the things you did, said, thought were flea bites compared to the pain of what you did not

I wanna be beautiful
But really I'm not suitable
For kissing, talking, walking, *******
Or whatever humans do
I wish I could remember how to be
But I never really knew
And now I'm tearing at the edges
Leaking sand and salt and dust from all my seams
What's this dream? It isn't sweet
Who's this stranger inside me?
I was gutted like a home and they've replaced all of my bones
Hello- my name is jade
I wear white and hate the shade
My eyes are brown, my hands are pink
And I just poured $50 down the sink

*** and THC and way too many eyes on me
I'm smoking dust the blades will rust and I'm left with one too many ways I trust
What's good, Jessica? I'm caught in this distress, I'm a
Deadly insane hurricane who wears a backless dress

I like to think I'm mysterious dark leave you delirious like a dream but I'm just a ****** up girl, not a French girl, just a girl with wide eyes on SSRIs who wishes she could do pills again so that she could fly and people tell me I look like a model- a model of what? Of what not to do in life? Of ******* yourself? Of how to
crumble like a $5 forever 21 highlighter in the sun and
play with guns and
have too much fun until
the crash hits and the cigarette's lit and the mania wears off and it's just me myself and I all alone at home thinking of the next girl or guy,
        I'm not a French girl- I'm a throw a wrench in it girl, I smell like stress sweat and unpaid rent and guerlain perfume that I can't afford and all I want is to drown because I'm so ******* bored with FEELING! LIKE! ****! take another hit in the self esteem, an indica dream and cry in the shower where they can't hear you scream, no brother no father just a deadbeat daughter with eyeliner that slaughters and way too many people who've been beating up on her

So this is what it's like to be loved