its a long way down
down and down, goes the stairs
tilting right around the bend
sometimes, it takes a realisation
that some things can't be mended ever again
that a mistake lives with you forever
like a stray dog following its savior
once abandoned by its family
only to find itself wrapped in the arms of
a god, a false divinity
with fake promises of cherished love
i fall in love with a lie instantly
there's a little less than hope left
and i feel like i have no choice but to give in
losing my final say in the matter
i throw my casket out in surrender
asking the coroner to prepare the body
to seep my bones with euthanasia
and **** the life in me, forever

im sorry for ever daring to be born
and for every breath i stole from the world
i apologise for it all, every single terrible deed
my regrets run deep, seeping into the underneath
what should i say now? im sorry.
i beg of you, pleading for your mercy
please return this body of mine to the sea
and set my unsightly remains free
i wish to leave this earth peacefully
now, i sit alone, surrounded by the dense foliage
all alone, as these things should be

what does it matter?
i tire, i toil tirelessly
my mind goes awander
im not sure where i am now
in the moment, or lost forever
that, i think about carefully,
something i take the time to ponder
when one is far apart from another,
does that make the heart grow fonder?
or cause the bond between two to grow stronger
a striking question indeed, i wonder.

sorrow fills my being
it feels so emptying
words feel funny, like an inside joke
and i stand around silly, trying not to mope
about the people i left behind,
the words forgotten, trying to cope
with all the visible seriousness in an act that must be taken, i float aimlessly
my hands grasping around the line
of a firmly tied rope
rhymes are silly, words are silly
nothing makes sense anymore
why bother with a sense of structure?
what it makes for a fitting end
will never be able to replicate the magic of a beginning
and the brilliant birth of an idea
that all stems from me, my thinking
died that very night, when i lost hope
when the song of rhythm was stolen from me
when my spirit faded away, into the world.
there is, there was nothing.
my existence, my birth is an endless cycle,
of misery, i turn about waiting for the end of this tragedy
what comes first, the idea, the thought, chicken, or-
the egg's yolk?

im-
tired.
what used to be?
gone.
i need some form of pity,
some reason to keep living,
to keep leaving, to keep doing something
anything at all
but nothing comes to mind
splutters of semblance crosses my mind
i miss you,
sometimes.

the spirit of a ghost withers away
in the eyes of the world, it stills
what does it mean to live freely?
no one knows the answer, but we can try
to live without regrets, is the greatest joy
unfortunately, life may go astray,
but still, try to live your life,
it's the only one you get in this lifetime
i wonder why, people are only born once?
is it because we cherish things more?
they say second chances are true, but what is the redo for life?
you only have one opportunity, so you must take it
i regret my choices, but i must move on
no matter what, grab the strands of life firmly
and go into the light, standing bravely
embrace your number one,
your only one.

words flow about freely
something i never thought i would see
but then i hoped to see you again
and that came true, didn't it?
i thought i lost you forever, my former self
to the ends of the earth i travelled, looking for you
finally, at the finale of the journey, i realised-
you were with me all along, waiting.

if i tie a knot around my neck
and step off quickly,
will that make the process go much more smoothly
and finally cement the choice as wholly mine?
after being in the wings for so long,
can i grow a pair of my own, finally?
does this mean my life is over, the suffering lost,
and the tears spilled along the way, meaningless?
ever since i came out into the world,
and had to face my reflection, my own making,
i could see every part of my mistakes,
i was my own undoing.
there is no fixing this error, it started when i was born
so maybe the solution is to die
to end myself.

the words written above
are a struggle to express honestly
when i depart, in the middle of the night
i think of everyone, carefully and earnestly
forever, thank you, and-
goodbye.

Maybe I'm a washed up lighthouse
And you're my broken sun
I'm drifting off course
Looking for the one.

Oh.
So many voices, crumbling in the grooves of my brain
Chanting, questioning, whispering
Where did it all go wrong?
I can't help but rub the temple of my head
And feel the firm, hardness of my cranium
Reminiscing on the work put in by my parents to create this trouble, to invent this mistake
Painstakingly so, I ponder

I want to waste it all.

