I lost my sharpener blade recently
In tall, thick blades of grass.

So I guess there is something else out there,
A second unknown nature.

And I hope it's trying to save me
Because I'm not trying to save myself.

I love those mornings,
Rolling between the sheets,
Tenderly drifting in and out of light sleep.

Wasting a day for pure enjoyability,
Meaningless conversations
Being the meaning of the day.

Baking and dancing and doing whatever we want
With icing sugar dusting our eyelashes
And a glow settling on our cheeks.

All reminding me
Of the beauty that I saw
When we stargazed the night before,
Sitting carelessly on the velvet moonlight,
Only caring about each other.

Dreams are made of these moments;
Moments that I get to share with you each and every day.

We shared our dreams that night,
However quirky and aspirational they may be,
And we lit them in the stars
To make them shine a little brighter,
Like your smile on a rainy, pointless day.

Yes sometimes I do still miss what we had,
Sometimes I do think that I was wrong for letting go.

But then I remember how you treated me,
All the pain you so knowingfully caused me.

And then I realise I moved on without you.
How right I was doing so.

I still keep that photograph we took on our first date,
The one I treasured in a picture frame that you gave me for Valentine's.
I still look at it sometimes
See how happy I was.

I kept it

Because I hang on to my souvenirs
Because I like to remember my past

Because now you're just another memory.

I'm entitled to an opinion,
That's what they said.
But with their quality of recognition,
I'd may as well be dead.

They said I'd get better
That they'd stop the voices and their deafening shout,
However I know that this will never happen,
And that actually for me,

There is no way out.

I don't even know
What to say anymore
What to do
How to feel.

I spend my nights crying,
Hoping no one comes through the door
And sees my feeble tears.

I'm not strong anymore,
It's taken over
And there's nothing I can do to stop it.

I need to feel you
With your arms encasing me,
Our fingers entwining,
Without a word passing
Your oh so young lips.

I need your long, wistful gaze,
Just catching my glimpse,
Flipping my stomach,
Forming butterflies
That are so out of place.

I need to have the chemistry,
As I long for your love,
Your touch,
Your warm kisses
Lingering on me
Ever so delicately.

But then
I need to hate you,
Your careless ways,
And the empty passes by
We so briskly deny.

I need to open my eyes
And see that none of this is true.
Am I too dramatic?

After everything
You still capture me.
You shouldn't, my love,
Let me be.
Let me go.

You're better off ignoring me,
As soon as you talk to me
I latch on,
Become reliant on you.
And as soon as you leave
I blame myself,
Because I'm simply not good enough.

But I can't help it,
That when I'm shown attention
I grasp it
And as soon as you leave
I shall spend my nights
Hoping that you'll talk,
Show interest in me again.

But then I'm scared
I don't want to talk,
What if it goes wrong?
What if you realise I'm not right?
What will I be getting myself into?

So show me you love me, boy,
And commit to me like nothing else
Or don't show anything at all.
Because as soon as you show me
That you're more than a friend,
And I show you my flaws,
There's no going back.

And I will be left alone,
Me and my helpless attachment.