my head is crushing in on itself about,
it feels like its about to pop.
can't think straight,
can't think clearly,
cant understand what i mean,
or what i meant to say,
chattering nonsense on and on.

im ready to spill,
with my organs still intact
and the curves and lines and guts inside,
lined up in a corner,
all neat and tidy and organised.

words spit themselves out from my mouth,
like little tiny faults and cuts across my tongue.
i drink on sorrow out a gasoline pump
lost in a facade of my identity
with no destination,
no path leading home.

let me squeeze my insides open
and make myself whole again.
with teeth yellowed,
eyes bloodshot,
throat burning and sore.
im set to go down a rabbit hole
and never climb back out.

emotions roam about uncontrollably,
they stick out in odd places,
and poke through the holes in my skin,
making it look ugly.

as i fill my holes with the alcohol,
these odd jobs and poor grades,
nothing seems the same,
nothing seems right,
nothing, nothing, nothing.
i am nothing less, nothing more.

overdosing on caffeine,
hitting the dopamine rush,
staying up late.
theres not enough of my melancholy,
to fill my bleeding heart.

im a sad little kid,
with a broken radio.
playing static sounds over and over,
mimicking a silly lullaby,
to hide that im all alone.

the only way out,
a final escape,
is to lose my own hand.
so i will live with the self-pity,
this selfish way to die.
waiting, waiting, waiting- snap!
for the day i can finally say goodbye.

plunge your sword into my chest,
and bury my miserable, twisted heart.
the red rivers gush out, aching for their freedom,
rivets of starry-eyed tears fall from the heavens above,
and onto the depths of the below, the endless, dark abyss.

rejoice, the foul beast has been slayed!
the horrible, wretched creature, dead beyond the grave.
swallow your bitterness thickly, and curse the despicable monster,
the lump in my throat grows bigger, and i curse the ******* before me.
determination fills my core, oozing and swirling about my stance,
i fall in despair, tumbling down the endless sea of nothingness.

with only the stars to witness my final act, my greatest deed for the world,
the savior of the living, the vanquisher of evil.
i am your unknown hero, with tales of heroics unsung and untold, all too unfamiliar.
alone in my due time, my only companions are the whispers in the wind.

forever left to roam the world, eternal in my solitude,
no friend, no foe, just my pitiful self.
the only escape resting in my very own hand, my life, my blade, my death.

The bleeding carcass of the rotting sun
Stretches upon,
under an insipid ocean.

Vast lands,
an eye only can see,
But never glance upon the silver of another moon.

bleeding hearts, buried amongst one another.
a casket of tomes, a stolen freedom
sword at the helm, an owner long gone,
one final strike, is all it took.

step after step through the sweltering heat
a thousand of tears drip down my chin
as i gaze down upon the endless valleys.

the fearless, facing the unknown
with bravery dying alongside their hearts,
yet coursing, rushing, and blazing through mine.

tear down the banners,
storm the city!
burn the listless memories.
tell the whole world-
the cruel fury of a god is no more.

with freedom is on the horizon,
all but a glimpse away,
hope blooms once more,
it lights up the darkest of times,
soothing the aches of my heart.

to reenact the spark of rebellion,
to purge this world of destruction,
to rid of this wretched eternity.
one final strike, is all i'll need.

But why?
Why?
Purpose fills my mind
I don't understand a thing
It's quiet, no words are spoken,
Just pure, suffocating silence
Take me home,
I've assimilated with the garden of bones.
Are you feeling happy now?
Finally you have peace
No more noise screaming in your head
Such gratifying relief.

my brain feels so exhausted
like i can't think can't talk cant try
i don't want to
my head hurts
it feels like in a moment, it might blow up, burst and pop!
rolling to the side, like a lone little thing
my body dismayed, akin to a saggy ragdoll
the cracks underneath my skin, so thin and tiny
broken broken broken human
can you even call yourself a person
i throw up looking at my reflection in the mirror
i can't recognise that figure behind the screen
a liar
you lied
happiness is nowhere near
i am alone
all alone
with my thoughts racing in my head, ready to explode

The wind flutters freely, while breezes drift about in my hair
A warmth envelopes me, making me feel loved inside
Sweet words like honey, softening my heavy heart
You untied my noose, and set me free
From the shackles of others' expectation, and the burden of being alone
You brought me back to reality.