To ruin this effort, to rid myself of humanity
I'm thinking about dying.
I'm thinking about how-
To gain a glaring spot between my eyes
To bare a gaping hole through my insides
To slice up thin, disorderly rows and bleed out dry.

I look up to the heavens, eyeing the strands of my fate
All tied neatly with a gift ribbon
The hands above offered me a string, to tether my soul closer to God
I find myself nearer to the sky, in the form of a crass, hanging oval
Perfectly shaped, for my humble, bowed pathway
That connects my skull to the rest of my body
Please, I beg softly, to the one in the sky
Let me pass, let this purgatory end.

And then, I look down below,
To the one that got away
The **** of the earth, those who shall never be loved, never be named
And I can't help but think-
That I belong there, with them
That I must suffer for my sins, alongside them.

Dreaming was something I regret deeply.
Now, I must live out the rest of my days,
Filled with meaninglessness, forgetting about what could have been
For failing to remember my place amongst the people
And for thinking I could ever be happy.

Lacerations litter your every being,
Slits decorate the spaces between your arms,
The skin around your incisions reddened in fury,
And the mess simply peeled apart at the seams.
With self-gratification as your holy grail,
You wait anxiously, for the next moment of temporary relief.
Knowing every time, you give into your desires of hatred
That you'd slice yourself up giddily, with no thought taken to spare
For the consequences that come after, the burning red scars,
And the choice, the temptation, to suffer all over again.

We've lost all our hopes and dreams
Society has clipped our fragile wings
It has taken all of our ambitions
And left us with nothing but a decision.
To give up the world, and all that is dear
to us.
To leave us somber, in our final moments.

I find your arms wrapped around mine tightly,
Suffocating my will nauseatingly
The rest of my life, I'm burning away in your presence.
While sinking deeper into the abyss,
I am enamored with your sugary-sweet lies
Promising this time I have left to you.

As much it aches my fragile heart,
I love you.

Won't you give me a final chance?
To live with you breathing down my neck
I need to be with you forever.
With the hope that feels so far away,
And all the things that mean something-
Just forget it ever existed.

Is the red splashes on my face another way of saying you love me?
Do the tears symbolize drops of your never-ending devotion?
Your confession of sin thoroughly confuses me.

And I shunned every part of you, from my memory
Maybe I am the villain for painting you in black.
I can't decide what role you play in this story.

Gently rocking, my cradle astray
Peer through the lens, to see the fragments of recollection
I can only see the world, in black, white and monotonous shades of gray.
With me, will you stay, forever?

It's the only decision that you made of your own choosing
While nobody cares that you're always losing
And nobody cares that you're always bleeding
Say, who really cares about what you're feeling?
When all your love will simply amount to nothing.

Trusting in our savior to protect us from harm
We believed in your neverending reign of glory
Your thick, tall lies, built us up above
Scaffolding our expectations of you really were
A liar, a fake, a false revelation.

Do I matter?
Do I have a purpose?
Should I die?
Ask, and ask, and ask.
Pray. Pray. Pray.
Yet you receive nothing but contempt. Nothing but silence. Nothing at all-
Except your voice, echoing in the halls.

Regardless,
I still deem you as my savior.
Lies piled upon lies,
Delusions become my reality.
So, reach out your hand to me,
My kind lord
You shine brightly, among the stars
Your grasp felt like salvation.
You are my everything,
My reason to survive.
You are my joy and pride,
My reason to keep this life.

My god, I am your devotee
Dearest lord, please bless me
Free us from our worldly desires,
From all of our selfish inhibitions,
And lead us to the correct end, the final decision.

But why?
Why?
Purpose fills my mind
I don't understand a thing
It's quiet, no words are spoken,
Just pure, suffocating silence
Take me home,
I've assimilated with the garden of bones.
Are you feeling happy now?
Finally you have peace
No more noise screaming in your head
Such gratifying relief.

