We are the things that get swept under
rugs. A ***** mass that the world strives to keep
hidden. Flecks of skin and strands of hair. Toe nails. Trapped
in the carpet with the bodies of the bugs
of which we have been bitten.

Gaze not upon our swollen parts;
inflamed. Your eyes will entice us to spread
rashes. The forbidden always in our thoughts
like stubborn mattress stains.

We are the things that live in closed
closets. Tearing at the threads meant to keep you
sheathed. Disembodied torsos on wiry hooks. Scarves. Chewing
holes through the garments with worn-out teeth.

Chills will let you know we're near
as you toss and turn in bed. We are the shadows that
watch you while you sleep. Our goal is to fill you with fear.
Your soul is ours to reap.

I've got the drinks, and I've got the will
I've got the time
And expired pills

I'll use them all
To get what I want
Wait, that's not right
I mean to deal with not getting what they want

A selfish brat, maybe
Tantrums like crazy
Pouting over nothing
Poor little baby

I'm good at self-loathing
I don't need your help
I've got plenty of sedatives;
One-way tickets to hell

It's where all my friends live
I'll fit right in
We perspire and make toasts to the worst of our sins

And laugh at the people
Who spent lives longing for choirs
Up there in white-walled mansions
Built of unfulfilled desires

She sits in the crevice of her untouchable throne
A bathtub of fizz
The place she goes to be alone
As the bubbles coat her flesh, and pop on her throat
With a sensation of which I will never know

But oh how I long to be the one who sees her there
It's my one true wish
As she twists her fingers through her luxurious hair
And blows foam with a jet stream of air through her lips

I want nothing more than to be a fly on the wall
Of the room that surrounds her most intimate moments
If only I could hear her sing a beautiful song
When she thinks there's nobody around to take notice

I'll treasure it all
And bury it deep inside me
A sentimental chest of unobtainable gold
The toll one pays for a life of tragedy
The price one incurs from being alone

People, you know, are like never-ending rainbows.
Nauseating colors and no pots of gold.

People, it seems, are like toxic streams.
Flowing endlessly with waters that you can't drink.

Like piles of so many strands of straw,
hiding golden pins underneath.
If I could find one I'd ***** my fingers and bleed
all over these troublesome docile stacks.
Light it on fire and turn them to ash.

People are like so many cigarettes in a pack -
always craving another even as your insides turn black.

And people, I swear,
they act like they care,
but when push comes to shove they all cower in fear.

So people, beware!
For I am not scared.
My strength comes from inside.
I'm self-aware!

And people (me too) know not what we do.
Spend our whole lives pursuing beliefs so untrue.

That's okay, people.
I forgive you.
And through your existential struggles,
I find you beautiful.

Here's the thing about a mollusk
Sometimes from a distance you can think you've glimpsed a pearl inside
So you get closer to investigate but the thing clenches tight
It's a defense mechanism; you know this
So you fight, and struggle to get the **** thing open
Your fingers bleed
Your muscles ache
You begin to believe that it will never break
Really going through something
But right when you're about to give up, it loosens
And you gaze inside to find
Nothing
What you thought was a pearl was just a trick of the light
I've had it with this girl
It's over alright

Sometimes when a person is talking to me
And what they're saying is particularly uninteresting
They might get the feeling that I'm not listening
And it's true
Because, mentally, I'm replacing the words they say with a repetition of the phrase:
Validate me!
Validate me!
Would you date me?
******* me?
Won't you please?
Will you maybe?
And I stare back at them, stone-faced, while thinking:
No

Hey now, that was fun
It's been awhile since I could remember how it was done
In a long time, tonight has been the first
Good time that I've had where no one gets hurt

And I smiled wide
And talked too much
With so much to hide,
I'm not sure what's worse

But the smiles were genuine
The conversation was open
No judgements or complaints
Nobody on drugs, crying, or moping

And it's not hard to take
Quite easy to swallow
Let's do this again sometime
What are you doing tomorrow?

