You're inconsistent.
You say this and then don't do it.
You say you're kind and gentle in your ways...or so your first intentions say.
But then you spit in my face by your unkept promises and expect me to forgive everytime you mess up.
You're inconsistent.
With your state of being and anger portrayed.
Today you seem happy and the next day you can't even crack a smile because you're stubborn!
You're stubborn in the fact that you cannot be convinced otherwise.
You're stubborn because you want everything done your way instead of the better way.
I hope you know there's people out there with better ideas and concepts than you.
You're selfish too...
You don't consider the fact that the person sitting next to you could be going through worse. Or maybe you do but, you still pity yourself. You still get consumed in your sadness and expect others to pick you up when you crumble and fall.
You're so inconsistent...I don't understand?!
It's time to get up and learn how to honour those above you and all of those around you by just simply...being consistent!

It's awfully quiet.
Not even the dripping from the tap or the singing of the birds
I guess it all comes down to my question...
What did I do?
Why does everyone go silent?
Why does nature hold its breathe when I'm around?

I'm awfully quiet.
Holding onto something, not sure what
I believe it's got to do with this beating heart in me and whoever lives inside of it
Why?
Why do I care so **** much, when half the people I once called friends give me the cold shoulder and pretend to ask how I'm doing only because  they want to end the conversation faster and run to their 'busy' lives and shut me out!

They're awfully quiet.
Those people who use to text to find out if I still have their book from senior year. The ones who made me laugh and made me feel great about life at some stage.

Absolutely silent!
I need to move on. I need to make new friends and forget the old. I need to go out and have others make me laugh.
But I don't. Because well; I'm still kinda breaking. I haven't moved on. I haven't searched for the noise of the 'New Beginnings' I usually preach on.

It's going to be okay though...I know it. I feel it.
I beg myself to believe...

She's been beaten, shaken and bruised!
They throw words in her direction that she tries so hard to dodge.
She's been beaten, shaken and bruised!!
All the silly jokes about the things she calls insecurities.
She's been beaten, shaken and bruised!!
BEATEN!!  SHAKEN!! BRUISED!!!
Poor little fragile KC in her state can't you see?!.
Can't you see the bruises on her soul and the cracks on her heart?!!!
It's funny how words can become atomic bombs planted in hearts and swords stabbed into souls.
Can't you see her brokenness?!
Or is she that good at hiding the truth.
She's been beaten, shaken and bruised.
She is a broken somebody.
She goes by the name of KC.
She is ashamed and she is filled with everything but good.

be careful how you use your words.
They break hearts and wake up nightmares, they beat up souls and drown a joyful spirit.
Be careful what you say...
Words hurt just as blades do.

She has no pride
No self love to begin with
How can you tell her she is self centered because she eats before the lunch breaks or how she makes tea for just herself and no one else
When she has no ego
She doesn't boast about victories or laugh at her own jokes
She doesn't tell everyone about her new hair cut or ask them to notice what's different today.
She does envy...
She hates that she couldn't get her grades above average or how she never had anything to be proud of.
She was jealous of the way her friends were content with life and happy when she would sit in her room and wonder why she cannot be them!
This is the girl you laugh at and the girl you underestimate just as much as she underestimates herself.

I see the consistency of you
I feel intensely as you hold me tight
You kiss my mind and entangle my soul with your consistency
You don't shy away when it comes to paying me a visit...
You send dead flowers and write me letters containing the memories you've taken the time to jot down of the first day we met.
You're kind enough to offer me a trip away to eternity. Just you and me.
I can hear it. The sounds of your urge to touch my wrists and my thighs too.
I hear how heavily you breathe inside me and your attempt to stay there...But my eyes leak in your presence, that is how overwhelmed I feel around you.
You are the truest.
You are the most consistent of them all.

DEAR PAIN.
It's me again...

She's not inviting...
Look at how she frowns at her reflection
Look at the way she rubs her eyes when she's tired
She's not pretty...
Her smile isn't honest
Her legs are short
Her hips are small
She eats so many carbs and speaks a lingo no one even gets
She drinks fizzy drinks and too much caffeine and spends most of her time updating her none social life.
She's not alluring...
Surrounded by boys and men of apparently good taste but not a single eye falls on her
She takes too long to get to work and smells of sweet flowers that no one really cares about anyway
She can be overly kind and blatantly blind to everything
Basically, she's a mess
She isn't fetching...
She doesn't have the charm every guy looks for or the sense of humor every other girl offers
She wears jeans and hoodies, I've never even seen her wear lipstick
She sings too loud and dances too proudly but never gets the chance to say she's sorry
She'll never be engaging...
She can stand on stage and say her speech but is she good at it? No
She stutters, and her mind slumbers along with her grifty gestures that no one even pays attention to
She loves her make up because oh she knows...
She doesn't stare too long in the mirror because, you know...
she is not...BEAUTIFUL!!

The problem isn't that they will never understand my pain but the fact that they don't even try to understand it.