Apologies fill my head
How can I explain my actions?
Forgiveness is out of the question
I'm sorry, for lying
A story without its conclusion
I'll leave the stage
I'm tired of this endless suffering
I'm still stuck in the beginning
Drifting.

What to do? What to do?
Sorrow fills my bones
Sorrow, I'm sorry.
How can I ever get you to look at me the same?
I know you're gone
And it's exhausting
You're gone, and this love is toxic.

But where else could I go?
Only home, in your arms.
So accept me back, my love.
Hold me tight, hold me close
Love me forever, and love me the most.
While I make many empty promises
Like when I promised you
That I would never leave
I never meant for it to turn out to be a lie
If I had told you, a long time ago
How I truly felt, how I loved you so
Would you still have left, and let me go?

Regrets are boundless.
I’m sorry dearest,
I understand your grief
And I’m sorry for leaving,
Will you forgive me?

How can that lovely, pursed mouth of yours
Spew such horrid and distasteful lies,
Utter nonsense dripping from your lips
When you say,
Dig my heart out, for the masses to see
How much I loved you, how dear you were to me
They sting and burn, chipping away at my skin
Ruining me from the inside out, I've become ugly
It hurts when you speak, it's killing me slowly.
Why, why do you hate me?

i turn to god and ask him silently
what right do you have to determine our lives?
the strings of fate, grip us tightly
we are bound for the path you have set for us
how much are you going to keep robbing the poor?
until they've spent every last of their expenditure
what choice do the poor men have?
they can only follow along reluctantly.
on and on, to the front they go
like ants they die out, quietly.

this is hell on earth.
repeating this cycle again and again.
of forgiveness, of forgetfulness,
oh how i despite it so.
i wait, and wait, and wait,
for a moment of peace,
for a moment of freedom.
but there is nothing-
except my cold, bitter self,
and my long lost hope for the future.
i lay there, and rot,
knowing my time of purgatory will never end.
it will just.
keep.
going.
and i will sink,
and let myself drown in this sorrow,
so i may never have to think about
struggling to breathe again.

guilt, guilt, guilt!
it swallows me whole,
and devours my insides,
leaving nothing left.
i am consumed by it,
every fiber of my being,
lost to the feeling.
regrets bubble up in my throat,
mistakes ive made fill up my mind and make me spiral.
how could someone love someone so imperfect?
how could i ever forgive myself?
do i deserve forgiveness, god?
i plead for an answer, but i can only wallow in my misery.
sorry, sorry, sorry, a thousand times,
but the intended receiver never accepts my plea of pity,
because i will never forgive myself for my endless sins.
sorry.
did i say too much?

Dearest Captain,

The one at the helm of my ship
Leading the path through the storm
These tides rock me over, making me uneasy  
Between the devil and the deep blue sea, it truly is-
Suffocating like the waves, who steals the air out of my lungs
Ferocious like the wind, who knocks the breeze out of my sails.

Alas my savior, I will confess
With my love as boundless as the sea
And as vast as the endless ocean
I must ask for your guidance once more-
Be my only compass, and liberate this process of thinking
I wish for nothing less, and nothing more.

Show me the light, kind sailor
Tell me which way to go
Which way to think, which way to breathe,
You are my everything,
You mean the world to me.
It pains me, from an old seafarer, to say these words.
To my dear Captain, my journey ends here.
Fair Winds and Following Seas!

Farewell.

my brain feels so exhausted
like i can't think can't talk cant try
i don't want to
my head hurts
it feels like in a moment, it might blow up, burst and pop!
rolling to the side, like a lone little thing
my body dismayed, akin to a saggy ragdoll
the cracks underneath my skin, so thin and tiny
broken broken broken human
can you even call yourself a person
i throw up looking at my reflection in the mirror
i can't recognise that figure behind the screen
a liar
you lied
happiness is nowhere near
i am alone
all alone
with my thoughts racing in my head, ready to explode

To fall in love with the world
You must understand its beauty, its unearthly grace
An alluring voice draws you nearer, to the ends of the universe
It holds you close, almost lovingly, whispering in your ear  
"Please love me forever"
Do what it says quickly, and follow their every command unquestionably
As you struggle to satisfy its insatiable appetite
With misplaced exchanges, forgotten promises,
It will spin you a tale, a drop of a lie,
I love you, my dearest.

