Take it
all of it.
Take as much as you can
before its

Tedium, boredom.
Monotonous, but good cash.
Take this job,  shove it.

Moldy coffee and ***** socks
fight for space among graying memories of memories as the dirge
in my head plays on.

It's like a hearing test that lasts every waking moment, this ******* ringing in my ears.

It's 3am again and death is in the air,
so close to home I feel the ancient heat
of leathery wings on my tired shoulders.

So tired

This tired body of mine,
I've really put it
through the ringer.
I've gotten some good miles
out of it.
The *******,
The car wrecks,
The *******,
The fistfights,
The beatings,
The *******,
The drugs
and the *****
and all that *****.
The mosh pits
and the miles walked
and all of those crazy
dangerous risks
all in the name of fun.

I should have died so many times

I didn't though.
I'm here.
I'm alive.
I'm still giving it
right back
to the *******
and getting all
the *** I can,
while I can.

Your God wants me to be happy

So I took the drugs
and the punches.
I walked for miles
and sat on the beaches
and woke up in holding cells
and found out what it
means to truly love
and felt what it's
like to die from
the inside out.

I've been at one with every
molecule in the universe
that ever has been
and will be.
I've seen the spirits lights
while the first ones
sang and drummed as I
wept in the dark.

I've felt shame
and fear
and loss of hope;
hunger pangs
mingled with glorious
hallucinations.

Life is but a dream

Really though,
dearest,
none of that matters
when I'm alone
at 3 am.

It's 3 am again
and I am here
and you are there
and I am alone in my bed
so I can't whisper
"G'night sugar"
in your ears
or tickle you to sleep
or wake up to your legs
or your heat
or your sleepy eyes.

*Breathe deep and feel me now

Deep night, vast shadow
Swallowing eternity
Tasting the nothing

It's a rough deal man,
this life.

I didn't ask for this ****.

It's not an easy gig,
being me.
I am what I am
and lots of the time,
that's ******* awesome,
but being surrounded by
simple mother *******
who are hell bent on
bringing me down
is tiring.

I bend but never break

They grind away with
their spiteful machinations
and greedy hidden agendas,
bereft of any compassion,
lacking any real substance.
They are shells packed with
hate, stuffed with ****,
and I can barely breathe
in the presence of such
fuckery.

I do it all for the boy;
I tolerate the average,
put up with the mediocre
and the mundane.

His life will not be as hard

I promise.

Timeless and graceful
Draped in our ancient shadow
Luna bleeds for us.

Sleeping evades me
This ordeal, my ringing ears
Then becomes now. ****.

Wrap your pale skin
around my dark eyes;
I don't want to see anymore.

Crush my ribs with
your peppermint breath;
I don't need to breathe.

You love him like you should
for he is precious but
I am the one living
on your wet
fingertips.

That's just the way it is.

I sing in the night
to the centipedes and
slugs, to the bats and
the branches it is
a tired dirge,
heavy and long.

This death of ours,
this sacred end,
we hold it in our
sweaty palms
bruises
our tired backs
and our growling stomachs.

We hold it close, this
death of ours.
This final moment,
the only one of
our choosing.

The bugs and the bats,
they own the night.
All I do is listen to the worms
crawling in the ground
and try to imagine the taste
of your skin with three days
of me on you.

In violent light,
shadows are sharp, crisp and clean.
Heavy is the night.

The salt of your skin
rests uneasily on my swollen tongue
as I ******* like your life
depended on it.

How many times have I wrenched
the impossible from the ether
and left you slick and aching,
bereft of any intelligible thought
save for the feeling of having
been entirely filled and
completely consumed
in the same
endless moment?

One moment can change
your universe.
How long
does it take to lose an arm,
to come for the first time,
to surrender?

How long does it take to cut too deep?

I can become your
deity in the violent light
of our sanctuary
and you can take my
blood while I sleep
in your hair.

Heavy is the night
but your skin is cool
and all I want is to
die inside you.

The salt of your sins
my only meals as I
burn in the furnace
again.

I can't take my eyes
away from the edge
of our shadows
in this
violent light.

I can't take my eyes away.

You will not be meeting me
at the train station,
wearing nothing but a sundress and
the warm scents of
wet desire rising as
a lustful fog
from your steaming forest,
anytime soon.

The heat would **** the sun.

I will not be showing up
on your doorstep,
rigid and pulsing
with the blood of
centuries coursing through
my thick roots,
in the nearest future.

The pressure would crush the moon.

Instead,
I swim in your teacup
and warm baths
while you roam in
the smoke at the edge
of my shadow.

I feel your soft whispers
across the ocean of time
as they float on broken
spiderwebs of memory.

Our love is in the words
between the worlds;
resting in the
wet soil of
an afternoon nap,
we bloom as one.

As the fire of night
descends, destroying
the boundaries of time
and space,
we transcend all that
is cold and unforgiving,
leaving behind only
echos of wanting.

Dead of night, warm breeze
Mother Nature's sweet reprieve
Time drips like honey

Lost in the crimson smear
of your bruised lips,
wading in your milky folds
as time crawls on all fours,
I open all my eyes
and feel the you
in me.