Now, you hold onto my hand tight,
Never letting go, you showed me the light
Like a shooting star in the night sky,
You blazed brightly, leading me through the dark
You taught me how to fly, amongst the birds, and soar up high.

With the gift of flight, it gave me a purpose
A reason to keep on living, to carry on loving.
Finally, you embraced me softly, and told me something unforgettable-
"I love you too.”

The aching in my heart longs for your warmth
With tears welling in the creases and crevices
I feel almost sorry, to see you go
Remembering all the moments we spent together
Looking back at the books of our history
We had many happy memories
Ones that can never be taken back, never be returned
To the same form they used to
Tarnished with cruelty you showed me
I'll never be the same again
Losing myself, piece by piece
Is this what they call, a heartbreaking first love?

Everyone lives like a coffin
People only care about what the person used to be
They love the memory, but not the mistery
Of seeing a beloved one rotting inside
Cheeks pale, eyes closed,
How could anyone think that they were once alive?
A shell of their former self,
Presented neatly for all to see
It's shameful to think about
How, in their last moments,
They are paraded as a tool,
And not treated carefully, like the human they once were.

In a lifetime.
One chance, one dream, one wish.    
I live only once.
Thank god it's only once!
But I long to be free.
I'm caged in a prison.
Was it of my own making?
I stay inside regardless.
I'm afraid to leave.
To see what others might think of me.

A wish. I wish to be happy.
But I get nothing. Brutal agony.
I hate I hate I hate. I hate it.
Or do I simply hate myself?
Questions never get answered.
I can't be happy.
I can never let myself feel-
Nothing other than grief.
I don't deserve anything else
But miserable.

Hello, I ask?
Everyone wants something. Someone.
They always want. They always need.
Always so greedy, always so selfish. But I give in, regardless.
So why do you care? Do you even care?
Please care. Please, love me.
No. I'm wrong, like always.
I mistake your intentions.
I lied to myself. No one loves me.

Now, think. Clearly.
What do I remember?
Nothing. I don't know why.  
I forgot how to speak. How to remember.
Your smile. Your laughter. Your warmth.
The sun rises and falls. You come and go.
I reach out. No one is there.
You're gone like the wind.
Quickly slipping into my heart
And quickly leaving, leaving me to rot.

Who am I?
People say different things, great and good and horrible
I don't know what's the truth.
But when I look into the mirror,
The reflection staring right back at me,
I know it's me.
But it used to be someone else.
No. They are gone now.
I stole them away in the night
Crushed their heart into pieces
Smashed their brain into bits
I took over their identity.
I miss you. I miss me.
But why?
To someone I don't even know,
How can I miss you?

I'm guilty. The red is on my hands.
Everything in my head is screaming
Die, die, and die!
My thoughts, my memories, my love.
Lost all meaning.
I'm falling now.
I don't remember anyone.
I don't remember anything.
I don't remember anymore.  
What did I forget?
Who did I forget?
Why...
I repeat. I don't know. Endlessly.

There is-
One end, and only one death.
One, and only one.
Never less, never more.
Still it's never quite enough.
To live without the dreams,
To love without the memories,  
There is no purpose in this world.    
Forget. Apologize. Repeat.
Again, and again, and again.
I'm tired of this cycle.
Click. Thud. Snap.  
Weep, my dear child.
For whom?
The stars, my soul, and nothing else.

an explosion racks through my mind
in the dark, there comes a whisper
let me live, let me live
now it begs and screams, haunts me in the night
to let it live, to let it live
and i’m thinking of the weight you carry
the burden you have to bury
yet at the end of the day
i miss her (and so, so much more.)

