nightmare I never woke?
Perhaps it was my greatest fear
What pulled me out of the water