Everything is One

My body,
blood and breath
become yours
as skins blend.

My eyes drink from
your lips and
my lips eat from
your skin and
my skin feeds from
your soul and
my soul is
shrouded in thick shadows,
bound in leathery lusts,
shackled with a will of steel
forged from the
transcending of suffering.

We are One

Each breath and subtle movement
brings me closer
to our core
as infinity
opens inside of us.

We are Forever

Lost in the grey garden of
my dying memories,
drowning in the deep nothing
as I crawl on hands and knees,
I open my throat and purge
the you from me.

Centered and exposed,
Vulnerable offering.
Strength in surrender.

The smells of our ***
linger behind my dead eyes
as your milky skin
curdles under my
poisonous breath.

*This is my love

Brushing long gray fur
Heavy boy, your purr soothes me
Dearest feline friend

Black ink on pale skin
Moonlight, my green scottish eyes
Tides sway in rhythm.

Cold, dark night. Birdsong.
Shattering silent torture.
Thank you, feathered friend.

Wet ****, rigid ****
Inappropriate haiku
I **** in your milk

Beating meat again
Five sisters do me up right
******* blues

Some *****,
loose shoes,
and a warm place
to ****.

Aching for your skin
Remembering all your smells
Dying for your touch

It's these small hours; these slow and tired ones,
thick,
heavy with memories,
that can weigh a man down.

I miss you

Time creeps by.

This moment,
this Now,
I can taste your smells.
Rose oil,
amber,
coffee and fresh sheets.

Skin

It's these small hours,
these quiet hours.

Half eaten chocolates mingle with dead leaves
as wood floors yearn for elbows
and I crave the fluids
of Paradise
dripping like sweet nectar
from
your vile and wretched

Gate to Hell.

Hard heat, swollen lips
Bound ******* blooming in the dark
Where is my sugar?

Another cold night alone
with nothing but the ringing in my ears
and the traffic on the hill
as I grind into sleep.

You are missing from me

I need your smells to welcome me home.
I want your warmth left on the couch cushion.
I have to see girl stuff infiltrate my cabinets.

Please

Bring me yoga pants left on the chair
and random hair ties in weird places
and long hairs on the pillow
and clean dishes
and **** that I would never think of cooking
and stretch marks
and skin products
and grace
and beauty
and soft lips
and smooth curves
and wet folds
and a soft touch
and mood swings
and chub rolls
and dresses, lots of dresses.

Give me your shadows weight
and your insecurities
and fears
and scars
and let me carry
your nothing.

I will help you heal

This cold night,
this tortuous loneliness,
this moment,
Now,

I need you here

Be my sugar.

Strange feelings inside.
Rotting from the inside out.
These feelings, they ****.

Whispers in thick nights,
smoke curls around her dead eyes,
rotting memories.

Dead eyes and black blood,
demons clamor for feeding.
Gorging on my gods.

...
Your name,
a stab wound in the neck.
Memories of you,
moldy coffee grounds
and soggy biscuits;
your taste, spoiled milk.

Black, oily tendrils spill from my dying lips each time I say your name in my head.

I do not say it out loud

You are she now, I must
remember.

She...her.

She was the only one
I would have
completely submitted
to, had she only asked.

Her juices, sublime.

She ruined me
for the rest of you.
Cold and dark, her love
is the shadow in my eyes.
These bloodstained years,
ashes, weightless.

I cannot love anyone now.
I gave what little I had to her,
and she killed it.

I let her

This purging of her,
will it ever end?
So many dead memories
taking up precious space.
So many lies, so many lies.
A soiled sanctuary,
dripping in poison.

My dearest and darkest love,
my only.

They were all for you,
these poems. These futile
attempts to reconcile my reality
with my guts. Even the ones that weren't for
you carried your shadow.

Her, not you.
I must remember
This one broke me
because she didn't know
how to wield
the immense power
I gave her.
She was careless.

This has to stop.
Soon.

I want to hold someone
else and not think of...her.

You

I want to make everything right.

No

I want revenge.
I want her to suffer.

These dark reflections
from my nothing
inside
are innocuous.

Pale skin, bleach and rotten milk.
Lies and lies and lies.

Her grey garden is barren
but I still have sight.
She was supposed to
pluck my eyes.
Communion, this eating of
my flesh and
drinking of my
blood
has left me
bereft of anything
worth wanting.

*I crawl through stone

The black tide of Nothing swells
deep and cold, inside.

Us

This tenuous filament we grasp and flail for,
this meager connection,
it is a smokey spiderweb,
an eyelash falling.

Gone

I am not the same person I was
when I began this sentence;
you have never existed
anywhere but in my blood.

Mine

The nothing of us,
this chasm, abysmal
and familiar.

My dearest, my darkest.

*My only

Crawl to me, darling.
Elbows and knees, hardwood floors.
Sounds of submission.

Alone with only the piles of ash as company,
I harden a little more.
Severing cords and burning bridges can be tiring and I have had my fill of useless people
so sleep is in my future.

I have never known love;
I know this now.

