Can’t help the way I feel right now.
Can’t pull out a chair for these emotions
or offer a jacket,
can’t catch it if it falls
can’t build walls to protect,
or stop bricks from shattering glass.
I’ve broken all forms of decorum.
Find myself tumbling at the thought,
find myself growing hot, and flustered,
words heavy, avalanches, boulders,
falling, smoldering, ashes,
if I were a cigarette I’d be the ****,
but I can’t seem to do anything about it.
I lack the decorum and the mindset to play this game.
Find myself anticipating the pain
and throwing the match,
lock in, and close the hatch,
over everything.
I think I like you.
Like, like you, like you.
And I find the thought troubles you,
and though I’m glad to stir the second thought
I’d rather not be the one that’s got you
caught, in a confused state,
knots in your stomach, gut pulling
down and flowing into some
intangible sea, oh wait, that was me,
feeling, peeling back layers of truth
that we, of course, didn’t want to do,
seems like reason’s going to lose,
do I have to choose sides?
How about I leave these feelings here,
inside, where they can just hide from view,
and I can just go back to that cruise,
just hold on and don’t lose control,
I’ve dropped pieces of me on the floor,
from the moment you walked through that door
I can’t seem to remember what I came here for
anyway…I hope they’ll lead a trail back.
Just pick up the pieces I let fall slack
and put them back in one place
and wipe this silly smile off my face
lace them with ‘you-shoulda-knowns”
and thoughts more akin to the older woes,
I’m balancing on the tips of my toes
and I can’t let go now.
I’m just gonna bow out and leave,
and roll heart back in off sleeve.