"Well hey there! How was your New Year's?"
Well, I sang a song and made a toast
To the fire in our hearts
I apologized to the host
For drinking and driving the last time I'd left
When I'm drunk I like to think that I know better than the best

I lit off fireworks with a pretty girl
We listened to James Brown while gunpowder spiders lit up the world
We took alot of shots
And sat by the fire
We talked of this, that, and the other

Later on I found my friend with his head in his hands
Crouched up against his car; crying over the dead
Lamenting that they couldn't be here for this event
And I cried a little too, because that kind of thing messes with my head

My childhood friend was also there
He had driven in from out-of-town
He was tripping on acid, and had me pinned to the ground
In an insane attempt to give me some sort of comfort
I finally got him off me with an effective headbutt

Then I ran down the street
While yelling, "I HATE EVERYTHING!"
Then slowed down to a walk after I'd gotten far enough
Smoked a cigarette and contemplated the true nature of love

So when you ask me that seemingly innocuous question
"Hey, how was your New Years? Did anything happen?"
All I can say is,
"Well, ha! It was definitely something!"

I clearly saw your drinking problem laid out next to mine
'Tis the season
No big deal
It's fun, it's harmless, it's fine

But some part of it still makes me sad
There's something I still miss
When you told me how your mother was crying
And said, "I hate seeing you like this."

You really did have a one-tracked mind
To just keep drinking more
Who the hell am I to judge
We've all been there before

I was just so tired and sad
And maybe slightly bored
Sometimes the habits that we have
Turn into such **** chores

We both know that we're better than this
Let's will it to be true
We'll leave this place together, man
And start our lives anew

Hey girl, don't get me wrong
I just think that we could be friends
It'd be nice to have a confidant again
Instead of telling strangers all of my sins
I'm ready for a new life
Just waiting to begin

I know you may find me a bit intense
Or maybe you think that I make no sense
And I'm not sure what I like about you
Your humor
Your wit
Your innocence?

Be that what it may
And me being what I am
I still want to be your friend
Do you think we can?

"If you're the least bit sensitive, this world will eat you alive."
Is it any wonder then that so many of us want to die?
But I gave up a long time ago on suicide
Such an ignoble way to say goodbye

So if I must go, I want to be beaten by some ******* while defending a woman's honor
Shot by an oppressive father for attempting to liberate his daughter
Gunned down by the government for standing up for the rights of another
I guess you could say,
I have dreams of becoming a martyr

"Only the good die young"
Only through self-sacrifice can you become
Deeply ingrained in humanities' collective brain
I want to make a difference
Before I grow old and insane

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
Lincoln
JFK
Jesus Christ
Gandhi
Joan of Arc
Tecumseh
And then there's Socrates

Somebody help me, help me please
I want so badly to die for the sake of a belief
But it's all so ****** up now
Twisted and torn
Sometimes I wish that I was never born

And there have been others who felt the same way
Vincent Van Gogh
Rothko
And Hemingway

I know it's not fair of me to say
They all lead lives wrought with such pain

Like Bradley Nowell
And Kurt Cobain
Some saw it coming
Like Mark Twain

Freedom really is a double-edged sword
After Jack Parsons blew up he left us his words
His mom OD'd shortly after having heard
Greatness can only last so long in this world

And what of Albert Camus?
Was it really unplanned?
And that poor old Nietzsche
Came so unglued at the end

And fate is really something
How can we comprehend
Some lives are surely doomed
From the moment they begin

My love for you is quite substantial
Just enough to get us by
When I'm with you, I never panic
My stomach knows no butterflies

My feelings for you are adequate
I kiss you like I do my mother
Politely, cordially, out of duty
Plainly and unpassionate

There are no ups and downs
No disbelief at what I've found
Our love is completely logical
Solid, steady, and sound

My love is understandable
Laid out, and well defined
My love is clearly tangible
No need for even trying

My want for you is sustainable
And well under control
My desire is easily satiable
Like a dead tree that no longer grows

I'll love you this way until I die
Or until the day you leave
And on that day, I will not cry
Nor shall I ever grieve

Because this kind of love is lacking passion
And without true belief
It's the kind of love you're better off without
It will never satisfy your needs

Here it is; my body of work
Lately I've been showing off the other kind
Not that I'm complaining though
It has been such a long time

So what is going on inside my head?
Feeling fear, and doubt, and nervous
Pretty soon I'll start confusing you
Accidentally on purpose

With all this space around me
How can I feel like I need more?
"You should know that I'm nothing but a lousy,
Selfish, drunken man-*****."

