The heavy haze of a steamy summer evening
bares down on my chest
I gasp for each little breath
Leaning on sorrow
I Reach around to unveil the cup that we couldn’t fill
And my shame cloaks me
Like an Olympians bronze
I wear doubt like a soldiers badge of honor
Marching into war
A war we couldn’t fight
The demons we couldn’t tame
The harm we couldn’t sow

And I found you there
Like the first ray of sun on the very first seed
Like a dancers first stage
Like artists first pen
Like the sunrises first sunset
And we tangled in each others fingers
And played hand in hand
And tiptoed on the edge of freedom

But we were haunted by the choices that had come before
But we never let that shadow
The unsteady amour of our broken hearts
And we never let the emptiness that the night brought
Swallows us

And for a moment we forgot ourselves
And we danced in the merriment of each other thoughts
Laughing at each others regrets
And patiently waited to orchestrate our own
And Then we remembered..

Rushing to Button up our collars
we head back onto our designated sides
“Don’t forget to softly close the unhinged door”
Tomorrow I will seek safety in the comfort of your hands
But tonight we must gather each other up

And linger on sleep.

I breathed in the double bass
I was rocked to sleep by the deep melodic sounds of history.
Because that’s what we were
A historic voice
Seeping through the very veins that inspired me
Dancing on a string I crept towards an empty door
Hoping for
Longing for that deeper voice
How hollow a sound must sing to me?
How low a voice must whisper?
How deep a wound must melt
But skipping lightly to the sound of a childhood
I wept hard to the laughter of adolescence
And looked to the sky with joy
Smiles stretching from ear to ear
Or rather cheek to cheek
Searching for the best way to explain
It wasn’t all pain
My father tuned the knobs with precision
He twisted each one
He listened to each string
Tick tock tick tock
I was jealous of a piece of wood
Welded together over hundreds of years
Protect this he said
Handing over the keys
I tip toed inside
Take a knee back
I longed to kick in the very object that I couldn’t stand
The very object that made beautiful melodies
And sunsets worth of notes
The very sound that put me short of time
Stole away hours
Days
Evenings
I move closer
Running my hand over ancient grains
Turning inside
I feel myself wish
Why couldn’t you play me like this?
I would have been your greatest performance of all
Applause wept through my hands
Dripping on to the darkest of floors
As I softly shut the door
And head home.

20 hrs and 15 mins we spend together a week
Yes. I've calculated it.
And every second of every minute is occupied
by the way your smile
Lights up your entire face
Like a flick of a light switch
"Oh there you are"
And By your self doubt
Which you somehow play off
as kindness
by the way your eyes have
a slight hint of grey
All to knowing and a little uncertain
And the way that they seem to look right into me
Pushing past
Like an optical illusion
Little flecks of red, blue, green, hell grey
Shoot right through me
Cascading a dream on the wall
In the dream I can touch you
I can touch your hand
Your more mature
I'm less goofy
And we can handle "us"
Yes
"Us"
We say that out loud
Like feathers floating to the ground
It wasn't rushed
It was kind
And slow
And sweet
And full of fun
Everyday was like the last day before summer vacation
Bursting through the school house doors
Sprinting to freedom
I blush deep red
Or maybe I wouldn't
Because it would be okay to stand this close to you
It would be okay to tell you that I love you
And I have for months
It would be okay
to say each others names
in the dark
And mean it.
It would be ok to stand in front of you
Filled to the brim with flaws
Bubbling over like a well oil machine
And embrace you.
Because time for me stops when his skin is near mine
Minutes freeze mid air when he enters the room
Or maybe that's just my heart
Freezing the next beat
Freezing like a deer in headlights
Right before impact
My heart
Pounding in and out
And in and out
And you've seen me on my worst day
Messy bun, sweats, and way to much attitude
But you know how to navigate around me
Like a sailors compass
You always know which way takes me home.
Because you are warm fires
You are kisses on the forehead
You are the sunshine through the dark clouds
You are kept promises
You are sweet gestures
You are rainy Sunday mornings
You make it easy to love you
And you make it easy to understand why you aren't mine

