If I had one wish,
I'd ask for my life to cease to exist
Because I refuse to go on living like this.
Or would I beg to be rid of this disease?
The one that plagues every thought, tinging them grey at the edges,
Blurring my vision
This must be my life's final mission,
To make those happy I can, and mourn those I cannot
For the hole in my soul where I lost my own identity,
I will go on in the day, and cry myself to sleep at night, and hopefully fate will be kind enough to drown me in my tears

I want to love you
Yet I'm scared to
So I will write this poem
And hope my heart won't roam.
It's been battered and beaten
And frankly shouldn't be beating
Yet I keep on being.
Today I cried,
But I didn't lie
No, not when I said I love you.

I remember now why I believed the lie...
Because in reality you forgot to care
And I became just another cloud in the sky.

What is it to live?
To love.
To feel.
To be.

It is pain my little one.

Why am I alone?

Because you cannot care for others enough little one.

How much must I give?

Everything and more.

The irony,
If only we could see,
How easy it is to care for someone else.
To give your all until there is nothing left.
The disappointment life brings can never measure up to the hatred in my bones as red as blood, that we harness for "I"

It will come again, creeping on cats' paws,
But not tonight.
When those scars have finally faded, the angry slashes and the story they told,
When the snow melts and the fire burns itself out,
When new birth abounds in plenty,
That is when the dark comes.
But with you, I know I can face it.
There are no words to convey the gratitude swelling the hard black rock of a heart into something open and welcoming.
The scars have faded, and new ones will come, but tonight?
The stars shine brightly guiding the way towards tomorrow.

I'm tired of pretending day after day,
     So lost in my lies I can't find my way...
It drains your energy, thinking you're okay
     When you can't get out of bed to face the day...
What happens when I believe the lie?
      That's the goal right?
To feel until you can feel no more.
     Born to die.
Life until death, chaos until calm.
     Restlessness until you can pace no more.
You want the real me? Here I am in all my disappointing failure.
     Welcome to life, pretend until it becomes your reality.