These and other ways to leave your lover
Before the loving even starts
Paul Simon never wrote this tune
I've got that **** on lock

Burning bridges while they're being built
Such an unsubtle self-saboteur
Way to go there hot shot
What the hell did you do that for

Lost in dreams and fantasy
I love it when real life becomes a reflection of me
To see myself in so many ways
I love the beginnings of permanent change

Like getting to the best part at the end of a chapter
The present keeps me from worrying what may come after
And it may be great, and amazing, and fine
Or it could be lame, and a complete waste of time

But I'll deal with this thing, and the rest as they come up
I feel stoic, heroic, ready, and tough
Bring on the challenge
I'll show you what I'm made of

It's times like these that I feel alive
Maybe it's because I've never been afraid to die
It's hello's that I struggle with
But I've never had trouble saying goodbye

It all reminds me of this one time
Where my whole family went along for a ride
And my dad ran a red light
And we all almost died

My mom had a mock heart-attack
And my sister, she cried
My brother got angry
And my father was silent

And I just laughed and laughed
Hysterically so
Because to die you first have to be alive
And it felt so good to know

I was probably twelve years old
But I can still recall the effect
It seems all of the times I remember most clearly
Are the times I came closest to death

But now I remember feeling so stuck in life
And letting emptiness take control
Going to work was an hour long drive
I spent it wishing for the credits to roll

Directed by the world
The setting was hell
Special thanks to my mother
Guest starring myself

I'd like to thank the academy
And the rest of the cast
"I look forward to the future"
And to leaving the past

I saw it all
Superimposed over the rest
A slow pan out from my car
As I drove into sunset

But it didn't end there
And it's not over yet
I'm still alive and kicking
Don't you forget

I've seen introverts become the center of attention
I've seen extroverts go ignored
I've heard complacent well-adjusted human beings
Cry out for something more
And there's a million and one things to do with life
So don't you dare be bored

Because there are three types of people in this world:
Those who do
Those who don't
And those who didn't, but wish they had

At times it's wrong to do what's good
Sometimes you've got to be bad
So don't you go on second guessing
Lest you end up with regret
Follow your instincts
Don't look back

'Cause there are three kinds of people on this earth:
Those in the future
Those in the past
And those in the present, so make it last

At times it happens all so fast
You forget to examine the extent of the impact
But don't you worry about forgotten things
They'll find their way back to you in your dreams

And there are those who will tell you that it's false
They'll comfort you with broken arms
To drag you down to into the swamp
Trying to stop you before you even start

Now there are three sects of people on this planet:
The leeches
The dreamers
And then the true believers

Examine your head to find the truth
Don't worry about what you can or cannot prove
Nothing matters nearly as much
As the way it all matters to you

You see, there's no right or wrong way to live a life
It all depends on how it makes you feel
The miraculous fact that you exist at all
Gives you the right to determine what is real

And there are but three animals in this pen:
The sheep
The wolf
And the Golden hen

Okay, wait
So there is real life
And then there's fantasy
And somewhere in the middle
There's synecdoche

I get it, I think
At least I think I see
But still I wish that you could better explain it to me

I'm caught up in coincidence
Lost in metonymy
Every metaphor I come across
An extension of my being

I'm drowning
But swimming
I'm so lost
But winning
A battle that I can't define
Rooted in believing
A date with fate I can't avoid
But have no business seeing

I remember telling my best friend of how I once saw god
He clammed up and got real quiet
Waiting for me to go on

But there was no more to say
And on that day
I knew what it meant to be free

It was frightening
And lonely
And deeply affected me

My life ever since has been a spiritual tragedy
I don't know how to fix it
I'm not sure what to think

It scares the **** out of people when I tell them
That God is all I see

Going inside and out
Compression to stretching
Something like breathing
Exalted expression

Who's playing this squeezebox?
Can I make a request?
Play something lively, loud, and fast

My heart's tied in knots
My brain's hanging on
By the skin of my teeth
For the length of one song

