Night after night

Day after day

I don't know what has happened

We've suddenly nothing to say.

Well, that isn't quite true

From my side of things,

I just get caught up in the silence

That your silence brings.

We used to talk,

We used to laugh,

Our own private jokes

Left other's thinking us daft!

We used to touch,

We don't anymore

I don't know if you've noticed

Many things are not as before.

I feel more like a roommate,

An acquaintance or friend,

Not the person you vowed

To cherish until life's end.

We're in the same room

We share the same bed,

But I know longer sleep

Your chest beneath my head.

I go to bed most nights

Sad and alone,

Quietly crying tears

That to you are unknown.

While you work on some project

I'm alone in our room

Waiting for it to end.

If you don't want to be here

Then you need to go.

If you don't love me

You need to say so.

It's getting to the point

Whether you go or stay

Will not really matter,

I am alone anyway

My inner demons are dark and vast,
Some live in the present, some in the past.
You can only hide them for so long,
But they always peak their head,
From the trapped doors in my memories,
Through the closed doors in my mind,
Between the cracks in my broken heart,
Hiding in the dark alley's of my soul.
Sooner or later these demons will gain control,
Whenever, they see weakness from within your soul.
These demons will test you at every turn,
Wishing you to welcome them, Damning you to burn.
Don't say anything and just look away,
Block out their voices, only then,
Can you start to make the right choices.

She stood on the bridge
In silence and fear
For the demons of darkness
Had driven her here

They cut her heart
Right out of her chest
Making her believe
That the demons knew best

They were always there
Sometimes just out of sight
Waiting in the background
Till the time was right

These demons were destructive
Knocking down the life she knew
Hating everything about her
She hated herself too

These demons can't be seen
But they're far from fairy tales
They live inside your mind
Their evilness prevails

So on the bridge she stood
About to end the fight
Then she stopped and thought
I'll fight them one more night.

Days of endless struggle.
More hopelessness today,
Trying to appear "normal"
In some sort of way.

It seems that the struggle
Is always here with me,
And I wouldn't be here now
If guilt would leave me be.

I know there's been many
Who've had it worse than I,
But that doesn't always mean
That I wouldn't say good-bye.

People say I have a lot going for me.
I'm sorry, but I just can't see.
I can't see because my worst enemy
Is not my life but inside of me.

Always on a roller coaster,
Not much consistency.
I'm nothing if I'm not up or down.
I'm nothing if just "me."

Very little energy,
Wanting to stay far away,
Wishing to be enthusiastic
Instead of feeling like I'm made of lead.

Wanting to be excited,
Wanting to care for more,
But when nothing makes sense,
It's hard to focus on the poor.

Cluttered mind, cluttered thinking.
It's hard to keep in touch
With what is happening around me
And not to worry too much.

I feel that everybody is better than me
And that I can't do anything right.
This is how I've felt my whole dang life;
It didn't just start last night.

No confidence, no self-esteem.
Everybody else is right.
To speak my mind is to be a fool,
So I just try to "sit tight."

Any one of these problems
Would be a heavy vice,
But when you have them ALL
Living seems like a roll of the dice.

You have given me hope for a better tomorrow
like an angel guiding me out of my sorrow.

My fears I want to let go
but can my past I forgo?

I ask you this as you have my heart
will you always be there so we may never part?

I don't have much to give
but I will give you my everyday to live.

I love life and what it has to give
because through the depths of sorrow I have learned to live.

Dad,

You are the best I can ever find, I am so fortunate to have a father like you. You knew when you had to extend your support, yet you even knew also when do lean back and let me learn to hold my own fort. You are on my mind from the time I wake to when I fall asleep. You gave me your courage you gave me your strength. An were ready to go for any length. No gift can be bigger than what you have even gave in me. See my dad has the strength of a mountain. Yet has the purity of a water fountain. My dad has the wit of a clown. His jokes pulls me up whenever I'm down. His voice is sounds like the string of a guitar. My dad is celebrating his Birthday today. An I love him much more than I can ever say.

Happy birthday to my dearest dad

You give to me hope
And help me to cope
When life pulls me down
You bring me around
You teach me to care
And help me to share
You make me honest
With kindness the best
From you I learned love
With grace from above
It’s for you I live
And I want to give
You are the reason
That fills each season
When I hear love I think of you
You are my world and best friend too
I love you because you are so kind, thoughtful and caring
I love you because you are so pleasant, lovely and sharing
You made me the woman I am

Happiness is no longer the illusion,
My life is my new disease.

No longer waiting to see what happens,
No more waiting on fate.
I will decide where it all ends,
I will show you all my hate.

You claim to be full of anger,
You spread nothing but lies.
Your time in my mind is in danger,
For you are whom I truly despise.

