if i tie a knot around my neck
and step off quickly,
will that make the process go much more smoothly
and finally cement the choice as wholly mine?
after being in the wings for so long,
can i grow a pair of my own, finally?
does this mean my life is over, the suffering lost,
and the tears spilled along the way, meaningless?
ever since i came out into the world,
and had to face my reflection, my own making,
i could see every part of my mistakes,
i was my own undoing.
there is no fixing this error, it started when i was born
so maybe the solution is to die
to end myself.

the words written above
are a struggle to express honestly
when i depart, in the middle of the night
i think of everyone, carefully and earnestly
forever, thank you, and-
goodbye.

Maybe I'm a washed up lighthouse
And you're my broken sun
I'm drifting off course
Looking for the one.

Oh.
So many voices, crumbling in the grooves of my brain
Chanting, questioning, whispering
Where did it all go wrong?
I can't help but rub the temple of my head
And feel the firm, hardness of my cranium
Reminiscing on the work put in by my parents to create this trouble, to invent this mistake
Painstakingly so, I ponder

I want to waste it all.

To ruin this effort, to rid myself of humanity
I'm thinking about dying.
I'm thinking about how-
To gain a glaring spot between my eyes
To bare a gaping hole through my insides
To slice up thin, disorderly rows and bleed out dry.

I look up to the heavens, eyeing the strands of my fate
All tied neatly with a gift ribbon
The hands above offered me a string, to tether my soul closer to God
I find myself nearer to the sky, in the form of a crass, hanging oval
Perfectly shaped, for my humble, bowed pathway
That connects my skull to the rest of my body
Please, I beg softly, to the one in the sky
Let me pass, let this purgatory end.

And then, I look down below,
To the one that got away
The **** of the earth, those who shall never be loved, never be named
And I can't help but think-
That I belong there, with them
That I must suffer for my sins, alongside them.

Dreaming was something I regret deeply.
Now, I must live out the rest of my days,
Filled with meaninglessness, forgetting about what could have been
For failing to remember my place amongst the people
And for thinking I could ever be happy.

Lacerations litter your every being,
Slits decorate the spaces between your arms,
The skin around your incisions reddened in fury,
And the mess simply peeled apart at the seams.
With self-gratification as your holy grail,
You wait anxiously, for the next moment of temporary relief.
Knowing every time, you give into your desires of hatred
That you'd slice yourself up giddily, with no thought taken to spare
For the consequences that come after, the burning red scars,
And the choice, the temptation, to suffer all over again.

We've lost all our hopes and dreams
Society has clipped our fragile wings
It has taken all of our ambitions
And left us with nothing but a decision.
To give up the world, and all that is dear
to us.
To leave us somber, in our final moments.

I find your arms wrapped around mine tightly,
Suffocating my will nauseatingly
The rest of my life, I'm burning away in your presence.
While sinking deeper into the abyss,
I am enamored with your sugary-sweet lies
Promising this time I have left to you.

As much it aches my fragile heart,
I love you.

Won't you give me a final chance?
To live with you breathing down my neck
I need to be with you forever.
With the hope that feels so far away,
And all the things that mean something-
Just forget it ever existed.