You know
It’s weird
I dreamt of you last night
Nothing fancy
Just a casual dream
Then we kissed
I want to
But I know I can’t
But the dream felt so real
I could even feel how soft your lips were pressed against mine
I just want to experience that
Then again,
Even I know that’s a lie
It’s always a lie with you
Just a smile
Just a hug
Just a lie...

I hate all the pain you get
But it seems you were just a bet
So her friends lie and push you away
Knowing full well that she is not the way
I am sorry
That she has caused you all this worry
So I stick around and make sure your better
Knowing full well, that you still think of her
I know you say it’s okay
That you’ll make it to the next day
But I know it’s a lie
And you don’t want to say goodbye
You say people ****
But did you really look
My opinion of an outcome may seem blue
But I’ve always seen it come true
So believe me when I say “Don’t go see her”
She doesn’t get any better
Everyone’s guilty
The trick is to find of what

I like to say I’m a trustworthy person
But I myself know that’s a lie
I’ve used people
I’ve lied to people
I’ve hurt people
I don’t want to be that way anymore..
It just seems to creep back into my life
I never know if I’m using someone
Or if I’m trying to establish something
I used to say I’m a confident person
But I don’t feel that way
I can’t seem to come to turns with what I feel
Because I know that it won’t lead anywhere
But she has me writing
So it’s gotten me somewhere..
Now I just drink the pain away
Because my mind goes to the worst
Saying she’s doing things I wish she wouldn’t
It hurts
I start breaking down from the thought
So I use the alocohol to build the lies
I’ve constantly wanted to confess
But it leads me to a dead end anyway
So why not stand just stand at the fork in the road
My left being confessing
My right being giving up
I don’t want to give up
But I don’t want to confess
Don’t trust me...
I want you to stay safe
But I think you should stay safe from me...

I constantly try to find a way to move on
I even found someone better than you
She genuinely cares about people
She tries her hardest in everything she does
And she doesn’t try to make an excuse
She owns up to her mistakes
She’s sweet and loving and makes me feel whole
Well
Not quite like you did
I always find myself smiling at her just because she reminds me of you
When she gets jumbled with her math like you
When she starts cooking like you
When she makes weird faces like you
When she dances around like you
She makes me smile
Because she reminds me of you
I miss feeling..
I miss you..

I am broken
But not hurting
I am sad
But not crying
I cry out and am silenced by the deafening wave of people who just tell me to man up
And stop complaining
Because even though I crave comfort
It never reaches me
For I crave death
That’s why I carry on lethargically just waiting for the days to pass me by until I am no longer to breathe
I am numb
I no longer feel the pain but I embrace the sensation of no longer having a heart
But instead
A bottomless pit full of emptiness that I recognize as the void
Just a discarded memory thrown away because I was not right for her but she was right for me
I scream out in pain but the only ones that hear my anguish are the demons hiding inside me
I’m dying Kas
And you’re what’s killing me

Me, I’m just hopeless
Everything’s just meaningless
I want to feel less..