Close your eyes and forget
All the lost ones along the way
Sleep peacefully, in the midst of the meadow
My forehead adorned with a wreath of flowers
Blooming prettily under the sunlight
A locked chest, behind glass doors
I stay back, closed off from the world
In my clasped hands,
Lies my key, alone and firm
Open this lock quickly, and free me from my chains
Into the dizzying, enchanting creation
Of people's hopes and dreams
Remember the promise I had bestowed upon you
That once I could fly, you'll look back, Watching me from the sky
And finally let me spread my wings, and take flight.

This is our way of life
Turning and turning around, never stopping
Competing in a never-ending race for the end
Not knowing what our destination is,
But running, sprinting towards for something, anything
To tell us, to comfort us
That the sacrifices we made along the way
Was worth it for a temporary relief, and a futile reward.

Now do you understand me?

How useless our lives are, in the grand scheme of things
We mean nothing.
We are just a string of words
Names in a yellowed book
Photos from a forgotten memory
Numbers on a shadowy screen
Pure nonsense scrambles out of our mouths
Wishing to make sense of our existence.

To do something, anything,
To make our time worthy, to find reason.
To fill in the holes in the space between us
To give purpose in a meaningless life
To give hope in a society of melancholy
To give us something to believe in.

We attach useless answers to these questions
But there is no point in this senseless action
Twirling in the insanity of the universe
The desperation to feel needed and be used, to feel loved and be hated
It makes us whole, full, complete
Like we were never missing anything in the first place
It removes the longing void in our hearts, and the empty aching in our souls

God, I ******* hate myself.

Every ill-timed breath is struggle
It serves as a reminder of how difficult it is to live
A temporary relief from the harsh reality of the world
An explosion of euphoria from the joy of living,
Then the regret that comes with a slow, painful death
Forgetting, forgiving, for someone.  

The crazy, turning, twisting world
That lifts me off my feet, and forces me to walk
I'm dying and breathing and living in a world,
In a tiny universe, where I am worth less than a penny
Because I have burnt out my candle, the light no longer flickers
And I have cut off my stems, the petals. will wither, and eventually die.

Realisation dawns upon me, a strange sun in the starry sky
On a planet, where everything, anything and something has meaning,
It will never be enough.
Nothing is good enough.

Nothing.

I repeat this word to understand my position
My task, my hand, my purpose
I don't know what else exists for me
Except burying myself into the roots of this world

Nothing.

I amount to nothing, nothing, nothing.
Always, and absolutely
Nothing, nothing at all.

I don't understand.

Everyone lives like a coffin
People only care about what the person used to be
They love the memory, but not the mistery
Of seeing a beloved one rotting inside
Cheeks pale, eyes closed,
How could anyone think that they were once alive?
A shell of their former self,
Presented neatly for all to see
It's shameful to think about
How, in their last moments,
They are paraded as a tool,
And not treated carefully, like the human they once were.

The aching in my heart longs for your warmth
With tears welling in the creases and crevices
I feel almost sorry, to see you go
Remembering all the moments we spent together
Looking back at the books of our history
We had many happy memories
Ones that can never be taken back, never be returned
To the same form they used to
Tarnished with cruelty you showed me
I'll never be the same again
Losing myself, piece by piece
Is this what they call, a heartbreaking first love?

I'm at that age
Where I start thinking about the reason I'm living
And why I should keep existing with such cruelty
All these thoughts grow and take root in the brains
Squeezing to fit, inside the spaces in my skull
They become too heavy, too thick for my head
And burst out to escape, dying in the process
When I'm thinking about all these big things
I feel small, little and tiny,
I'm barely sixteen,
Yet I wish to die so early.