My big sisters made every mistake in the book
A big book
I know
because it was like a manuel that I received at birth
Slid under our doorways
They gave out copies
They reprinted chapters
They drew out maps
They sketched out the details
We flipped through the pages
Turning each lesson
******* earing the good ones
Like the time my sisters got so mad they kicked in the door
Or the time my sister tried a creaky houses old pipes
Leaning over
"It won't flush"
Swoosh a wave of water
Or the lesson about heartbreak
Reminding my brother Joel and I
to look with our eyes closed
But hearts open
Because they said that's how you know the difference
And don't settle down to quickly
They whispered between hallways and bed sheets
Because marriage is forever
And people aren't gaurenteed
My sisters authored pages and pages
Roads leading to roads to new roads
And the book grew older
The book came out!
This time celebrating parenting
Remember to lock the front door
Because that toddler with the wild red hair will
try to
Houdini escape everytime
Or sometimes softer
Remember that this life is yours
And you are steered by your choices
Said the sister with the bright blue
Eyes
And midnight colored hair
And she said sometimes
You will have to trade in your ballet slippers
For bare feet
Just so you can truly have your feet on the ground
And listen said the other
Sometimes resolving and letting go
Is easier than holding onto tightly
As she shows us her bruises.
And be yourself Lael
And don't try to hard Joel
Because the boy with broken heart can't be fixed
And the girls with the wild sides can't be tamed
And make sure you both stand tall
But not looking down
Look straight ahead at the horizon
Because we've already done it like that
And the sun will always guide you back to blue skies.
And I if it doesn't they said
We sure as hell will.

I get wrapped up in you all day
I get lost in ur gaze
I lose focus
Only thinking about the way your lips move as you speak
You get me so high
So high
I'm up there
Conversing with airplanes
And hot air balloons
And there is no convincing this girl to come down
Because the view from up here is indescribable
It's roof tops
And ridges
It's mixed messages
And anxious waiting
I could end the torture
Release the strain
Cut the string
And let the high bring me down
But I've become wrapped up in it
It's the blanket that keeps me warm at night
It's the song the plays over and over on the interstate
And I drive towards you
But I think it's the best thing I've ever driven towards
And you open me up
Like a book
You read every line
And memorize every word
Because u and I have become a short story
Written in a black ink
But never binded.
Printed
But never read.
Hoped for
But unfinished business.
And I'm ok with that
Because I have a memory of the way you move against me when you sleep
I can recall how your eyes look when your truly happy.
And I know just how happy you are
Because you may be the best friend a girl like me could ever ask for
And hey
Maybe you have a Contact high too.

This poem is for the girls and guys in limbo
Somewhere between love and lust
Up the dark road
Inside the cold box
This ones for you.
For u sweet dreamer
For the girls lusting for the boys who have only followed the trail of perfection
This is for the nerdy guys
Afraid of the way she flips her hair
And his own shadow
This is for the friend zone
Those who tip toe cautiously
Reading mixed signs
And deciphering smoke signals
This is for you
This is for heartachers
And the people that will never know there own doing.
This is for the girls who say no
And for the boys who don't know there power
This is for I love you's
Whispered under breath
This is for the crushes
And the people that love them
This is for the traded glances
And the misinterpretation
This for the hours wasted
And tears that have fallen
Fallen long enough to build you an ocean
Like a mote
to place around your heart
This ones for you dark forecasters
And glass half fullers
This ones for the poets and the phone calls
This is for the obsessing
The morris code blessing
And this ones for the confession
Those that take there pride and tuck it between their legs
This is for you
Stand tall
Tall enough to crane your neck to see the horizon
Because this may look different on the other side.
This is for the hopefuls
Those who love and still believe
This is for the love lyrics written
And those that repeat there songs
This is for you.

Each day I give little pieces of myself
Handing it out like city street corner flyers
Free samples
Library books
I'm your library
You check out my facilities
And your books are always overdue
I know you read my facebook statuses like tarot cards
You analyze them
Like a bank tellers cash drawer
I know you hardly think of me
But when you do you can't sleep
There is no medicine for counting sheep
And Sometimes I can't sleep
My words play around in my head
Like darts
Ducking and weaving
as they wiz through each cortex
Bouncing on a vertebrae
They reach my spine
My words are what keep me standing
What keep me breathing
The oxygen to my personal ozone
And I don't need food now
My words fill me up
They hold me like a newborns cradle
They shelter me from the ongoing storm
They wash away the hate,
the fear,
the loneliness
And leave me standing bare
Standing bare
For you to judge me
And I hope you do
Because I don't need you now
I've got sentences
Stanzas
Punctuation
And God willing articulation
And when they come in with their tiny clip boards
Red pens and
Neckties
I'll look to my words for salvation
Because they are me
They open me
They dress me up in emotion
They place a thorny crown of justice on my head
And this isn't a relationship
This is love
A challenge of the witted
And I'm committed
And sometimes my words and I argue
I want a comma there
They feel comfort in the runon
But we've never been closer
Closer then we are right now
Because I seek solitude and joy
In the speaking of words
I seek awareness and hope in each little letter
And When you think of me
Think of my way with words.