Dance like you're dying
And dance like you're dead
Life is little more
Than a song in your head

Break down the walls and let it all in
Dance as if this moment will never end

Move to the rhythm and jump towards your soul
Suspended stringless puppet under no one's control
Fall down to yourself right on top of the beat
Spinning in the center of where all the lines meet

Slow it down for the break and take a deep breath
Potential energy buildup for what's coming next
Those chills in the moment right before it all hits
Soul body and mind caught up in the mix

Hear it; explode
Supernovate the senses
The death of a star amid a galaxy of faces
To be born again
In a jet stream of limbs
I find enlightenment
At 150 bpm

I play these ballads for no one
To lose myself in it
And right when it's over
Is when I begin it

Now caught in the middle
My mind sits bewildered
Innocent criminal
A guileless sinner

In the between
Fulfilling my dreams
Giving sound to my conscience
Through the touch of these keys

I begin to see it
I start to believe
All of this nonsense
Now I know what it means

"You know I'll always love you"
I think that's how it went
But I know I've been a total wreck
Ever since that accident

You once said I was the one
Now you complain I'm always moping
"Let's go out and have some fun!"
We've different ways of coping

I don't see how you can ignore it
So afraid to tell me what you're thinking
You say my problem is that I dwell too much
And that I'm always drinking

"It's not like I can help it!
You think I want to be this way?!"
"Please just ******* stop it!"
"Please go the **** away!"

We used to talk of getting married
And raising a family
And living near some mountains
Drinking wine on balconies
Going on vacation
Teaching our kids to read
Making up our own board games
Planting apple trees

I know that you're frustrated with me
But I could give a ****
Go ahead and leave then
So that I may self-destruct

Come down in time I know you'll find a way to sow your seed
But I'm caught up pursuing death and eschewing what I need
And when you breathe I hope to god that you're exhaling me
Because I'm thinking of you tonight despite all of these things

So fill me up with your bright hope
I'll hang on by the promise
You'll be the one to help me cope
But I'm a doubting Thomas

Of all the things that can ever be, could my idea of us be one
But how could you ever forgive me, and the bad things that I've done

I won't know until I see
Won't quit so long as I breathe
And when I find that gorgeous fruit I'll pluck it from the tree

Caught up in the space between the first word and the next
While I'm breathing softly into my sweet lover's neck
And when she stirs I feel a burn swell up inside my chest
Of all the tales I've ever heard; I like this one the best

In the whirlwinding downpour I can see what it's for
Some semblance of a peace of mind disguised as wanting more
And filtered through your anecdotes I see the picture clearly
A moment as profound as this I'll never hold so dearly

Sincerely this time, I really must go
I'm combating with the ghosts of things that I can never know

Give me your hand, a hug, please just something
Because this ain't enough; I'm dissolving into nothing
I need one more chance, two more lives, three more times
So that I may reapply it to the format of my mind

Shy girl with a secret
Silently scanning the room
I think I'll go over and try talking to you

Do you mind if I penetrate through your wall of silence?
I can regale you with the minutiae of cinema and science

Play the fool to make you smile
I don't believe I've ever seen one finer
I'm almost ashamed of how badly
I want to be inside her

Can I buy you a drink?
Then we can talk of desire
But no amount of spirits
Will put out this fire

The night's winding down; now where shall we go?
You play with your hair, and say "I don't know."

Shy girl with a secret
Quietly plotting my doom
I should have known better than to have spoken with you

A dynamic life
That's what I've always wanted
And it seems to be what I've ended up with
It's such a thing to look back and see how far I've come from where I was
I needed to believe in progress

When I was younger
And learned about Siddhartha
I became so inspired
I finally knew what to go after

Enlightenment
The cure to these insufferable thoughts
Some sort of consistency between what was real and what was not
No one ever told me about the side effects

Nietzsche was always after me
Plato trying desperately to show me the trees
Capitalism challenging me to determine the difference between what I want and what I need

The side effects:
I couldn't tell the difference from one person to the next
The opposite of dynamic is static
I've grown numb by the shock of every time I encounter it

How can you be so dense?
How can you not see?
There's very little difference between you and me

Sometimes I feel mad
I get so angry
The side effect of pursuing enlightenment
Is insanity