Hollowed out by wicked inclinations,
tempered with deviant leanings,
filled with poisonous lust
and fueled by misanthropic,
misogynistic misgivings,
I have become bereft of
all that is good.

I have given up
on ever being happy.

Here and now,
deep in nights cool arms,
I close my eyes
and see you.
I see a grey day blooming languid,
the only sound, your steady, sleeping breath.
This space between us, nothing.
This bond of ours, timeless.
My lips burn through the dying night, seeking the pale dawn of your neck.

Breathe deep and feel me now.

In the small hours,
alone with my thoughts of you,
I feel you touching me.

I feel your warm skin softly nestle
next to mine
as Nox wraps us in
her dark embrace.

Breathing as one,
we silently explore
the landscape of us.

There are no words for this learning.

Waking, pale sun burning away the smoky remnants of my dreams of you.
These memories of delightful daydreams.
I create a universe where your spine is steel and our love is a featherbed in a castle.
Our heat fills the cold stones
as greyhounds and bulldogs share the halls with young boys laughter and the smells of tea and toast.
I know you devour me while I sleep
the same way I consume you while you bathe,
soaking up every fold and freckle,
memorizing every precious contour.
Waking, your pale skin burning away
shadows of the past,
my strong hands rest on
your waiting hips.
The boys and dogs come tumbling into our morning oasis with bony little elbows and bad breath and laughter like heavens manna.
This is my now.
You are my forever.
We are eternal.

We went from black to grey,
my **** and I,
as we hailed the weak light
of a new day.
The sun is out there somewhere
hidden behind these heavy wet clouds
and you are out there somewhere
with your heavy wet eyes.

Surrounded by a mess of memories,
the shadows pile up
as I cling to visions
of roaming through
ancient castles with
my silver haired goddess.

You

These blankets need your smells,
your fluids
and
your dead skin.

*I'll never let you go

Waking to you in the crook of my arm;
the smell of us lingers in the crime scene
of our room.

This must be the place

Wigs and corsets,
empty bottles and riding crops.
Sugar and sweat,
cologne and *******.

Good morning sugar

Eyes flutter and lips part
as juices flow and bloods boil.
This wet and wordless union
knows no boundaries.

*We are one, now

Six hours behind.
Your dawn, my future, pale light.
Milk, honey, rough ***.

Tasting shadow and ash,
I crumble again.
The futility of it all is crushing.
The weight of centuries
grinds my bones to dust
as you stare out your window
at a thick dead sky.

*Why aren't you here?

Late, thick with desire
Your voice, skin, smells, all absent.
Crawling in my mind.

It is only at night I truly feel alive.
When shadows are thick
and the true movers
and shakers start
their business of
cleaning up our mess.

How heavy is your shadow?

I walk alone through most
of the *******.
Every now and then someone
tags along and it's always a blast
but then they go away
or I go away
and always I end
up with me.

I loved them
and
they killed me

I dream now of crossing
time and space with
a silver haired
beauty with big
Indian eyes and
a brand new spine.

We hold each other
close and new galaxies
are born with each
touch of our tongues.

We are Now

You are wet
and
I am hard
and
one day
our shadows will touch
and
then we will know
why we were
waiting.

*Breathe, darling

Dusk, bugs herald Night.
Here, you are missing from me.
Now, your taste is gone.

Blue shadows, full moon.
Thick with need, the night consumes.
Nocturnal bloodlust

Bent over cold granite, my left hand gripping your hair while simultaneously holding your neck down; my right hand hovers above your quivering, beautiful ***.

This is our forever

SMACK!

That was harder than you thought it would be,
your gasp and shrill "Oh"
makes me rise and swell.

37 huh?

Earlier, you had no idea why I asked you to pick a number between five and one hundred. Now, you feel the significance of your answer in your burning cheeks.


SMACK!!
SMACK SMACK SMACK

My arm becomes a windmill
of pain as I count off the numbers in my head.
Your gasps have turned to sobbing,
your honey is dripping
and my **** is granite.

*Welcome to subspace

Have you ever existed
anywhere but in the *****
whirl of my mind?

Are you alive?

Your brain has yet to
process the stimuli I have
in store for your
pale and
willing flesh.

Embrace your dark nothing

This time we have,
this Now;
We are destroying
boundaries and expanding
horizons.
We cross oceans of time
with ink and paper
blood and pain.

We expose our wounds
hoping for
some kind soul
to lick us clean.

We are all one

These hands of mine
on your soft cheek,
I can not die
until I feel you.

Skin and bone, bricks, fists.
Ignorance begets violence.
Afternoon beatings.

I was raised by bruises and beatings
so you can go cry on someone else's
shoulders, victim. Better yet, come here
and gimme whats mine, *****.

Offended? Don't be.
It's life.
Sweet, sensuous, violent life.
If you are one of those
that think people are inherently
good,
think again.
Watch people under pressure.

An electric blue hand
reaches out to him
from across an ocean
of thick water as Luna
undresses for all to see.

He doesn't hesitate
to embrace this stranger
from a strange land.

This dark and violent ocean
between their mouths,
with it's terrible secrets and
crushing indifference,
is no match for the
smell of her ink
on her paper
in his hands.