This little box we carry
Full of family, friends and
Social media trends
Messages, pictures, texts
Everything at your finger tips
With snaps and apps and
Google maps
But sometimes I just want to
Silence the beeps
Ignore all the tweets
And catch up with sleeps
Just be on my own
Not tied to a phone
But we now live in a world
Where you’re not allowed to be alone
And always have to check your phone
Texting back straight away
Because it can’t possibly wait a day
This is what people expect of me
And it’s not how the world used to be.

I walk around a graveyard
Not the one you rest Nichola
But my thoughts are on you and all the other lives too short
The flowers and Christmas tokens, decorating the place of rest of so many loved, touches me
The many forgotten dishevelled tombstones, saddens me
A life lived, lost and forgot
Names and dates are all that remain to mark the place where they are lain.
You will never be forgotten Nichola
You're part of the earth now
The trees that stand so tall and firmly grounded
The flowers in the spring
Part of all new life that will now begin

To look at the sky is to look at a moment
Look away and turn back and what you see has changed
The slightest change in sunlight
The subtle movement of clouds
The smallest movements can make the biggest difference
A rainbow filling the sky now gone.
A second in time and the sun has shifted, the world has moved on
To look at the sky is to look at a moment
Look away and you miss that moment

Why do people want to watch tv
The world outside is amazing
The sky, the fires we make
The sound of the ocean
The rustle of leaves from the breeze
The birds, the crickets, the splatter of rain
This is what I want to see not sit and watch the bbc

I am only doing what I think is right
Not everything is black and white
And yes it’s true
I may not have a clue
But please let me do
What I need to do
To find my own way through

I'm no ones comfort blanket that can be tossed and lost.
Picked up in the night but dropped by light.
I just want to be treated right.
My heart is sick of all you ****** who think Its ok to pick me up for kicks and licks on lonely nights,
dropped when you're feeling alright.
I just want to be treated right.
I'm left with This spite and want to fight you.
I hate this bitterness you've caused in side me.
My heart has reached a new low,  
a large portion now devoted to caution.
I just wish you could know.

I am proud to be your daughter
I’ve watched you rise through the snow
And grow and grow and grow

From seed to tree, it was great to see
How us three because strong
Even when things went wrong

Without you we would not stand this tall
The roots you gave us are what saved us

I love you mum

My instinct is to push you away
Your silence causes my mind to stray
Stray from what you say
I try not to get mad or sad
I push you from my mind
And just leave you behind

Perhaps you were teaching me how to be strong but you got it all wrong
The things you taught me ingrained  in me for life.
You taught me that people are powerful and there's nothing you can do
You taught me justice is unfair
You taught me intention doesn't matter an accident is just as wrong
You assumed I was born knowing right and wrong
That there is no time for failure mistakes or to get it wrong.
Thing is, non of this made me strong
I learnt not to fight when bad things happen
I learnt that the world is frightening and hard to get along
I learnt it always me who is in the wrong that gets things wrong.

This is to my younger self,
To the self that felt helpless
Felt like there was no hope.
There is hope and I am proof.
Proof that you are stronger than you think
That you are not alone
And you can get through.
To the self that saw no way out
Considered an end not a start to a journey.
To the girl who asked “why me?” Every day.
That feeling does go away.
To the girl who felt so alone
In a spider web of emotions.
You are not alone
To the girl who felt powerless
And now feels powerful
to have survived what no one deserves.
It was not your fault.
It was wrong
You are not wrong
What happened was wrong
You are not broken
Don’t give him anymore power than he already took.
Fight and you will win
You are strong
You are more powerful than him
You survived despite what he took
And that takes more than luck!

This person I knew
Couldn’t do these things
I learnt of you
This person I knew
Wouldn’t do these things
I learnt of you
This person I knew
Wasn’t you
This person she knew
Wasn’t you
And now you are new
Is this you?
Who are you?
I don’t have a clue
I hope this is you
How can you stop
This happening again
When you don’t know
How it began
Why you turned from me
To her without any care
You even cut you hair
All of this isn’t fair
Why didn’t you care?

Lonely is the leaving the radio on
So it doesn’t feel so empty coming home

I position myself here
Between you and fear
The middle ground
This is where I can be found
Every time I get to close to you
I’m reminded of reasons to be in fear
Reasons To stay clear
Every time I turn to run
your eyes bring me back to you
The honesty I crave make it so hard to turn away.
The middle ground is where I must
Stay
How long must I lay
Eyes looking both way
How long do I stay,
Here
On this middle ground

I just can’t get out my head
How you took her to bed
You say you were easily lead
But it was you that chose to get into bed
It was you that Packed your bag and left
Left me crying in the bath
While you went out to have a laugh
Plans of roasts, walks along the coast
I heard you said all the right things
What are these things you said
To try and get her to bed with
Aims of a kiss followed by bliss
How did I miss all this?

There is only one of me you see.
One of me but you chose to split yourself In three.
It’s not a third I want to see it’s the whole of you.
The black the white and all the shades of blue.
The whole colour spectrum all the way through
Three of us share your heart none of us good enough to choose
Be careful as in the end it’s only you that will lose.

I still can’t get my head around all this

We both were seeing a different man.
She was told she’d always been the “one”
What does that make me a two or maybe three?
Either way he never said that to me.
There was never talk of holiday plans
Marriage or Prams
I’m told the plans were for two
Yet I didn’t have a clue.
All of this he chose to hide
And I was taken for a ride
I still can’t decide what’s right and wrong
But the evidence shows that the feelings were strong.
If she didn’t end it and be so mean
I think he may be just as keen.
Asking to see her more
Sickens me right through the core
I don’t know if I can take any more

It is not weak to act with compassion
It’s not weak and understand,
And try and get the upper hand
It’s not weak to live trying to forgive
And It is not always weak to stay,
instead of just walking away
All of this shows strength and
I can hold my head up high
As all I’m ever asking is why
To understand and learn
Instead of just feeling the burn
It doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt
But that’s no reason to be curt
Compassion is the way through this
And it’s the only way I know
But this is how I Grow and grow and grow