Every night I return to a cold room where the past haunts me deeply from within.
My blood escaping my body reminding me of the pain I caused myself daily.
My scars, reminding me of that blade slashing through my skin.
I'm sorry once again for the pain I have caused my beautiful skin on the surface.
Just to release the pain within, held captive by my broken heart trying to control my weakened mind from ending it all.

As I lay in this cold dark room, I realize…
that I have nobody else but you, And even then, I don't really know you.
After the countless hours i’ve put into you, the countless emotions and screams i’ve shared with you, How are you to tell me that i know you?
When i’m more lost than ever before, not once have i ever been near to knowing you.
Whats funny, is i see you, the sun shines and there you are. The water becomes clear and i see you.
But i swear what i see is a picture; a picture in my mind with nothing else but my own input.

I remember, we shared that room together, our wrists bleeding and yet you stood by me. You didn't speak but i knew you were there, you were there telling me to continue, you told me my life isn't finished and yet here I am, wishing it was different. Wishing our life wasn't this ****** up.

How do you stay so optimistic? I see you smiling, and I wish i could be just like you.
But truth is… that’s impossible, I lay in this room floating away every night to a distant place.
And yet you follow me. Like a lost puppy, But who am i to speak? when i don't even understand me.
I keep my head up to show that I’m alright, Dying inside. Rotting away day by day just like my cold, distant heart.
I hurt and hurt, and yet you somehow don't feel. Is it because you’re not who i thought you were?
Or is it because i'm more lost than i thought i was?
is it because my time here isn't over or is it because you’re forced to. So many questions and I won't get any answers… Not until…

I apologize, I scarred my skin to have the past washed away by the blood within.
I felt at peace as the blood created a river from my wound to the floor.
I smiled at the sky with the feeling of relief spreading through my body.
I simply laid back and lived in the moment of tranquility.
That blade would hit the floor as my body became numb to my senses, with the pain escaping my body, and my soul finally free from the scarcity of happiness on this forsaken world.
I loved with my heart and held on with my mind, the first to go was my body then my soul.
Why did I let your tricks destroy me like the wind slashes through the clouds.
Without knowing that I was addicted to you I let go, for the sake of my mind and heart.
But when I finally made it capable of walking away I was thrown to the ground, like a toddler being pushed by the wind in a parking lot. I felt weak unable to move without you in my life.

I smiled and laughed I cried and died, I never understood your pain till I connected it with mine.
Your heart, beautiful. your mind, pure.
An Addiction That I never could get away from me.
I loved you and yet you never understood whether You were mine or not.
I never will be able to fix your broken heart.
Your soul to be revived.
My laugh to be drowned out
My words to be vague because of the past.

I laugh and laugh just to make the tears go to the back of my mind.
Aching my beautiful heart, but I never understood that It would **** me within.
I laughed and laughed just to go to a dark room and cry, but never once did I see the truth in your smile and the pain you endured watching me fade away into a lonely path, Knowing I’d never come back.