We've shot down every bird in the sky
And replaced them with artificial wings, for our aircraft to fly
But can lost ideas and machinations really keep this tiny stubborn world afloat?
When you told me you wished to make the world a better place,
Did you mean one lacking of painful suffering and misery,  
But also free of an earnest expression of oneself?
Buried amongst the sand of dashed hopes and dreams
Lies the heart of humanity, the crux of it all,
Something we've forgotten,
Forgiveness.

You tear me down, and crush my heart into pieces
Forcing me to fit in a mold, always two sizes too small,
I can't even recognise who I am in the mirror anymore
The cycle repeat over and over again
So I can't help but ask myself relentlessly
How many more times must I pick up my broken pieces
And make myself perfect for you?

Living in the past
You should have known it'd never last
You were never there
You were never anywhere to found

With nowhere to call home
You left them to die
All alone on their own
But you should have known
They'd make it past eighteen
They lived their lives, they survived the horrid lies

So **** this mortality,
You don't deserve to be forgiven.
Just rot, rot and rot
Suffer like the ******* you are,
You don't deserve mercy,
Die.

The wind flutters freely, while breezes drift about in my hair
A warmth envelopes me, making me feel loved inside
Sweet words like honey, softening my heavy heart
You untied my noose, and set me free
From the shackles of others' expectation, and the burden of being alone
You brought me back to reality.

Now, you hold onto my hand tight,
Never letting go, you showed me the light
Like a shooting star in the night sky,
You blazed brightly, leading me through the dark
You taught me how to fly, amongst the birds, and soar up high.

With the gift of flight, it gave me a purpose
A reason to keep on living, to carry on loving.
Finally, you embraced me softly, and told me something unforgettable-
"I love you too.”

New life comes, taking in every breath
But with spirited birth, comes unseemly passing.  
So I contemplate over the aftermath
Ruminating for any causes of death
Since I have nothing else to think about
To take up my days of leisure

Too afraid of tying up loose ends
Abandoning all of my closest friends
For a mere slip-knot, and a moment of doubt
My way, my compass, my long winding path,
I lost everything.

Tears wash away the stains
Time erodes any yearning pain
The things I kept close to my heart
And everything I held dear
All lost to my lonely, selfish fear
This love, no longer mine.

I molded stones into tall buildings
I formed the thoughts that you were thinking
I gave up the world so you could live
But in the end,
You ignored the miracle of my gift
You fell from the sky, up above
And sank into the abyss, down below
Yet, I waited and waited in the cold
Saying goodbye to a past memory  
Only for you to say you forgot me.

I'm-
Thinking about something.
Something, someone I forgot.
A companion, who had made my heart warm,
This friendship, now faded, and withdrawn
And a home, where I believed, I could finally belong.  
Each and every one of them... truly long gone.

All that remains after is nothing,
Except this pent-up swirl of emotions
Screaming out of rage
It's begging for you to forgive yourself, and move on
Please turn the page, and end this story.

Don't worry about before,
Live in the present, not the past
In order to set yourself free, from this cage of misery
To find a happy ending for both you and me
You must leave the stormy seas,
And venture out to the beyond.
Leave, dearest me, and finally be happy.

Watch the audience clamor about,
Unaware of their own obsessive, unsavory nature within
They cluster together,
Muttering, and murmuring
"Outsider, Outsider...
You don't belong here."  
Ignorant little pests.
Bloodthirsty insects buzzing around
Waiting for the finale, with its novelty painted in gold
The ending spectacle for their own entertainment.

Society dictates one follow the status quo
And every now and then
The voices are saying to go with the flow
But I can't help but ask
When, when will this suffering end?
When can I learn to speak up,
And finally say no-
To the demands of the selfish men?

Then, I remember there's a spine ingrained in my back
To make up for the ego I lack
Holding no blatant disregard for the misery of many
Not wanting to spare a single penny
Leaving the masses to cry alone.

