Impatient and cranky, restless and raw.
Tired of waiting, and sick of the draw.
Waiting for help, waiting for change,
waiting for something in us to rearrange.
My mind too full to find any peace.
Thought after thought needs release.
I can not process all this mess
I can not hold it,  i just need less.
Needing help, a partner, a friend,
Someone on which i can depend.
Trying to trust that God has it all,
But finding that my faith is small.
I Let it go, but then i take it back
Unwilling to allow the line to slack
Stubborn and prideful, quiet and sad
Falling apart but pretending its not so bad.
Losing days in an endless wakeful sleep
Lost in the push and pull the hurt so deep.
How do i wake up and really release.
Make the heaviness begin to decrease.

This house is a ticking time bomb a powder keg about to blow. A family on the brink of destruction but no one seems to know.
To many variables for any one path to be right for all. So which ones survive, and which ones take the fall?
So much pressure I grapple with weight… make a choice make a call before it’s too late!
That ship has sailed there is no way to flee.
All exit ramps are a cascading detonations inside of me.
Why is it my decision, my choice, my weight to bear. Why am I the one caught in grief and guilts snare.
It doesn’t matter decisions were made a long time ago , but now I see the cracks starting to show.
Maybe they were there the whole time but invisible until I changed the view like a holographic image you can’t quite see through.
Trauma and triggers memories and fears. We all see it a little bit differently through the years.
This pain this grief I feel like it will break me. But I’ll take it all if it will set them free.

A different day the same refrain echos of bitterness loss and pain.
Heart in my throat i look at you i see the obstacles, but i don’t know how we make it through.
Head down keep going moving along. But now we are lost somewhere we don’t belong.
Your frustrated, and scared, and anger and bitterness reigns. I am sad, and overwhelmed and not sure of what remains.
What we need, want, believe so different it’s Pulling us apart. If we want to be together we need to restart.
Our lives in chaos, overwhelmed, and each doing things essentially on our own. So much has changed I am just not sure its in the same direction that we’ve grown
Cant go backwards or build on what is past. We need to start fresh if we want this to last.
Figure out if we have similar vision, goals, dreams. If they are compatible or are we ripping each other seam from seam?
It doesn’t mean ones wrong and the other one right. But if there is no compromise then every moment just continues to be a fight.

Here we are you and i neither happy both living a lie!
Bitter and angry the name of the game or wounded and resigned a repeating refrain.
Both feeling more and more stuck but no common ground so guess we’re out of luck
Both living our truths out of our wounded souls. Both left feeling like empty holes.
I take a step back try to sift through the glass
Tell myself this too shall pass.
But jagged edges leave wounds that fester and grow. And sooner or later the bleeding shows.
My heart is broken,  your hope is gone. But whats the choice so we keep going on.
You feel defeated, disrespected, and used. I feel lost, unwanted, and accused!
Yet here we are no choice stuck like gravity. But if we could break it would we really be free.
Could time apart heal and help us to grow
Maybe with therapy but we will never know.

You hurl words like daggers and the wounds are deep. Bitterness festering and the edges seep.
An infection so deadly and dark, the contrast between hope and reality is stark!
Anger and bitterness mixed with sarcasm and tone. Lead to the same, mixed with helplessness and feeling alone.
Back and forth until our home becomes a battle field. But we do more damage than we realize with the weapons we wield.
Death and decay of the relationships we desire . Heart, mind, and soul fall victim and the cost climbs higher.
Where does it stop? where does it end? How do we get the results we desire instead of what the weapons rend?
Lay down your weapons, they are not effective for this fight. You can only  overcome the darkness by working within the light.

Look into her eyes and you will find traces of things shes left behind.

Not always by choice people and things fall away, little pieces of her heart lost in the fray.

Gypsy soul and the heart of a child. forever in love with magic and adventure, free and wild.

She draws you in with the depth of her soul, so fiercely loyal and loving, but wounds have left a hole.

Scars on her heart but her compassion she will not lose based off of things that others choose.

She has Strength and beauty thats hard to measure, but the trueness within her is the real treasure.

A woman who looks at the world from a different point of view, seeing what could be instead of whats right in front of you.

Seeing the best in others and forgiving the rest! Loving them no need to pass a test.

She holds it together when the rest of us go insane. with warmth and reason she changes the refrain.

Diving in and the water is deep , ripples of pain away from me creep.
All around me the absence of sound, the weight and intensity is profound.
I blink my eyes try to clear the haze, questions bubble around me creating an unending maze.
No answers to help me through the confusion. The happiness i had dreamed only an illusion
Im living in a nightmare instead of my dream. And dealing with the staggering reality that no one is what they seem.
Every heartbeat an ache and a cry! pretending I’ve got it under control but its a lie!
The pain is staggering and it makes me sway
I drop to my knees and overwhelmed i pray.
Open my clenched fists help me let go…. the control i never had, cracks starting to show.
Relax my jaw, tension making it ache, all this heaviness away from me take.
Heal my heart from the heavy blows. I feel as though i am bleeding out but no one knows.