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Jenna B Nov 2013
small malleable minds
with an infinity of creativity
awesome fallible thoughts and yet no fear of failure
Just a confidence, a contentment to be themselves
tiny soft hands
no scars yet, only lines of destiny
Big thoughts and simple words
portraying their world in colors unknown
Jenna B Nov 2013
Who am I?*
To you-
I'm the pin cushion for all the weak fumbling shots
I'm a bundle of nerves from all your panic
Your panic
Your pin cushion
Your mannequin, shaping  as you please
Up and down over and over
Late and hard
Your cupboard of insecurities
All your words too big for everyone else to hear
the ones you save for me,  
'cause you always knew I wouldn't fight back
All your fists and bruises that you echo
onto me
my skin
my hurt
ME
*******

I'm my own being and this isn't yours
I'm the darkness in my head, and the sunshine in the day
I know because the clouds never reach my hands
only ever brushing my thoughts and leaving them cold
I'm my own worst enemy, and my only best friend
Confidant and abuser, I know how to keep myself awake
Nocturnal and alive- you made me love the night
and the darkness to cover up the secrets
Now I'm living in MY day, MY life
dancing in the sunshine, letting the world know
let them see your ugly secrets

I know me more than you ever will
I'm the lock on my door and you aren't invited
I'm the key to my heart and I know how I work
You won't pick this lock again,
I'm saving my love and life for something else
not to be chained to somebody like you
I'm connecting now to people who know me
and allow me to work through myself before they push themselves in
Unlike you- who tore into my life with such a vengeance that it  broke my ability to trust all together
Until I met people who helped mend me, without even knowing it
Who smile and laugh with me
They seem to like me for me, and appear
to genuinely want me to be better tomorrow
Friends who believe that I can shine instead of stamping me to ashes

It's like clockwork in my head now, and I know how this will end
a crazy messy kind of order that you will never understand
I'm the noose around my neck,
but I know how to untie
the pretty bow you keep me trapped with
I'm my own cartographer, creating my mountains and climbing them
I'm mine
and you claim to be my creator but those are only words
I am a child of this Earth, and a mind of my own
designed by the elements and a God more powerful than your blows
given to you, entrusted to you
to take care of, not kick down  
I'M MINE
not yours to play with
I won't be your punch bag, *** toy, secret or
******* victim anymore
I'm me,
My thoughts are mine to treasure
my body is mine to nurture
and maybe I don't know
'who I am' yet
I just know that I am definitely
not yours.
Jenna B Nov 2013
****** and calm
deficit inside of me
showing it's ugly teeth when it wants too
ripping me up suddenly
growling and fierce
wild and rabid
how could I possibly tame this demon?
I did, with a bit of simple convention
I could, if I follow a few rules
I will, one day
but right now I'm still a rebel
allowing this thing to feed off my anger
Jenna B Nov 2013
#1.
I did something I haven't done in forever today
It was so simple that I can't believe it hasn't occurred to me before
I went and lay down in the garden, on the grass
under the sky and beneath the wreath of tree's
I know- I'm proud of me too
It made a lot of sense in my head
mainly because for the first time ever I managed
to clear my thoughts
have you ever tried?
I turned it all off for a split second of naturalistic bliss
and it was like a reboot and revival
of all the conundrums I have been trying to figure out for so long
it was like a little sprinkle of clarity over my day
I lay there and felt my own body, twitching on the itchy grass
I felt the wind blowing harmlessly on my skin
and I felt the goosebumps rise
it all felt so good
I put my hands up, and stretched out
appreciating my size
I placed my hands on my hips and delighted in feeling
my bones beneath my skin
I delighted in squeezing my own fleshy thighs and knowing they were mine
I pulled my legs up and set them down
just to know how I move
it was more powerful than a reflection in a mirror, because I really
knew, and felt myself for the first time in a long time
I have grown out of touch but I want to be back so badly  