But I'm surrounded by corrupted souls,
All living on their own
I keep feeding into this endless lie
Grasping onto the strands of life
Always holding on to the delusions of hope...
But why?
Struggling, day in, and day out
I've already died.
So why should I bother to try?

One day...
The sea will set me free
I'd accept my place under the stars
Dancing all night long,
Enjoying my time endlessly, about the days past of glory.

Oh, how I long for that day-!
The day I can finally smile and sing,
With a beaming joy in my heart,
And fondness for the gift of life that was bestowed upon me.

I'm yearning for this long-awaited freedom
To feel the heavy burden lift up from my shoulders
To look into the mirror, and tell my reflection this-
That things will finally be okay.

In a lifetime.
One chance, one dream, one wish.    
I live only once.
Thank god it's only once!
But I long to be free.
I'm caged in a prison.
Was it of my own making?
I stay inside regardless.
I'm afraid to leave.
To see what others might think of me.

A wish. I wish to be happy.
But I get nothing. Brutal agony.
I hate I hate I hate. I hate it.
Or do I simply hate myself?
Questions never get answered.
I can't be happy.
I can never let myself feel-
Nothing other than grief.
I don't deserve anything else
But miserable.

Hello, I ask?
Everyone wants something. Someone.
They always want. They always need.
Always so greedy, always so selfish. But I give in, regardless.
So why do you care? Do you even care?
Please care. Please, love me.
No. I'm wrong, like always.
I mistake your intentions.
I lied to myself. No one loves me.

Now, think. Clearly.
What do I remember?
Nothing. I don't know why.  
I forgot how to speak. How to remember.
Your smile. Your laughter. Your warmth.
The sun rises and falls. You come and go.
I reach out. No one is there.
You're gone like the wind.
Quickly slipping into my heart
And quickly leaving, leaving me to rot.

Who am I?
People say different things, great and good and horrible
I don't know what's the truth.
But when I look into the mirror,
The reflection staring right back at me,
I know it's me.
But it used to be someone else.
No. They are gone now.
I stole them away in the night
Crushed their heart into pieces
Smashed their brain into bits
I took over their identity.
I miss you. I miss me.
But why?
To someone I don't even know,
How can I miss you?

I'm guilty. The red is on my hands.
Everything in my head is screaming
Die, die, and die!
My thoughts, my memories, my love.
Lost all meaning.
I'm falling now.
I don't remember anyone.
I don't remember anything.
I don't remember anymore.  
What did I forget?
Who did I forget?
Why...
I repeat. I don't know. Endlessly.

There is-
One end, and only one death.
One, and only one.
Never less, never more.
Still it's never quite enough.
To live without the dreams,
To love without the memories,  
There is no purpose in this world.    
Forget. Apologize. Repeat.
Again, and again, and again.
I'm tired of this cycle.
Click. Thud. Snap.  
Weep, my dear child.
For whom?
The stars, my soul, and nothing else.

Plastic artificial lifeless doll
Is that what I mean to you?
I stayed by your side
Yet you took away my right
To speak my mind freely.

I was nothing more than a price tag
And a useless waste of a tool
I'm slowly losing myself, piece by piece
My life's worth, torn to shreds
I can't pretend to feel alive anymore
My heart is dying, rotting away
I die with every touch, day by day
It's an expired can of worms,
With its endless ticking, forcing me to move.

I peel and peel and peel, hoping to prove my innocence
Cutting deep, straight to the bone
Leaving my flesh and insides exposed, vulnerable.
I was a human once, but you took my humanity away from me
Nothing to play with anymore, an emotionless toy for the dumps
I've given up on all hope of escape
Because I was only temporary.

Never thinking, never stopping
A chance to make or break it all
Seems like I'm failed miserably
It's no struggle to understand
How I've become the way I am now
Discard my feelings like a unwanted gift
In the end, I have so little love left to give
Please just throw me away, remove my existence
I'm sorry for the disappointment, for ever being born.

