I can’t help but feel like something is
Missing
I knew there wasn’t going to be an us
Even though I wanted so bad for it to happen
I’ve accepted it
And I’m trying to move on
But we haven’t talked much her and I
And I feel like I’m bothering her when I text her
I feel like I’ve been annoying people
Anyways
Because nobody really seems to care
I know what I’m missing
And I can’t seem to keep you off of my
Mind
I don’t know how you are doing
Besides the poems you write
If you’re still up
You can always text me
I’ll be up for a while
I can’t seem to sleep anyways
I don’t even know if you’ll see this or not
Part of me hopes you do
Because I really am
Missing you

I just want to sleep
And stay that way
I don’t want to get out of bed
And move around
I want to sleep like nobody cares
I’m tired

You meant a lot to me
You still do
And Its terrifying

Today
Was one of those days
Where I couldn't
Stop looking
Over my shoulders
Expecting to see you
Close to me
Waiting for me to do something
To push you away like before
Freeze when you started to
Do what you did
I've let the paranoia
Sink in
Its been controlling me
Like you had been
I wasn't perfect...
That terrible feeling I had gotten the night of the storm
How I cried myself to sleep beside my best friend
Because that was the first time
The first red flag
I couldn't getaway
I tried so hard
But couldn't
And so I gave up
That's when the voices started to reappear
I hadn't heard them in two years
After I had stopped talking to you
And then...
I had that feeling
Once again...
And I couldn't stop you
But I never gave up
I pushed you away
I didn't speak
except for once or twice
I know I said no at least once
Or maybe I didn't
Because they took over to try
She wanted to protect me
So she did
After I was choked
She was the one who said something
When you did what you did
I couldn't stop her from telling them
She was so angry
Because it wasn't just me
That you hurt
So now
The paranoia has set in
And I'm so scared
Because you know
Where I live
Where I go on the weekends...
Who I hang out with...
But even though you can't touch me...
It still makes me
Paranoid

Im slowly forgiving you
Well
Forgetting
Its strange
How you got
Under my skin
next month marks a year
and I can finally say you name
I was you the other day
it made us angry
as our mom pulled us away
but now you're
just a missing memory
and im okay with that
its been eleven months now
I haven't forgotten what you said
but you are in the distance now
maybe one day I can
forgive you
And forgive myself
for not yelling for her
but it wasnt my fault
it was yours
for thinking we were scared
scared to stand up
I was scared at first
but now I know
that maybe
you werent supposed to be a part of my life
you werent my life line
She was however
because she protected us
she calmed me down
helped me breathe
when nobody else knew what was going on
and im glad she was there
shes the reason I spoke up
and im glad I did
cause im not missing a part of myself anymore

As tears stream down my face
I don’t know who she is
But I hope you’ll be happy
Because that’s all I want for you
Is to be happy
Even if it isn’t me who makes you that
I don’t even know if you’ll read this
Or if you are ignoring me
If I did something wrong
I’m sorry
I can’t talk to you in person
And it hurts
I don’t know why
It just does
Maybe because I poured my heart out
Just to find out you had someone else
The letters may have had more meaning
To me then they did you
I just want to talk to you again
Because if we’re honest
I never stopped thinking of you
All summer
I waited and hoped that I would see you
So I could tell you face to face how I felt
But that changed with time
Because at first I thought that maybe
You hated me
I don’t need anyone to love me
Besides myself
But I can’t even say I love myself
Because I don’t
But I guess that’s us
Right?

I think I’ve made a name for myself
Maybe

Clearly im not wanted
Or needed
just for now
only to them
They dont ask me
Questions
To see how im doing
If they did
They would know
How im breaking

~I sit here
Waiting
For a girl
Who's never gonna like me
The way I like her
Its honestly
Tragic
How hard im trying
And for you
im sorry
That im so hopelessly in love
With
You~

I can tell you I’m fine
When I’m not
A silent nod
Is what I use
To express my feelings
Because I don’t know what to do
Because I really like you
But I’m pretty sure you don’t like me
And that’s fine I just need to move on

It’s good with a lot of things
As we talk I can see
How sweet you are compared to me
I hope you know
My feelings never changed
I haven’t given up hope
And that will stay the same

You're innocent
Until proven
Guilty
Innocence
I'm not sure that I have that
Broken
I can try to pick the glass up
But ill only get
Cut
Love
One-sided till they leave
You can see the evil
But you can't understand why it happened
Why he hurt you
Why he didn't tell you
Why he said
He loved you
Just to leave you shattered
I wish you had gone to jail
Because then I wouldn't have to see you
Or hear her
Or watch you try to stare me down
They made me forget once
They can do it again
All I want
Is to forget
The good
The bad
The hateful
Things you put me through
I left because
I was scared
I knew that day
You would show up
You'd done it once before
and I kept my mouth shut
I wish I hadn't
I wish i had gotten anyone
But I didn't
I thought
I could trust you
And a few months later
What do you do?
You take it farther than before
It's not just pulling me close to you
It's kissing me and trying to force me to kiss you back
It's your cold lips on my neck
Making me want to scream
And cry
And all I can do
Is sit there
Trying to push you away
And I couldn't stop you
Till you said
That you never stopped loving me
And then I snapped out of it
I told you that
I couldn't
I was happy
Until that day
And I won't forget
Your name
Your face
Until they prove you guilty

No matter how many times
I try to forget
Your Name
Your face
The things we used to talk about
The dreams for our future
The things you did
To suffocate
To hurt
To **** me
Little by little
I'm slowly
Trying
To fix
Myself
To fix the things
I hate about myself
Hate
About
You
Although
I wish you
The best
Because I did
Love you once

I keep having these dreams
Waking up scared or paranoid
Thats okay though
Because they arent real
At least I hope they arent
I woke up from one today
Early this morning
As I looked at the moonlight
Coming from my window
I could see a hand
Reaching towards me
I panicked and turned my TV on
So I could sleep

It seems I cant stay calm
It seems I may be scared to lose you
My heart telling me I want to be around you
But I cant because
I get so jealous
And I cant stop it
I dont understand
Why it hurts so bad
Maybe because you knew I liked you
But thats okay
Cause im not gonna leave
Ive got to stick around
Even if it hurts
Hide my selfish self
Stop being jealous
And realize
You belong to someone else
And ill be around when you need me
Because I care
Way too much
To stop liking you
For who you are
Its sad to think about
But nobody really cares
Even in a room full of people
You can still feel alone
But is that anything new?
People can say what they want
And I dont really care
Because
I like you
And i wont give up
But for now
Ill keep quiet
Because
Jealousy
Ruins relationships
Friendships
And it could ruin us
No matter how much it hurts
Ill be here
Waiting
Because I seem to be incapable
Of moving on
I have my goals set
And you have yours
Im just glad
You're happy
Because thats all I want for you to be
Is happy

People change like how the seasons change
Every year its something different
They can be hot but grow cold
They can bloom like the flowers in spring
And they can turn red like the leaves in fall
People change and thats okay
Because we grow along with the seasons
And its amazing
And beautiful
Just never change yourself for someone else

It hurts that you arent mine
Once again im alone
And I cant show my feelings
Because then ill lose you

I seem to be numb to the situation now
The nightmares have almost stopped
And Im not as scared anymore
I might be a bit better as a person
And I cant seem to blame you
Because you meant the world to me then
A shell of who you used to be
Maybe one day I can forgive you
But ive put it to rest
Pushed you into the back of my mind
And now I can rest
Peacefully sleep
Without thinking
You were going to hurt me
Again
And Again
And
Again