I feel it slip over me and pull me down, the weight of their expectations and judgments about me surround.
Have you walked it? this path that i tread, have you carried this load or caught the tears that i bled?
Hurt echos in constant waves off the walls
of my mental masterpiece mess of glass lined halls.
The panes shake and they tremble and violently quake. I breathe deep and reach out to steady before they break.
Reflections of days past and windows to my soul. Are they protective walls or a cage what is the goal.
One wrong move and i will be covered in shards of glass. The jagged edges slicing me open as i try to pass.
Tip toe and take a steady breath walk away and shut the door no time to deal with shattered messes on the floor.

What do you want?
What do you need?
What makes you happy?
What makes you bleed?
What is authentic, deep inside?
The truth behind the mask you try to hide.
What is the narrative to the images on replay?
That dance in your head at the end of the day.
How long have you lived in this crazy way?
Not honest with yourself just a part you play.
Day after day the same old dance.
Lost in the chaos, caught in a trance.
Until all at once something wakes you up!
everything has changed,
though you drink from the same cup.
What you thought was true barely even matters.
Remnants of what once was hang in tatters.
A new focus emerges from the fire and ash.
But you hardly feel the pain so awed by the flash.
Blinding, amazing, completely surreal!
But the shock wears off, the pain you can feel!
The tearing away of things that you don’t need.
Necessary, but It still hurts you still bleed.
Rebuilding starts with breaking.
I know He is good in-spite of the aching.
Remolding reshaping to someone i don’t recognize.
But i don’t care turn my face to the skies!

How do i find order in the chaos, quiet amidst the noise? When my world is crumbling how do I maintain poise?
Left or right? North or south? Control the words coming from my mouth.
You created me and know me to my core! Why cant i understand what i was created for?

Balance and momentum. Contentment and drive. Passion and purpose. what keeps us alive?
Confused and trembling on the precipice of change. But i cant see it i can only feel things beginning to rearrange.
Hold me guide me do not let me stumble and fall, if its not of you i do not  want it at all!

Baby girl born into a world of confusion, chaos, and anger. Your so small my precious one, I hope we can protect you from the danger.

Born of two cultures you did not get to choose will we help you build a bridge or create a ruse.

Can we help you find love and respect for both parts of who you are.  Or will we try to force you to fit our ideas and create a scar.

Your heart so tender, so ready to receive,
All the things we tell you to believe.

May our words and actions show you love, kindness, and Respect. May you become a woman of faith with a ripple effect.

Strong and brave,  loyal and true, a champion of those who are less fortunate than you.

A righter of wrongs, a voice of truth, and a heart of compassion. May wisdom and love be given you without ration.

Its so easy to be caught in the fear of everything that we may miss. Perhaps the Lord has placed you for such a time as this.

Laying awake because the worry wont cease,
Heartache inside on a steady increase.
No way to put into words the dread and anxiety, my constant companion in your society.
Cant have a conversation no matter how gentle or careful I try to be. So much rage and venom I fade under the intensity.
I am so overwhelmed and confused a jumbled mess. Find myself accepting less and less.
Less compassion and respect,  less love and affection. I See the shadows in my eyes as I stare at my reflection.
What are we doing? playing a warped game of pretend? One where nobody’s happy or ever wins I want it to end!
It starts with me the only place it can. I must face the things away from which I’ve ran.
On my own afraid but i have to learn to stand. Do it all for myself no looking back no longer expecting a hand.
Broken,bleeding, and bare, carrying more baggage than i want to share.
It does no good to ask myself how or why?
But i might need a moment to grieve to cry.

Salty air and sandy toes , amid sunshine and waves  relationships strengthen and grow!
Late night sweet kiddo snuggles, firelight dancing, laughter bubbles.
Friends turned family that love you through it all, hold your hand when you feel small.
Puppy kisses, under blue skies, sun kissed skin, time flies by!
Warmth seeps in healing my soul, easing my aches stitching me whole.
Sound of the waves soothe away, the world so loud troubles on replay.
Losing and finding pieces in the endless sway where water meets land and pretense washes away.

I feel it when it’s beginning sometimes slowly sometimes in a rush,
Never prepared as the walls break and then the gush.

Heart beat racing, out of breath, mind a blur.
I whisper we’re safe but my body does not concur.

Not even sure what started the fear and anxiety. But my skin is crawling and i can’t breathe.

Focus, connect with what is real. What can you see, hear, and feel?

Regulate your breathing, calm your heart, let the tremors subside hit pause then restart.

Too much sound, and Too much to take in.
One step at a time control is very thin.

My heart is still to fast but the day doesn’t stop. Like Holding a ball under water hoping it doesn’t pop.