My desire to be loved-
All carved out, hollow and gone.
I wish I had stayed guilty of ignorance
And forgotten the truth of my past
No more mistakes to be made,
No more sins to atone for
At least I would no longer be alone.
I could pass away in doses, happy and content
But instead I chose to suffer in the pain,
Losing hope of being to able smile once more

I stand by myself in the grass fields
Simply drifting by, thoughtlessly
Letting the wind, and my beloved dreams die  
I'm lost in the ocean, drowning in the stormy seas
Begging for the end of everything,
Grant my wish, and set me free.

Listening to your every command
They don't understand
The sacrifices you make for the people,
They only take, and take the good will
Stealing away all of your memories, losing every ability
Well, I'm done placing bets on a foolish gamble
And asking on the endless debt of the selfish men
I'll roll all my dice, reveal my hand
Lose all the kindness I was owed
Now, bury your right hand
So you can right the wrongs, write a song
With your journal of my truth.

for your raging voice to be heard
in the midst of scurrying chatter
i scream endlessly to the winds
praying you wouldn't die alone
please, please, stay safe, my dear
don't get hurt in the crossfire

bullets rain down on the battlefield
im crying for your safe return
but when you show up at the door, all tattered and blown
im seeing your chest right through a hole
my mind starts to drown in wretched agony
all the fated fears consume me whole
and the crushing anguish seeps into my bones

a bittersweet feeling, of a selfish victory
where you win nothing in the world
and lose everything in the aftermath
your life and your love, your one and only everything
the flags are raised in surrender
happy men laugh to toast over the end
their cheers ringing in my ears, always too loud
to cover up the misery of their fallen friends.

finally, i know it's over.  
i should be happy, right?
but i still miss you tirelessly
they say time can't heal all wounds
still painted crimson red- raw, fresh and tender.

i sit by myself, at the dining table
eating my cold runny eggs,
with a cracked cup of coffee,
the weather outside a damning storm.
and the realization hits like a raging hurricane
you're not coming home, forever.

Once, you told me of your sacred dream
To one day, conquer the sky.
So I gave you my love, so you could rise high
You were the only one who stayed,
But then, one day, you ran away.

You clipped my wings
and let me believe I could fly
You made me feel like a friend  
Yet I was always wrong.  
So, why, why would you lie?  

You stole my light in me
and left me to brave the stormy seas
Drowning in the ocean, with my heart still intact,
Beating soundly, in your arms, our ship crashed.

Now fate is telling,
We weren't meant to be
I wonder how it feels like,
to learn to break free.

You stole my voice, I lost my choice
Still, I kept dreaming,  
Never thinking about beyond
I have no song, I will give no more.

Who am I living for?  
I can only keep singing-
So long, so long, so long,
Until the day I'm finally gone.

when the last of the cries fade away
finally, i will learn the real reason why
the glorious revolution died
before my very eyes.
a battalion gone in a spark
the small ****** world goes dark
leaving not a soul to be seen in the chaos.

the howling winds echo,
with tales of the men that charted for home
yet, they will never return from the battlefields
resting alone, surrounded by the cruel plains

i can hear how the guns went off, a bang!
and the next second, the telephone rang
"your husband's dead," the telephone man said
"he isn't here right now, he's lying on his deathbed."
"he won't be coming home."

then, their wives will cry alone in agony
of the tragedy they had become
to the sons who met an unfortunate end,
please bid farewell, to your freedom.

the two of us knew
it was never meant to be.
(was it only me, or maybe you too?)
but we pretended to be together,
we pretended to be free.
yet, despite everything
without you, i am nothing
for you, i am nothing
and i will always be nothing, to you.

with the silence burning the tips of my ears,
and in my arm, laid a bouquet of fresh roses
i always noticed you...
amongst the weeds in the garden, you were fluttering freely in the sky
so i whisked away all your hopes, dreams, and fears,
i clipped your wings, yet demanded for you to fly.