What price have you paid for that countenance so vain?
Besides the cost of makeup
and hunger pains

My dear, I'm afraid
You've lost more than you've gained

That army of boys all waiting in limbo
Does it please you so to have those dogs at your toes?
Sorry excuses for men who will never know respect
If you ever gave it to one of them they'd move right on to the next

Don't count me among the many trying to take you to bed
I'm more interested with what's in your head
And in yours all I can see is a complete lack of depth

That and these and this and those
And in Spanish it's asombroso
And I just want you to text me first
So that I may practice my drunken verse

I wish it didn't have to be this way
I wish you could understand the things I say
But I've a history of being misunderstood
I'd teach you if I could
But I'm not sure if I should

I just want you to know how I feel
Honestly it's the only way to make it seem real
I've often told people my problem is that I'm emotionally detached
I'm hoping you can help me to take my feelings back

But where have they been?
I guess I don't know
Scattered through so many parts of the globe
Sometimes I feel I've exhausted them all
Way back with my mother when I was still small

Do I bother you?
I can clearly see why
I often delete your number until you reply

There was this one time
With this one guy
Who I once told that he was my best friend in life
He smoked DMT earlier in the night
Of which I refrained because I'd already seen the light

He proceeded to get to drunk
And he's got quite the temper
Then placed his hands around my neck and said something I'll always remember:
"Stop telling me how to think!"
It deeply affected me
And I accepted my fate of being strangled at a party
But then he let up
And I swear I felt let down
And struggled for weeks with the many revelations that I'd found

Am I a monster?
Am I obscene?
I always thought I was nice
But now I know that I'm mean
I can't bear the weight of how it all seems
Can't deal with these feelings
Don't know what they mean
And the worst part is
When he was choking me
I didn't panic
And I didn't scream
Because it was the way I've seen it ending so many times in my dreams
And when he couldn't go through with it,
I swear
I was angry

In a moment like this, do you know what I wish?
For you to still be here
Telling me to get over it

In times so dark, do you know what I want?
Your voice telling me
That I can get back up

In the parallel universe
Where you're still alive
Everything's perfect
And everything's fine
We still hang out and stay up all night
And we never argue
And never fight

But I'm stuck in this one
And in this one, you're gone
And nothing is right
Everything's wrong
And *******, I miss you
You've been gone so long

Do you remember that time?
My family has a home video of it.
It was my birthday,
and we were little kids,
and there's this moment in it
where we are standing quietly -
Staring at each other
Awkwardly.
You smile and giggle,
and I smile too,
but only a little,
because I'm trying to be still.

When I see it, it's like walking into a time portal.

I remember what I'd said to you.
I remember how I'd felt:
Like everything was moving too fast,
so I asked you for some help.

I said,
"Just stand here a minute. Don't move.
Let's just stand here for a second."

And you did.
And there it is!
Us standing awkwardly right in the midst
of chaotic childhood revelry -but removed from it.

We're like two young souls frozen
forever in a moment that made no sense,
and when I see it,
I long for that first loss of innocence.

I sit and stare
I think and drive
I wonder why this is my life

I think and stare
The lights go by
I feel so numb
I sit and drive

I see the road
Through my cracked windshield
I signal and turn
I brake and yield

I go through the motions
I stay within the lines
I sit and think
I stare and drive

I see the scenes go rolling by
I sit and stare
And wonder why
I make a turn
I sink and die

Oh yea, that one is great
I think I'll buy it right now, and right here
Except I spent half my cash on cigarettes
And the other half on beer

And it's so faux tragic
And totally lame
But I can't seem to face the shame
These are nothing but my parents' bad habits
So I'll leave them to shoulder the blame

Because I'm still young
Nieve of what I may become
Even though I have the living reminders

It seems I've got piles of strong ear plugs
And a never ending supply of blinders

You're crazy alright
I can see it in your eyes
And I should know
Because so am I

You're clever, for sure
I've seen that look before
A face so bored with common words
It craves for something more

I'm smitten, I'll swear
I think I'd better beware
Because I'd do almost anything that you could think to dare

So let's swap rules
And play a round of truth
I think I'm willing to admit
That you are rude
And super cruel
And I'm totally into it