The look in your eyes is hard to handle,
It's almost something to be feared.
Is this true or just another scandal?
Where is your face--just mine I see mirror

I am broken,
But nobody picks up the pieces.
I'm falling,
But nobody catches me.
I'm in the dark,
But nobody brings me a light.
I'm alone,
But nobody is there to change that.
I need to be saved,
But nobody is there to save me.
Will you be the one to change that?
Will you save me from myself?
Bring me a light in the dark?
Catch me when I'm falling?
Pick up the pieces of me that everybody has left behind?
Prove to me that I'm not alone?
Will you save me?

Daddy, you will never show me
how to catch or throw a ball
Or tie my laces really tight

You'll never teach me ABC's
Or read to me, and tuck me in
You'll never kiss and make me laugh
With tickles from your spiky chin

You'll never watch me graduate
For my cap and gown I'll never see
And you'll never hold my babies
Like you never got to cuddle me...

You would have been the bestest Daddy
But I had gone before you knew
So instead of watching me, my Daddy
I'll be watching over you...

Sitting alone in my room,
everything seems dark and gray.
The more I sit and think,
the more useless I feel,
the more hopeless life seems.
I cry...
until I think of you.
Your smile radiates warmth,
like the sun on a summer day.
You're my life, my everything.
And things look clearer because
I know I have your love...
unconditionally.

My body is still birthing,
But nothing is to show.
The little life that was to be
Left my body days ago.

My body is still bleeding
Like a casualty took place,
And I mourn the ever-lingering loss
As I imagine a what-if face.

My body is still weeping
Even if no tears are cried.
Despite the plastered grit and grin,
My pain feels impossible to hide.

My body is still broken,
At least that's what I perceive.
What should have been your safest place,
Instead leaves me to grieve.

My body is still aching,
Shuddering, and unkind,
Leaving in place of your still life-
A heartbreak for the rest of mine.

You’re a maker of revenge.
You justify your actions as self-defence.
When in fact I see through the lies,
Causing repent carnage at night I chase away the cries.
Your painful and sick inflicting abuse,
A devil worshiper at heart who will damage and use

Snakes among pentagrams sprawled on your flesh,
A lover of hate……
You seek out the darkness and hide within it's depths
You tried to creep within the light but felt trapped within its clutch,
A body without a soul. A Lonesome gargoyle that seems a beast.
Stalking me as prey, hunting humans for sadistic play.
Gruesome behaviour... beyond what humans could portray
Your ill thoughts you throw on display.
Face book, my space you log in and convey.

Your the dragon I must slay, Locked out of the kingdom of God,
Choosing to betray, An empty angel you refused to obey.
A slave to the devil I cast thee away.
A heart decaying, Flesh rotting away,
you are a dangerous reminder of my constant dismay.

Horrible tactics, you use guilt as bait.
Dead eyes forming into an emotionless craze.
Anticipation gridlocks you in a hazy ambiance of grey,
Showing public displays of selfish praise.
Disturbing momentary relapses you shift from my gaze.
A glazed expression appears on your archaic face.

Your not immortal the Devil always comes to collect,
Reflecting an empty soul full of spiritual debt,
Only now you detect a threat of physical malaise.
When you accept your fate of death, you must sign your decree.
Ask for no forgiveness I shall give none to thee
Never shall you see what is beyond the darkening sky,
A pitiful demon cloaked in disguise.
****** to limbo and destined to die,
Shrouded within Catholic mortal lies.
You will not conquer my soul;
I am a china doll left broken yet consistently remains whole.

Smothered by imperfections a gift none the same,
I'm a judger of character you call me by name,
My heart is constrained by the lack of contempt,
You represent Horror, Fear and Torment.
My body seems lost but tears still remain,
My body was suppose to give life,
But you taken that life away.
I'll always have you to blame.

You caused me pain but demons cannot feel,
I am lost in my youth unable to heal.
Can't you see that I am real?
I Bleed just as a human should.
Beyond my façade, I am misunderstood; beyond you is a desire to ****...
No reasoning could stop your thoughts,
only content will burn as it eats at my heart
And savage fear contorts my soul
As you seek to harm this ravaged girl.

Today

Today has been hard, been feeling really low, had no one I can talk to, had nowhere I could go

So I sit myself down, take out my pen, open my book and write a poem again

I write down these thoughts and feelings of mine, as I find it easier to express them through rhyme

You see this book its like my journal, it helps fill an empty space and somehow as I'm writing, the words fall into place

In a way it's a comfort as I can read them Back and see, how tough the days can sometimes get For me

I can also see the changes I need to make, where things started to go wrong, where I'm making my mistakes

So I'll keep writing these poems for as long as I feel the need, until the sadness goes away and the happy me is Freed!