now, open your eyes, and see.
this basket of flowers' thorns, that robbed you of your sight  
with my promises of love fading into false proposes
i had stolen your heart in the middle of the night
but never returned it back to the sender! (i’m waiting for you... are you waiting for me too?)

little starry dreamer, don’t hide your sin
blood follows your dripping tears
telling from the pages, you are not innocent
i can see the fronts you put up, all those silly disguises
and the lies beneath those eyes.

when the riverbanks turn up dry,
and roots on the ground shrivel up and rot
will you keep asking yourself, why, why, why?
when everything you once loved finally dies
leaving you without hesitation, not a second thought
will you realize all you believed in, was just a mere filthy lie?

the rich will get richer, and the poor will simply die
but i have to eat the starving crows
stuck between the lines, of poverty and the cold
roaming, lost, at the ****** crossroads
was the path to happiness always a lie?

i always wondered, how could betrayal be so bitter?
one would never expected their friend
to be the one who dealt them the worst hand.
now, tell me, good sir, where do you draw the line,
between the truth and the lies
is it only when your child commits suicide...
or do you have something else to hide?

we can see all the misdeeds
implanted, howling in your mind
your unorthodox cravings, your every need
so don't try to hide
your true malicious nature.
how do you plead? guilty.

pray tell, don't lie
im boiling,
brimming on the surface of lucidity
voice, full of venom,
dripping with raging acidity
you should know the limits of your regret
and never, ever forget
i’m here for your self depreciation
because i’m always on your side
in the storm, no matter what
i'll be there.
but...

you have to take my hand
and let yourself sink in the misery
asking, what am i doing this for?
see the logic, the motive, the reason
behind every action, every movement
then say you understand
the consequences of war.

comedic sirens ring in the air
im putting on my best dress
prepared to act out my role in this play
do you see the master hiding in the wings?
with puppets laid out, perfect and bare
the dolls, all ready to impress
tied down to the stage, a marionette in the ring.

please call, call my name
one ask, your task, that's all i ask
for you to slice this mask in half.
i hate my reflection, this burden of being me
im screaming- run, hide, tell (someone. anyone.)
down on my knees, begging, and begging
for someone to hear my desperate pleas
hoping for an equality in my judgment,
i’m five feet under in this hell.

but one always watching, waiting for the director's cue
they know what you're pretending to be-!
no, apologies, continue to lead the way.
holding on to a string of mediocrity
i don’t know what it means to truly be free
but i won't be fooled by the hypocrisy
or the candles with their flames, suddenly burning out.
lost in miserable hysteria
freedom was never an option.

my ancestors' blood lies in memories of old
even to the bitter end, they fought
for our lives to be ours, the rice grains to stay in our ***
but the people still give it up every morning.

i know there are rules in your book
my life is cheap, but my words are not
a worthless expense, with meager value
yet my heart burns true, an iron fire
now, hear my pleas, lessen my worries.
burn these chains of ire,
please, set me free.

oh, so sweet and pretty lady
smiling and shining, every single night
it must be a pleasurable crime,
to know your lips taste
sway with the dance, my hands to your waist
and seal it all off with a final kiss.
before i leave, a short reminder.
please tell me a little white lie,
"we'll meet again, one day."  
finally- say goodbye.  
we never have enough time
to speak what's on our mind
so we recite our greetings quickly,
thinking of what one should say
to make up for the lost hours.
alas, i’m a hopeless sinner who lost it all
you're someone i think about, someone i'd miss
now, i spend my last days in bed,  
wishing you were mine.

scribbling in my red pen
if i circle out your name,
and admit that i liked you
would be still be friends?
well, i want to hold your hand
but i’m afraid of losing what i have,
things will never be the same again
so i give up another wasted chance, another missed opportunity,
another means to our end.

an explosion racks through my mind
in the dark, there comes a whisper
let me live, let me live
now it begs and screams, haunts me in the night
to let it live, to let it live
and i’m thinking of the weight you carry
the burden you have to bury
yet at the end of the day
i miss her (and so, so much more.)