In the big city, our eyes are always cast to the ground

Everyday, we bustle and hustle

Striving for a slice of the paper,

the bricks

and the chicks

For once, if only for a a few seconds,

go outside and look into the night sky

Take a break and give it a try

See the most wonderous of creations

See without all that artificial light

Be enraptured by the mystic starry sky

Notice the enchanting twilight painting

Appreciate that cosmic tapestry of diamonds

Disconnect from social media, be rooted in the moment to that spot

Put on the brakes, stop pondering your lot

Live in that moment

Its beautiful, isn't it

For the longest time, I have felt this constant need to ensure that I had control of every situation.  As much as possible, i try to account for every detail...my mind flits over the tiniest possibilities to ensure that whenever I take a particular step, I am aware of every possible outcome.
As you can imagine....any preconceived plan or idea usually falls apart when other uncontrollable elements come into play...the biggest of which are Human beings. I sought to make of myself an immovable rock in the dizzying tides of time, change by dint of human effort alone.
......It did not pan out well.
And as a rock in the bed of a river is slowly weathered by the rushing flow of water, my will, strength and focus withered with the passing of time.
Every unexpected happening threw me for a loop and I was left reeling from one moment to the next in a dizzying whirlwind of uncontrollable events.
Soon enough i stopped trying to account for everything and just allowed myself to drift listlessly from one day to the next.

But I realized that there was a better way. I could just let go. As I've heard so many times there's freedom in surrender. I realised that I was not a Rock of Gibraltar unto myself. I could not stand tall against the forces of time and change and expect to be immovable.
Maybe I could ease my tight grip on everything. Like a grass stalk sways in the wind, rather than stand tall and fight against the winds of time and change, why not lean into the wind and allow it to flow over me; why not bend and sway with the breeze like stalks of grass in the field; why not drift and dance in the wind like a leaf. With strong roots, I could bend and not break. There was anxiety, fear, discomfort.. yes. But there was also palpable relief in just letting go and surrendering your fate to forces greater than your own. You may be the Captain of your ship, but you have no control over the winds and the tides and sometimes you just have to let go and be free. And like Odysseus, though the winds will take you to places unknown and you may experience both joy and woe in unequal proportions...you will still be carried home.
Hopefully, I can find my way home faster than Odysseus did...just maybe.

"That's a good boy" the old lady rasped weakly in a doting voice as she sent her coal black puppy running into the garden. She smiled faintly as she watched her dog romp happily in the garden, rooting in the bushes for hidden treasures.  Sunlight piercing through the patches in the foliage of the surrounding trees gleamed off the unusually scarlet skins of healthy ripe tomatoes. Whincing slightly at the twinging pain in her back, she leaned heavily on her walking stick as she sunk gingerly to her knees in the soil. Gnarled and age mottled fingers reached forth from grey robes and tenderly caressed one fleshy fruit. Plucking it from the stem, she bit into the skin. Swallowing slowly with ruby coloured juices dribbling down the corners of her lips, she shuddered as she felt a wave ran through her body for a few seconds. With a sigh of satisfaction, she brushed off the soil from her robe and pulled herself to her feet without the aid of her stick. She turned sharply to her right as a rustle in the undergrowth caught her ears. Amused, she watched as her dog trotted proudly up to her with his tail wagging rapidly. His rear sticking up in the air, the puppy lowered his chest onto the ground and proudly presented his prize.  "What's that in your mouth boy".She reached down and pried the decaying finger, too small to belong to a human adult, from the mouth of the dog. The dog whined as she tossed the finger under the maggot ridden roots of one of the plants. She smiled and patted his head. "That's a good boy"

"Look mummy, I'm flying". Lily cried in her shrill energetic voice as the car passed over a bump in road. Smiling in amusement at her 6 year old daughter in the rear view mirror, Aria said in a tired voice "settle down honey".  Safe in her seatbelt, Lily giggled as she was thrown up briefly as the car hit another bump. She watched to see if another smile would show up on her mother's face but it never did. Sadness and fear seemed to hang heavily on her mother. Lily bit her lips. Maybe she shouldn't have told her mom that she had seen daddy.

Aria kept an eye on the antics of Lily as she drove. Her child, her baby. It amazed her how such a wonderful creation could come from a foul being like Simon. Her heart seized for a second as a flash of light brought Lily's face into clear ciew view for a moment and her face morphed into that of Simon. "She looks so much like him". Fate had given her 3 years of happiness after years of pain with Simon. A newspaper clipping on the dashboard flapped in the wind as the car sped on the bridge. On the front page, the words "Simon the Butcher has escaped " screamed at her. "I won't let you have my baby Simon" Aria whispered to herself. Taking her hands off the wheel, she popped open the pill box and shakingly poured a few pills into her hands. "Mummy , what are those?", Lily asked with a quizzical look on her face. "They're just some Vitamins honey, have some. A sad tinged smile touched her lips as she watched Lily ***** up her face and swallow the offered pills. With tears in her eyes, she pressed her foot on the gas pedal. The car struck the ramp and sped off the bridge. Briefly weightless as the car hung in the air, Aria heard Lily's dazed voice " Look mummy, I'm flying".

Dear younger me,

Where do I start? I wish I could tell you everything that I've been through so far; the good, the bad and the ugly. If I knew then, what I know now, there are so many things I would have done differently. Maybe, then you could be one step ahead.

