I want to tell him
that I’m scared,
that I’ve been here before.
And that the last time I felt potential like this it imploded;
I imploded.
But I don’t want to taint it,
You see I’m still hopeful
That maybe this time
Won’t end up laced with maybes,
Or what ifs,
Or open wounds pouring blood onto paper.
That maybe this time,
just won’t end.

I’ve not quite worked out whether I think it’s beautiful,
Or stupid -
The human capacity,
And pliancy,
And longing,
For love.

You say that I'm stupid.
Ignorant.
You yell at me constantly.
Just because I make mistakes,
Doesn't mean I'm an idiot.
I'm sick of it.
You say that I need better friends too.
Maybe the friend I need to replace is you.
You said you resent me.
Just because I smoke?
Well I told you I'd quit for you.
I haven't picked up a cigarette in a month.
Yet you still find reasons to *****.
You're bipolar.
That's what it is.
You flip out on me for new things all the time.
And I always fix what you ask me to.
But this time I'm done.
I'm done being you're friend.
I'll sit alone on the bus I guess.
I don't need you.
Go cry to you're internet girlfriend next time you need me.
Because I won't be there anymore.

Zig-zagging through the trees
She is running
Doesn't know why, or where, but she is
Then she stops
She looks around
There nothing there.
She begins to relax
But then the world starts to fade to black
And she starts to fall.

I need you to choose.
I refuse to keep living in her shadow.
You two aren't even together anymore.
She has a new boyfriend.
But still I have to fight for your attention.
It's ridiculous.
I have been at your side for three years.
You're like a brother to me now.
She hasn't been around that long.
Yet still, you choose her.
Every time.
It kills me inside.
I'm not going to keep waiting.
You need to choose.
Before you end up losing me.

When the sun goes down,
I think about you.
Your deep blue eyes.
Your smile that lights up a room.
The way you talked.
Your scent.
The way we were together.
When the sun goes down,
I dream about us.
Holding hands.
Hugging.
Kissing.
The way I felt in your arms.
How you said you loved me every day.
When the sun goes down,
I put all those memories to bed.
No more hugging.
No more smiles.
No more getting lost in your eyes.
I'll never again feel the safety of your arms.
Because the sun went down.
And I'm alone.
Again...

The sounds of the night.
They call out to me.
“Come this way,”
“We’ll set you free.”

Hoping for the best.
Preparing for the worst.
Filling out the test of life.
I’ll be the one to fail it first.