I’ve never been one for love.

Sure, I’ve been in love,
But I've had more pain than joy.
Willing to walk through a fire,
Just to get some stupid boy.

Until,
He came around.
He brings me peace, love, joy, and laughter,
He makes me believe in a happily ever after.
He gave me hope, faith, and trust.
Hope in love, faith in us, and trust in the world.

Here’s why.
I told him I wanted him.
And everything that makes him, him.
The good. The bad. The ugly.
The memories; sad, loving, embarrassing, funny.

Because I do want him.
And he wants me.
He made me remember,
That love can be good to me.

You hurt me.

You’ve placed blame on me,
You’ve beaten me down,
Throwing rocks of anger and disappointment,
Not realizing that
Every.
Single.
Time, that you throw a rock,
You’re chipping away.
You say you want to talk,
But you have to get your way.
Because if you don’t,

You throw a rock.
And another.
And another.
Until there is what feels like nothing left,
So then you can convince me to repay my debt,
Of life.
Of breath.
Of my existence.
So, I picked up a rock.

And you shattered.
Suddenly, you were the victim.
I was “disrespectful,”
I was “out of line,”
But it was nothing knew,
Because you said that all the time.

You threw rocks when you were the one in the glass house,
And when that got repaid,
You came undone,
And I will not take that blame.

I’m not just in love with him.
I’m in love with his eyes,
Those beautiful blue oceans I could drown in,
His eyes are a gift, not won like prize,
Pure and loving, incapable of lies,
But it’s more than that.

I’m in love with his voice.
The way my name flows off his lips,
The way it calms me,
The way it drowns out the noise,
That rages in my mind, which feels like a void,
But my mind is the storm, and he is my calm.

But it’s not just him. It’s the things about him.
It’s his taste in music,
It’s his sense of humor,
It’s the fact he looks at me and ignore the emotional bruises, scars, and tears I’ve shed.
It’s how he treats like I’ve never been hurt before. It’s his gentle nature and calming tone,
And he truly makes me feel like he is my home.
So yes, I’m in love with him.
I’m in love with everything that makes him who he is,
And I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again,
I’m in love with what makes him, him.

They say forgiveness is easy.

Have you tried it?
Have you tried swallowing a pill without water?
Have you been in a fire, wondering if the flames can get any hotter?

Or did you just say that because that’s what’s easy?
Forgiveness is the hardest thing to come by,
And sadly it’s not always worth giving it a try.

I don’t know what to say about how I feel for you anymore.

I wrestle with my mind about your memory,
I thought you loved, cared for, and cherished me,
The same way I loved you. Cared for you. Cherished you.
But no.
I guess my first mistake was after I.
Because I thought these things,
You made me think these things,
But it was never proven true.
You didn’t show it,
I loved you and you know it.
I was hurting, yet you were too high to notice.
I was telling you how I felt but you chose not to listen,
You said you loved me but really you loved the attention.
And yet
I still think about you.
Worry about you.
Care about you.
You’ve given me a million reasons not to,
But again,
My first mistake is after I.
I still think, still worry, still care,
And after everything, my feelings are up in the air.
And that’s where they’ve stayed.

We were fine
Then we weren’t
As if at the flick of a switch
Our relationship lay under the dirt
From whence it came
To where it stays
Tell me love
Is this the price of love I have to pay?

I thought what we had was stable
Love is fragile
But our bond was strong
I thought so anyway
But it was fragile
Words hurt the surface but actions cause damage
But this time
Words hurt the surface
Words caused the damage
And now we’re in pieces
Like a jigsaw puzzle
Where the pieces don’t match
But I’d do anything to make them last..