I stand by the blue water and look as far as I can
Water isn't what I see as I fade out of reality
I slip back to the night when he took you to dinner
You ordered coffee he ordered whiskey
But you hated the smell of whiskey
And he loved the look in your eyes

Your phone started to buzz
The same buzz as my father sipping on his jack on the rocks
You got a call saying your car was hit
You ran outside
You ran to your death

I wrote "mistrust" on the bullet before I shot you I will never forget the look in your eyes that my father loved
I looked into them as the blood ran from your mouth onto my shoes
You told my father you loved him but it wasn't true

So as I stand here with the water brushing my toes
And the wind giving me a chill
I look out into the sea and realize it is the same color as your eyes
And you were not my friend nor my mother
And everything you said was lies

I loved you
But you were an alcoholic
And I was just another bottle of
Whiskey.

I hate you
You made me love you
You made me let you crawl deep inside my body
Unable to escape
Just when I think you're almost out
I find you in my throat unable to speak
That's the thing about us
I need you so I can breathe
Our love is suffocating
Killing us slowly

I can still feel the taste of your nicotine kiss lingering on my lips after you've left my house
I hate it
The way you show up at my door step at 3 in the morning reeking of ***** after drinking for no **** reason
I hate it
How you drive too fast and scare me half to death
I hate it

In these moments I question everything by drowning myself in my doubts
Just as I want to give up I remember

The way you wrap your arms around me infront of your family
I love it
How you're always there for me when I'm depressed and don't want to leave my room
I love it
When we're in your truck and you sing at the top of your lungs just to make me laugh
I love it
The truth is I love you

except you know all my weaknesses


And I hate it