At your age, you are in fine fettle, strong and vibrant.
Were you to see me now, would you recognize me, rugged and weathered as I am? Would you be frightened by the scars on my face, the lines etched into my skin by the hand that life has dealt me? For one such as you, the hollows of dead skin would seem cavernous indeed.
Mind, body and soul, all were not left untouched by the ravages of time.

Life as you will come to realise is not easy. It's like walking a tight rope, over a pit filled with sharp spikes, with no safety net while carrying a balancing a pole with weights attached to the end. The weights represent different burdens at different points in time; choices/consequences, freedom/responsibilities; courage/fear.
It's a nerve wracking experience, balancing all these things.
At times, it seems the easiest thing to do would be to just step of the rope.


A gift or a curse, I do not know. The scars I have reveal the history of the body, mind and soul.
These tokens speak of a great many things; of sorrow, happiness, fear, courage, rage, excitement, pain, love, hate, of grief, of hope.

I know I have strayed quite far from the path you envisioned. But that's ok, I am not the Waymaker. I did not choose the path I tread now.  

However, there is one thing that you wouldn't fail to recognise. The spark of unflinching and unrelenting determination in our eyes. I can't tell you to change your choices because they are the choices that made me as I am now.
Dear younger me, our dream is still alive. Stop thinking too much!
Do your best, pay no heed to the whispers in your head. Just think, if by I am here now, isn't that proof that you've already made it; that you succeeded even when the odds were stacked against you.
Never forget these words;
You are not alone.
You are enough for whomever and for whatever it is you do...you have been and will always be.
This unbreakable puzzle is nothing more than the simplest jigsaw puzzle in the right hands.
And more than anything, have faith in yourself. If you don't believe in yourself, no one will. I have the greatest faith in you, so should you. After all, we are one in the same.



Signed
Your future self.

I have a story to tell though it fills me with dread
Bile rises in my throat yet i push on
My vision drains of colour, reduced to monochromatic shades of grey
My grievance will be made known later
But for now i have a story to tell

The sun has risen.
Once lost in the transience of dreamful sleep, the World has woken to the truth of your magnificence
The stars have faded one after another into the brightening sky
Lunar madness slowly wears off and wretched sanity once again courts the waking mind.

Gather around my status and hear my words
Today this lowly herald will blow the trumpet
This day, this unworthy servant will tell your story
Heed the sound of my voice, distorted and pained it may be.
Fold your arms and kneel as beffiting!!
Don't bother pinching yourself, this is no illusion
The Liege is born today
Rejoice
Rejoice
And be glad

The beginning....
By his devilry and trickery i became last born; the boy who lived last
I grew up, a scrawny humanling next to the Dark Lord
It is whispered that he was the child of the Dragon of the Dark Continent and the Great Saint.
Upon his birth, the sky was split asunder with lightning.
The air seemed to tremble with fear and the world roiled and shook with the coming into existence of a great being.
He was born.

As a child, I drank from his cup of wisdom, knowledge and clinical understanding
A regular Casanova with the chiseled looks and muscles of a Greek god, i bore witness to his exploits as a child, awed as to how a human being could command such power and greatness.

Dark Romeo
Possessed of arresting looks, towering intelligence and a silver tongue, the sorting hat would have surely placed him in House Slytherin.
Tom Ray Riddle, he would have been a wizard to rival He who must not be named.

With his magic, mischief and cons
He knows how to draw in maids, pretty and young.
At his feet, i lived as a demi-god in Camp half-blood,
journeyed to Hogwarts as a wide eyed wizard, marched and fought as part of a century in Camp jupiter,
ran in terror at the creatures in the world of Goose bumps,
wielded the sword of truth as the Black Seeker, struggled to achieve bankai as a shinigami in Soul Society,
learned how to shout to awaken my power in Dragon *****,
learned how to acquire sage mode as Jounin in Konoha

Raymond Severus Snape, my tutor in mastery of the dark arts and the subtle arts of mischief.
He goes by many names...some earned, some given. Though, chills run gleefully down my spine, i will make them known to the world.

It's strange how one can survive being sane for long.
Sometimes,just being in your senses is the greatest achievement you think you can achieve.
Being sensitive to feelings, hardships and unprepared deadlines, sleep is the biggest price you have to pay.

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Thats the only advice you receive.
It works for the moments your eyes aren't open. You see, the problem isn't that you're weak but this world is, who feel happy seeing you do it on your own.

Sometimes, just for your own comfort, you find it best to reside in a bubble.
A bubble that everything will be fine, that you'll get through successfully and that this unkind world is the issue.

How many times have you heard "this is how the world is, if you're going to succeed, you'll have to lose some sweat."
Dear world, sorry but it doesn't help, sleepless nights have been spent, much time has been wasted overthinking and hope has been lost trying to find comfort in the ones you love.

People make it through, people succeed, same is expected of you too, to be the same way.
Cry now and shine later on.
Everyone isn't the same way. All you need to do is button up and roll up your sleeves.
But "Maybe you'll get through this" is what you're looking for.

You're messed up.
Unrealistic daydreams and fictional worlds are part of your misery and they will never leave you alone.
Tomorrow when you find yourself standing alone with no one to hold your hand, remember it is you alone who carries your burdens, so you and only you can say to yourself, "you'll get through this" and smile looking up at the sky.