An outsider in my own world,
my mind is blank, but the thoughts still swirl,
of never being good enough,
or even worthy of this world.
I stay an outsider,
the pain is easier to bear that way.
Yet what if the pain never goes away?
This outsider business will be all for naught,
missing out on the wonders of the world,
places to go and wondrous sights to see.
This will be all for naught,
if this pain never fades.
Adapting to this principle is easier said than done.
Constantly anxious,
in fear that I may have done something,
to alienate those who seek this pathetic outsiders company.
I bring more trouble than I'm worth.
Blunder after blunder,
I'll never learn,
never grow into,
a functioning human being.
Maybe it's my emotional distance,
or the selfishness,
that manifests in my brain,
whenever the opportunity eventually presents itself.
My first ever poem