As the monitor beeped
your heart beat no more.
I held your hands,
felt you go.

What your soul once inhabited
turned pale cold.
Hands that held me in my youth
became skin and bones,
no final warmth to heal my core.

You were a gift sent from above,
why did I never think you'd go back up?

As pressure rose in my chest,
and blinding tears raced towards my heart,
I fully understood how we could impact others.

By the time you met me, your life already seemed complete.
Goals and success now stories you could tell.
Selflessly, your wisdom was passed down to many,
including myself.

And although I represent
a small percentage of your life,
you make up over half of mine.

To this day it feels unreal.
So many things I wish to share
but now your home reads "for sale".

Every day you cross my mind,
every night I pray to God,
pray for heaven to be real.

I'm well aware you still live on
within those you touched with love.

But it's not the same.

In heaven your spirit rightfully soars,
therefore my life must be grand,
grand enough to reach the skies.
Then perhaps I'll see you forevermore.

I feel myself letting go of what was craved for months.
Old thoughts remind me of why I used to want him.
But they've grown into habits rather than wishful yearns.

Eyes turn glossy as old pain is read.
Dried tears creep above pores,
begging not to go to waste.
Chest spins inside out
as I wonder why the good
deceivingly outweighed the bad.

Our past became habits of memory,
memories that should be treasured
for what they were,
not for what could be once more.

Who knew a name creates affliction?
Not because of what is felt
but lack there of feeling.

Perhaps this is the start
of letting go.