I'm glad I left your room tidy.

When they come for your things,
I'll whisper your name,
why the room was too full,
too suffocating.

Too much, too little,
a glass half full,
its emptiness consumes me whole.
It tips over to the edge, barely in place.

You smile and smile and smile it seems so real, but the water is piping hot,
the smoke and ashes form pretty shades on my arms,
I can't help but choke.

An unquenchable thirst,
a lump in my throat that seems to burst out,
I cough, you wretch.

All for a flower.
I crush its leaves,
the petals in my eyes,
my vision clouds,
I stumble,
The plug is pulled.

The hotline is dead.
Sinking deeper, out of the ***,
and into the boiling sea.
The room is angry.
A raging fire,
spitting flames of contempt.

The pale, cold floor,
my eyes unfocused,
like your bed,
empty.

A dream of a future,
all gone.

The walls tear and chew themselves on the inside, the carpet shrivels up and sinks.
Red and roses were your favorite.

A pretty sight,
all the roses that bloomed across your chest,
the chill in your bones never seemed to leave.

Few of those flowers blossom.
Thick, long vines of red,
trickle down from my wrists and onto the floor,
spreading out into beautiful roses.

I'm glad I left your room tidy, my beloved.

Chores can finally rest easy tonight, and so can you.

Please snap off all the strings,
That hang me down from the ground.
Dictate my feelings, give me rules to follow
Not a thought in sight, a word in mind
The audience, we know what you are.
A mere puppet in the wings, waiting.
Walking alongside you aimlessly,
Looking for a path that leads to nowhere.

Capable of loving, knowing what's worth living,
Forever endless toiling, from the winds of change
Enduring eternal hardship, with the bellowing storm.
Does the aforementioned guilt still linger on your mind?
Pain is all I despise, craving relief amidst the raging havoc
Whispers for salvation, but none hear my cries
Granted no mercy, to soothe this aching, to mend this broken heart.

Fasten a gift ribbon around my neck
Tighten and twist, form a bitter departure
Your bone meets my flesh, together we form a human,
Intertwined in fate, but never meant to be
Cut it loose, you're someone I need to lose
Looking for a way to live alone, to leave this encroaching trap
Impossible for a moment of escapism, for it will only seek to strangle me in the end.

little starry dreamer, don’t hide your sin
blood follows your dripping tears
telling from the pages, you are not innocent
i can see the fronts you put up, all those silly disguises
and the lies beneath those eyes.

when the riverbanks turn up dry,
and roots on the ground shrivel up and rot
will you keep asking yourself, why, why, why?
when everything you once loved finally dies
leaving you without hesitation, not a second thought
will you realize all you believed in, was just a mere filthy lie?

the rich will get richer, and the poor will simply die
but i have to eat the starving crows
stuck between the lines, of poverty and the cold
roaming, lost, at the ****** crossroads
was the path to happiness always a lie?

i always wondered, how could betrayal be so bitter?
one would never expected their friend
to be the one who dealt them the worst hand.
now, tell me, good sir, where do you draw the line,
between the truth and the lies
is it only when your child commits suicide...
or do you have something else to hide?

we can see all the misdeeds
implanted, howling in your mind
your unorthodox cravings, your every need
so don't try to hide
your true malicious nature.
how do you plead? guilty.

pray tell, don't lie
im boiling,
brimming on the surface of lucidity
voice, full of venom,
dripping with raging acidity
you should know the limits of your regret
and never, ever forget
i’m here for your self depreciation
because i’m always on your side
in the storm, no matter what
i'll be there.
but...

you have to take my hand
and let yourself sink in the misery
asking, what am i doing this for?
see the logic, the motive, the reason
behind every action, every movement
then say you understand
the consequences of war.

the two of us knew
it was never meant to be.
(was it only me, or maybe you too?)
but we pretended to be together,
we pretended to be free.
yet, despite everything
without you, i am nothing
for you, i am nothing
and i will always be nothing, to you.

with the silence burning the tips of my ears,
and in my arm, laid a bouquet of fresh roses
i always noticed you...
amongst the weeds in the garden, you were fluttering freely in the sky
so i whisked away all your hopes, dreams, and fears,
i clipped your wings, yet demanded for you to fly.

now, open your eyes, and see.
this basket of flowers' thorns, that robbed you of your sight  
with my promises of love fading into false proposes
i had stolen your heart in the middle of the night
but never returned it back to the sender! (i’m waiting for you... are you waiting for me too?)

