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J Nov 3
an explosion racks through my mind
in the dark, there comes a whisper
let me live, let me live
now it begs and screams, haunts me in the night
to let it live, to let it live
and i’m thinking of the weight you carry
the burden you have to bury
yet at the end of the day
i miss her (and so, so much more.)
J Nov 3
i’m still sixteen
lying in my dreams
i don't know how to move on
so, i ignore the signs
of this life crumbling before my eyes
i will stay with you, to the end of all things good
i will hold your hand through the storm
whispering i love you, and never letting go

i ask, what am i chasing for?
is it the sweet relief, that drips down from my cheeks,
maybe the bleeding tooth, an aching sore
or the fact i can't help myself but sink,
a desire to indulge in so much more
dig into the lining of my skin
show me what it's like to be human
to have a meaning in life
a purpose to abide by, a direction to follow.

embracing the catastrophe, about to befall my head
hand me a liver on a platter to consume
now that i think of the consequence,
it doesn't quite make that much sense
remove my other body in the mirror
it lies strangely, not fitting with furniture
the atmosphere is really odd in my room
im just waiting for the corpse to rot.

its too long to proclaim im innocent
im drowning in the weight of my endless sin
it feels so hard to act human
and live my days in this horrified skin
why did you have to give me a choice
just to take away my voice
can’t you take the hint?
and realize this is a battle we can't win
so give up, and surrender your identity.
J Nov 3
while the burning world needed a god,
i needed a loving mother
but all i got was a cruel joke of a fraud.
yet, for old times' sake we have to pretend,
to love each other
and beyond the the ribcage, only on the inside,
my bitter, angry heart can safely rot.

i’m always screaming- you are my own flesh and blood!
so i ignore the cuts in my skin
wipe away reds beneath those eyes
and love you once again
our relationship filled with lies.

now, do you want a hundred, a thousand apologies, for ever being born?
i can't scratch my name off in crimson ink
so hand me a pen- then i may stab it out,
this beating sensation in my chest
that keeps my existence from being free
always begging for your mercy,
condolences, i'm sorry.
J Nov 3
everyday slips by so quickly,
we're losing track of time.
struggle to run along, while chasing after the past
i can only look towards this future,
hoping for our best, and living in the present.
J Nov 3
Sending away packages of hidden words
Filled to the brim with stolen letters
Stories left untold in the handwriting of another
Forgotten, and abandoned, turning into dust of the distant past
No one remembers the legacies of before
When the tides of the ocean were called by their name,
Songs of the heart contained some message,
And my words of love had a meaning,
Not this foolishness encompassing a lie.

Listlessly listening to the echoes of others
Follow the script! Go by the book!
Don't go off-track, and ruin it all for good
Forget yourself forever, your purpose unresolved
Your presence unwanted, your reason undefined.
Bury your voice deeper, into the pit
Extinguish the flames of passion with a wisp of sorrow
Fill in the mold, force yourself to fit
Standing out, a sore thumb in the winds, is forbidden.  
With the know-it-alls, know-hows, but never a why.

A cycle repeats once again
This click and things are set into place
Round motion, it goes, chiming endlessly
The destination unknown, full speed ahead
With only but a single arrow pointing to the future,
Proper directions shunned, alongside the journey ahead
Lost at the middle, nowhere to go
Obsessive monotonous tone is how the world spins
Compulsion drives my ticking heart
Onto the setting horizon it flees
Staring through the mirror, wondering if it's truly me
My memories and love float into the stars
What shall I do now, society? Die.
J Nov 3
Longing for freedom, to drift, like the boats on the shore
The ocean calls, it wants me to stay.
With sunny days gone, now knocking on the door
Promising to keep the sea of regret at bay
So I don't forget who I made these memories for
Now, steal this feeling of sorrow away
And smile all day, living freely once more.
J Nov 3
Let me forget, my dear... Let my little tears fall.
Sun-kissed days, a radiant smile on your lips
Enamored with your beauty, suffocating through intoxicating breaths.
With my hands, hold these secrets tight to your chest
Chasing down old days of glory, alongside you.
My head burns achingly, from yearning alone
All these fits and the darkest of dreams,
The question of its purpose eludes my very judgment.