With those longful stares
And sideways glances
I think I'll take my chances

Cause I'm not scared
Of frightened faces
I live for doomed romances

Now write me off to this full mooned night
There's no one left to check this flight
I'll leave you all on the cold hard ground
And fly into a new dawn's light

But I go alone
As you stand in stone
And now my speed is slowing down

Because what's the point
Of going there
If there's no one else around

I think I'd rather stay with you
Under your wing
All safe and sound

I'd rather take a walk with you
Than to get lost and never found

Through the park
And through the dark
And through the night, til we see day

This may be better than aimless flight
I think this is where I'll stay
It took a lot of wrongs to find one right
Thank you for showing me the way

It's hard to stay light
When these thoughts feel so heavy
When it comes to living life
I'm not sure if I'm ready

And maybe you feel the same way too
But then isn't that another reason to stay away from you?

I can never tell if my feelings are true
I feel so full of ****
I don't know what to do

Can you see through it?
I feel so exposed
Are you aware of my poems and prose?

If you liked what I write
Would that make it alright
Would you throw your dice in with a lot such as mine?

But my mind isn't sound
My feet aren't on the ground
I'll never pick you up if I always feel down

This is a warning
It's just insecure
Trying to appease
Cause I feel destined for war

I'm just afraid
That if you get with me
You'll be left wanting more

Give me a break
Just what can I do
When every thought and action
Stems directly from you

Get out of my head
I can't stand the doubts
I wish you were dead
I'm better off without

You
I know it
And you know it too

If only I had never, ever met you
Then this would be nothing
I'd be safe and sound
Living alone
Probably dead by now

Because I never could stand it
And you stand so proud
Jealousy, admiration, hope, and oh wow
No wonder I'm drowning
No wonder I've drowned
When this is my reaction to treasure I've found

Stay in the sand
I'll bury you again
I'm not your family
I'm not your friend
I'm just a man counting down to the end
12, 6, 7, 8, 9, and then 10

Come together then fall apart
Defibrillate this broken heart
Draw lines to bridge that gap between
Where I end and you start

And break the laws you set in stone
Wind and sand and dirt and bone
Confound your own confusion
A house isn't always a home

Open your mind and forget what you know
And I'll forget that I don't know any better
Just know now that you're not alone
We are in this thing together

So show your inner deep down cracks
Share your secret inside laughs
And I swear I'll see the humor too
I feel funny when I'm with you

Then we'll go out and paint the sky
If you're my girl then I'm your guy
Can this joy be kept on ice?
"I'm just so happy right now,
I could die."

And everything's all out of order
I've called back the army that guarded my border
But you can't invade land that's never been owned
Are we together,
Or together alone?

It's never mattered
It matters not to me
When I look into your eyes
You're all that I can see
And all that I can know
And all I'll ever be
Is a man staring back at eyes
Forgetting how to breathe

He twists the words he says
And makes them into something he can believe in
The greatest undefinable thing that he's never been
He's swimming in his fantasies

An untamed greatness that he forsook
Spilled it out into the swamp
He found himself inside a book
The cure to all his wants

On a sun-drenched day
He lost himself
Deep inside the flood

There are some things
Inside his brain
That run more deep than blood

A song to sink the prying eye
He woke up and kissed the sky

Along the road less traveled by
He laid down and thought he'd died

In a river full of discontents
A simple syllable so sunk
Never mind his ramblings of nonsense
He's nothing but a drunk

Take the wicket and search the lawn
You've found a place to stick it
Swing that mallet held tight in your arms
That ball is going,
going,
gone.

Find that glass you couldn't face
Then glue back all the pieces
A countenance of broken grace
Reflects
Your faith increases

Roll the dice and move three squares
Or to wherever you have landed
These cheats do play games so unfair
But their gangs have all disbanded

The grass is green
The ball is gone
Your reflection stares back strong
There's no one left to hold you back now
It's time to carry on

Sometimes I tap my cigarette in time to the syllables of the numbers nine through twelve.
Sometimes I wonder if anyone knows what the hell I'm talking about.
So I walk around outside to try to understand my mind
just to get lost on a journey and leave it all behind.
If you could join me, I'd show you all of the lights.
The ones with deep meaning that make everything all right.
But it's times like these that I'd rather be by myself:
Nine, Ten, E-lev-en, Twelve.