I wondered with new found clarity, and not a single fear of
judgement of sensibility
I felt connected to something much bigger than me
bigger than you, and even bigger than the sky
I can't describe what it was,
but it seemed to love easily and forgive quickly
it had a serenity that I haven't know before
and a wisdom beyond all the years of time
I have very suddenly found ...what?
This God, Goddess, Deity?
an agnostic power, force of nature?
Maybe it's just the liveliness of outside
I don't know but I don't think anybody could put a name on it
I can't even begin to explore it's entirety
so with all that said and done
I think I had better go back tomorrow
Jenna B Oct 2013
I don't understand you, although I desperately want to.
when I first met you, I was completely intrigued
by your words and your voice
you gorgeous voice that has the ability to make me melt
your beautiful words, that are so raw and true they make me shudder,
(although they are laced with just the right amount of confusion and wonder)
those were the parts of you that first caught my attention
I looked at you, and you seemed to be an open book
I went over to read you but it was simply a mirage
you have this illusion of simplicity but you are so deeply complex that sometimes,
I marvel and wonder if you could ever understand yourself...
I try to see past your walls, to what drives you
and sure, you've given me a glimpse once or twice
but it only made me urge to see more

Now- this is the part I don't know if you'll appreciate
See, I zoomed in on you so hard and concentrated on you so intensely,
trying to get you and capture your aura
that the rest of the world began to look a little...inadequate
and I think that you puzzled me to the point that
I started falling for you.  

In fact I fell so hard that I went a little crazy
I must have hit my head
I was crazy to live like you, and be with you
Maybe it was that little hue of ridiculousness that allowed me to see you more clearly
and oh WOW
I realize now that the more I think about you, the less I will ever understand
I know that you are such an intricate and vast soul that it could never be described
much less expressed verbally or stuffed into your body
You are truly the most stunning and flawed human being I have ever had the privilege of witnessing
I really think I love you now
and I just thought that you should know
So that you could understand a little bit of me.
Jenna B Oct 2013
The power this little girl holds illuminates her, and projects her strength further than her physical being

She stands above the rest, and her bare feet sink into the soil of the mountain she is standing upon
She has climbed for a lifetime to reach this sanctuary. She overcome the sheer rock faces with nothing but her nimble hands and supple feet, although you would think she had had help from the wind- almost like it had picked her up and gently placed her on higher ground.
Nobody can reach her, or touch her. No- she has conquered the common ground and now she is playing in the clouds.

Except she won't play long, for she can see an army on the horizon. It is coming for her and marching to the rythym of her beating heart. She is frightened for herself, and her beautiful place in the world. Mediocrity is coming to quell the magic she's created.
They March on,consuming the mountain and covering it like thousands of ants.

Still she stands strong, even though the army coming for her have no hearts, only armour and shields. She has only her weak flesh to protect the heart she has nurtured so carefully. They're so close now...but not quite near.
They cannot reach her for she is too high. They cannot attack her or pierce her skin.

Maybe she'll be safe

The army however, have a weapon much more dangerous. They let their voices snake up to her, like coils of smoke. She hears what they think and she knows the hate in their heads is all for her. The words ******* her, worse than any wound could. She does not know how to attack what she cannot see so instead she listens, trying to detect where it whispers from. She doesn't know, and the voices of hatred penetrate her world. Her power is crippled and her heart is left broken.

She still has power, but it isn't put on display. She keeps it to herself so that jealous minds can't come after it. Because every whisper is yet another crack, another chip off her shoulder.
She isn't innocent and trusting any longer, her edges have become a little rough. She fell down from her sanctuary, down the rock face of her mountain. The words of the soldiers hurt her so badly that she joined them just to get away, to blend in.

But she remembers. She remembers the freedom she had from her vantage point, and the beauty she saw there. She is climbing her mountain again, starting from scratch. It's harder, there's more weight pulling her down.
But don't worry- she'll get there.  
She was a girl that illuminated hope, and now she's cracked.
We broke her, but now we have the opportunity to help her back up.

And from there, she'll go far.
She still illuminates hope.
Jenna B Oct 2013
go
He looks at her as she reads
calmly
she is subtle and calm, turning each page
slowly
he feels his stomach begin to churn
faintly
he watches her as her hair falls in her face
softly
she feels his eyes on her, and looks up
just like that
and the moment is gone
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