Oh, how much I loved you so
Melodies echo in my head,
Laying a cacophony of emotions in my throat,
Keeping the bitterness from spilling out
Revealing my true envious nature
Acquiesce this presence, at your heart's behest
Steadily creeping through the grounds
Tangled up in your web of lies
But, like a daydream, you stayed
Similar to the night sky, you never, ever change
In the mirage of symphonies, you loved me.

Sink down under, my sickly companion
The shambles of my mind don't align,
With those unspeakable intentions of mine
Pleading for my attention, your hunger never abates
Queasy from holding your hand, and running through the sunlight,
Always too warm for something, anything else
I've fallen in love with a deadly blossom.
Beg and scream, yet I crave is solace in my misery
Please go away, flee in the night
But when the morning comes around, I find myself waiting for you, once more
Around you, nothing is as it seems.

Fly up high, let's play a game of pretend
Look at the sights that await you
It's not unusually difficult to be alive
Cut off all the strings that hold you back,
Prune out the veins between your skin
Before long, you've surrounded my thoughts
Carry a heavy burden, on your shoulders it starts to live.
I'm dreaming for riches simply beyond a name,
With sickening human eyes full of deceit and lies
Temptation the devil, debauches friendships of innocent souls
Everything you love, in the end, inevitably dies.

Abandon all your innermost thoughts and feelings,
Forget all those things makes you sad
Because in the end, all that you really need
Is a dishonorable friend like me.
Sinking in the rubble, this oblivious nature of yours
A saccharine future awaits your weary soul
You must be happy and move on
Start sailing the merry seas and beyond
In the place of where you once were,
Remember clear blue skies, the crystal waters left in your wake
Don't look back and think of regrets
One will only drown in the thoughts of what could be.

Send me to hell, a sacrificial lamb to slaughter
Agony crept from the corners
Fabricated happiness, an delusion to keep me from being free
Spitting out the aged vitriol in short-lived sentiments  
You and I, we were not destined to be
Promising you would descend down to save me
Do you enjoy sending the guilty to their dreams?

At the young ripe age of twenty-five,
You must move on, my only reason,
Listen to the forgotten memories
Instead of losing into the recesses of life.  
Fix what's broken with false pretenses,
But if you were to depart, nothing can be mended
What's worth thinking and dying for,
Especially in the battle of love and war?
Follow through your promises, even to the end
Chalice of gold, heal all my wounds
End my tragedy, once and for all.

Abandon all your innermost thoughts and feelings,
Forget all those things makes you sad
Because in the end, all that you really need
Is a dishonorable friend like me.
Sinking in the rubble, this oblivious nature of yours
A saccharine future awaits your weary soul
You must be happy and move on
Start sailing the merry seas and beyond
In the place of where you once were,
Remember clear blue skies, the crystal waters left in your wake
Don't look back and think of regrets
One will only drown in the thoughts of what could be.

Send me to hell, a sacrificial lamb to slaughter
Agony crept from the corners
Fabricated happiness, an delusion to keep me from being free
Spitting out the aged vitriol in short-lived sentiments  
You and I, we were not destined to be
Promising you would descend down to save me
Do you enjoy sending the guilty to their dreams?

At the young ripe age of twenty-five,
You must move on, my only reason,
Listen to the forgotten memories
Instead of losing into the recesses of life.  
Fix what's broken with false pretenses,
But if you were to depart, nothing can be mended
What's worth thinking and dying for,
Especially in the battle of love and war?
Follow through your promises, even to the end
Chalice of gold, heal all my wounds
End my tragedy, once and for all.
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