As a kid I always lived inside of my head.
Backyard battles with demons were always so vivid.
One time I stuck a bunch of duck feathers into the back of my shirt.
I ran around the pool jumping -
just trying to leave Earth.

As I grew up, I maintained my thirst for adventure.
Fell in love with facing fears -
succumbed to a lust for danger.
Always trying to disprove my doubts.
Nine, Ten, E-lev-en, Twelve.

Fell into doing drugs and developed a taste.
Having fun with a new crowd.
Learned to deal with disgrace,
but sometimes I'd catch my reflection in a mirror
and couldn't recognize my own face.

But all the while coming closer to achieving my dreams.
Knowing one day I'd fly away on my wings.
Came to find out the true nature of the place that I dwell.
An angel can't fly when he's trapped down in hell.

Nine, Ten, E-lev-en, Twelve.

I have at knack for falling for self-proclaimed *****
And they tend to be fond of me
Perhaps it's forgiveness they see in my face
Or that I don't try immediately to get between their legs
I don't want that kind of thing for free

Here's a phrase I often hear them say
"I think you're too good for me."
"I think we should just be friends."
And sometimes this is okay
But sometimes this is where it ends
I'm not always up to go through it again
Loving a girl who'd rather get ****** instead
"It's not that I don't like you, I'm just ****** up in the head."

I have a thing for girls who hurt themselves
And they take a liking to me
I kiss all their scars, and steal all their blades
Try to convince them of their supreme beauty
They often say that I should go away
"Just leave me alone here to die!"
But I just can't bear to think of their pain
If they only knew what I could see in their eyes

Sometimes I wonder if I'm not insane
If this isn't my own kind of masochism
Falling in love with the broken and used
Maybe this is my own form of self-abuse
But somebody's got to look after them

When I was a little kid,
About maybe five or six
I told my parents I would become an addict on purpose
Just to show them how to quit

They said I was foolish
They told me to stop it
But I insisted I would

Now here I am, almost 20 years later
It's about time I made good.

Keep your distance while I deny existence
And fall inward on myself and my own solipsis
Stand back while I split up and crack
And crumble to the ground as a broken David

Do not follow me as I delve into my dreams
To scratch the fabric of my essence as it splits at the seams
Stay away from the black at the back of my mind
And my lack of desire for the passage of time

I hear a heart suddenly stop beating and I wonder if it's mine

Close the distance while I define existence
And expand upon the meanings in an existential breeding
Feeding off the exhales of the universe's breathing
Teeming with a life of which is far beyond believing

In a week's time it'll all be fine
You won't have to work so hard
In another life things might turn out alright
But this one feels all wrong

And I know you never wanted any of this
But we don't get to make that call
Now here we stand on a tower of sticks
Just waiting for the fall

But please,
Please
With all the new things you'll see
Don't you forget about me

In a week's time it'll all be fine
He'll come to take you away
I wonder if I was capable of it
If I'd still try to convince you to stay

And I know you never asked for any of this
But he just can't resist your charm
Now take a final look at the place you won't miss
As we walk down the street we grew up on

And it's true
It's true
Despite the things I might do
I'll never forget about you

We both always knew you were destined for greatness
He's got the ticket to take you there
Leave me here to pick up the pieces
I'll try not to think that life is unfair

I'm neurotically yours
It's impossibly true
All of my alter egos and I
Are madly in love with you

I'm crazy about you baby
The voices in my head tell me you're the one
(Of course, they also tell me God is in the numbers,
And that Doctor Oz is Satan's favorite son.)