Empire of distrust crumbs under the weight
Of a fortuitously timed defeat
Betrayal sinks in, the storm of the century
A slice of ill luck will shrivel in its grave
Come forth a hero, who rises from the flames
Let glory shower this coat of arms
Below reveals a casket of lies
Deceit entombed deep in their bones

Weakness
My bones feel weak
Round my eyes spin

Like the earth
Faster, faster I go
Spiral downwards, tipsy over the edge
It creeps out, inside it goes

Peeling and peeling the layers
Crimson, red and hot
This is not my skin

Longing for freedom, to drift, like the boats on the shore
The ocean calls, it wants me to stay.
With sunny days gone, now knocking on the door
Promising to keep the sea of regret at bay
So I don't forget who I made these memories for
Now, steal this feeling of sorrow away
And smile all day, living freely once more.

Close your eyes and forget
All the lost ones along the way
Sleep peacefully, in the midst of the meadow
My forehead adorned with a wreath of flowers
Blooming prettily under the sunlight
A locked chest, behind glass doors
I stay back, closed off from the world
In my clasped hands,
Lies my key, alone and firm
Open this lock quickly, and free me from my chains
Into the dizzying, enchanting creation
Of people's hopes and dreams
Remember the promise I had bestowed upon you
That once I could fly, you'll look back, Watching me from the sky
And finally let me spread my wings, and take flight.

New life comes, taking in every breath
But with spirited birth, comes unseemly passing.  
So I contemplate over the aftermath
Ruminating for any causes of death
Since I have nothing else to think about
To take up my days of leisure

Too afraid of tying up loose ends
Abandoning all of my closest friends
For a mere slip-knot, and a moment of doubt
My way, my compass, my long winding path,
I lost everything.

Tears wash away the stains
Time erodes any yearning pain
The things I kept close to my heart
And everything I held dear
All lost to my lonely, selfish fear
This love, no longer mine.

I molded stones into tall buildings
I formed the thoughts that you were thinking
I gave up the world so you could live
But in the end,
You ignored the miracle of my gift
You fell from the sky, up above
And sank into the abyss, down below
Yet, I waited and waited in the cold
Saying goodbye to a past memory  
Only for you to say you forgot me.

I'm-
Thinking about something.
Something, someone I forgot.
A companion, who had made my heart warm,
This friendship, now faded, and withdrawn
And a home, where I believed, I could finally belong.  
Each and every one of them... truly long gone.

All that remains after is nothing,
Except this pent-up swirl of emotions
Screaming out of rage
It's begging for you to forgive yourself, and move on
Please turn the page, and end this story.

Don't worry about before,
Live in the present, not the past
In order to set yourself free, from this cage of misery
To find a happy ending for both you and me
You must leave the stormy seas,
And venture out to the beyond.
Leave, dearest me, and finally be happy.

How can that lovely, pursed mouth of yours
Spew such horrid and distasteful lies,
Utter nonsense dripping from your lips
When you say,
Dig my heart out, for the masses to see
How much I loved you, how dear you were to me
They sting and burn, chipping away at my skin
Ruining me from the inside out, I've become ugly
It hurts when you speak, it's killing me slowly.
Why, why do you hate me?

A handful of coins, to pay the fee for the bus.

Quiet chats, with rough leather seats, a skin away from alive. Scenery, stretching out into the unknown, the window outside, painting a gateway to the acres of trees.

I smile, knowing these moments are between the two of us.
Just you and me.

With the sea and sky for company,
Guided, by a soulful dream
We are one.