I love you so much it's bad for my health
My reflection says I should seek professional help
But he's the one who ought to see a shrink
I never have any idea of what he's talking about

I can't keep track of who's said what,
Or when, or how, or where
Sometimes I talk to you out loud
Even when you're not really there

It's all those smiles that drive me wild
And the things you do with your hair
And the deep understanding I see in your face
As if you may actually care

I love you more than a narcissist loves himself
More than a poet loves words
I love you more than life itself
Baby, I'm neurotically yours

I'm always waxing and waning
Thinking I've gone crazy
Climbing mountain tops just to pick a few daisies
Sometimes, it's lonely

I'm always leaving before I've arrived
My mind is up there dancing with the clouds in the sky
But then,
Sometimes,
I can see heaven right through your eyes

It's not that I haven't been paying attention
I take it all in as mental expansion
Connecting everything to the dots in my head
Looking for the true meaning behind the words that you've said

I'm always revealing too much, while not showing enough
I guess you could say I'm a bit out of touch
I guess you could say I'm not easy to love

Sometimes, I cry
But not for myself
I cry for the lost souls that I can't seem to help

Sometimes, I laugh
In spite of myself
And at this trivial pursuit
Of trying to figure it out
But that's when it hits me
(Sometimes there's an audible click)
And I smile and laugh louder
Because I have it

Empty girl. I can fill you up. Oh, would you look at that
How about another one?
Live it up right now while you're still young.
This ain't so bad is it?
I told you it was fun.

Simple girl. I can stir it up.
Complicate you so completely you'll swear you've had enough.
But I've got you started,
Now it will never stop.

Your passion is piling
Building up in your gut
You ask for release
I can give you what you want.

Live it up while you're young
Isn't this fun?
You say I broke your heart
You're not the only one.

You scream and you writhe
You sing out in hate
Can't say I didn't warn you
I told you this would be great

Lonely girl. I showed you my world
Not very pretty is it
But at least it feels real
Take what you've learned and do what you will
Mend all the birds that I nearly ****
And I'll cheat, and I'll lie, and I'll break, and I'll steal
Scan every room with hungry eyes until I find my next meal
And you'll always remember
I know that you will
When that heart of yours beats for me
You'll tell it to be still.

You're so full of light
May I just stand inside it?
I know that I have my dark
I'll try my best to hide it
With you on my side I feel
I have the strength to fight it

You shine so bright
You star
Do you know just what you are?
You've got the drive to save a life
And the will to go so far

You've got the key to unlock these chains
That keep us all enslaved
Please, please
Unlock mine first
And I will help you on your way

On second thought
You'd better not
It's safer to leave me be
I don't know what I might do to you
Just stay away from me

There once was a whale
Or maybe it was just a giant fish
He hung around in the shallows
And all of us anglers wondered if
Catching him wouldn't make us rich

If only that glory could be ours
To win that battle between nature and wit
We set our bait and cast our lines
And in the meanwhile, we wondered, "what if?"

And at the local gas stations we give them our cash
We ask for the many itches that we would like to scratch
We look at the numbers with all our fingers crossed
Hoping that all of our hope is not lost

All of these people
Just trying to get along
And I've got my keyboard
And I've got my song
And I sing it out loud
To find out who will sing along

All of these thoughts
Now have somewhere to go
And I plant this seed
And I'll watch it grow
And somewhere in between
The most spectacular show

All of these feelings
Succumb to being overwhelmed
A desperate attempt of the lost to be found
And the trees sprout up from the soft fertile ground
And the birds give words to the sweet subtle sound
Of a life never lived giving birth to right now

Sometimes I feel that I want something more,
Then sometimes I'm content to lie down on the floor,
And I can't help but wonder
If this is all that I've been searching for.

Just a strange place to lay my head,
And foreign surroundings to make up my bed,
Then I can't help but wonder
If this is a scene from a book that I've yet to have read.

The first time I went to Disney World,
And we were crossing a bridge,
I asked, "Is this all some part of a story?"
And my grandma said, "Of course it is!"

She was referring to Cinderella.
You know, the one who met that charming prince,
But I was talking about all of life,
And I've felt misunderstood ever since.

The magic word is "Hello."
The tragic word is "Goodbye,"
And the madness is wondering of who you'll think of in those moments right before you die.

The magic is in the present.
The tragic is in the past,
And the madness is in wondering if you'll ever find a happiness that will last.

The time has come to say "Good night."
That time has come to pass,
And this is no time for writing when all these thoughts are coming so fast.

The beauty is in the infinite.
The eternal is supreme,
But the most beautiful things are happening before I can figure out just what they mean.