In this hell I see

I find my solitude

I call this home sweet home



In this dark imagination

I have my faith

even with an eternally closed door



Never been here before but I feel at home

this dark and warm oasis

where people eat one another, is comfort



Cause every day I walk this town

the darkest colors fill this dump

A speck of blue is kept me astray



I try to paint the world of grey

spit the orange purple green

but all they did is spill red blood



I just hope this black and white area

gets painted by a stroke of white

as we repaint everything and start over again

I don't deserve you, for the reason as follows

You are more than what I could have wished for

and you're too good to be true

if the sky is the limit for me

then you are the galaxy

in any way

one way or another

I don't see myself

Smiling beside you

or even holding your hand

It's funny that the woman of my dreams

Is not even present in my wildest imaginations

maybe it only means that

at the back of my mind, in my subconscious

you are just beyond my reach

Bridge bridge, I burn bridges
bridges burn when I burn bridges
no second thoughts when I burn bridges
I burn bridges

baby backbone is not a blessing
breaking, buckling mouth bubbling
being blissful is alarming
when you bumble words that breaking
hearts of people with words are blasting
boisterous big time opposite of blooming
relationships and hate is booming

List? yes I have a list
of all the people I dismissed
like a loser I have never missed
losing people that I left ******
I have issues.

people I ****** is a variety
white, black, yellow or pinkish
they are annoying and perfectish
some are perfect polish
some came from a weird fetish

so do not go near me, don't you dare
I cannot maintain things and always care
I change easily before you're aware
and put a hole in your heart that was never there

but some say I can be kind or smart
and lift your spirits and your heart
talk about science, music and art
put me together, I've always been apart

Scars have screamed the pain of past
as tattoos of ours are never calm
good thing no mark is left of a broken trust
if then my body is a scar realm
you are a fighter and a lover
that is why you deserve better

you deserve better than what if's and maybes
better than flowers and candies
you are beautiful no matter what you perceive
flowers and Christmas light looks nothing alike
and the praise they receive
is that they are both beautiful yet nothing alike

you deserve someone who sees
the world in your eyes
someone who see the future and disregard the past
not someone who is too invested in the present
not someone who just need a companion
someone afraid of relation
you deserve better than those who treat you like a bank
because banks have all of your money
yet they put string on their pen

you deserve someone who is invested
in you, emotionally and eternally interested
someone who wish to marry you
and not just make you a part
of a girl collection
never settle for less
nor someone unrest

Sometimes I wish
we are more than this
empty vessels looking for another
students desperately wanting summer

When waiting becomes a habit
it distracts you from the joys of present
going to school daily waiting for Saturday
and studying just to graduate

playing just to finish
and running just to stop
removes the joys of life
it is no other less than
living just to die

but to fall in love with you
is my own personal tragedy
I hope and pray and simply wait
wishing in 11:11 and
throwing quarters at wells

I hope that you are more than
my wishful thinking
and a blessing smoke
I hope at the end of the line
someone smiling will come
and awaits for an embrace

I hope your smiles are genuine
and so are your laughs
I hope my heart can get to you
as you will give me yours

But who am I kidding?
at this present tense I do none
I guess I can only enjoy the present
and hope the future
will be kind to me

Anxiously waiting
for your acceptance
or a great rejection
who knows?

this world is not kind
as it will give you more than
what you can handle
it will spit, punch and kick you in the face
for the reason it can

It will be a cycle of hate, yes
as you grow weary of the present
and romanticize the past
seeing no future ahead
you cry in screams of agony
or quietly shut yourself out

as the cycle goes
people will try to give the pain they have
and inflict them upon others
yes, this world has not been kind
but promise me
that you will not give that pain to anyone

let the cycle end in you

She's not your usual girl
Not one for your mind to twirl
Tho I speak as a hopeless one
Hoping my feelings begone
She's a fighter and a dancer
Yet serene and quieter
Than usual you meet nowadays
Her unique personality, my heart's a blaze
She is my game of chess
Where I'm king and queen less
I fight for a cause
Yet can only speak in prose
All the people around me I abhor
Yet she rose and I adore
The world's my oyster? I wish
I'm allergic to shellfish
Meaning I have other
Meaning my world is her
Cheesy as it sounds
It's what my heart pounds

There I saw a lovely gal

dancing and popping in every corner of the stage

she sang and hummed a lovely tune

like a nightingale serenading the moon



I saw her then and stand and gaze

it's only her, everything went haze

she walks on fire, that's why she's ablaze

Didn't show a sign of faze



but the day was young

and so was the years of ours

I thought it would be fair to her

to love her with my broken parts



So I stood and wait a thousand years

charging up, fighting these fears

and there I stood, prepared to race

to find out, someone took my place



here I put my silent grief

in a piece of paper or internet post

I weep as the chance I lost

was forever in the bliss of wind



Like the moon, without a sun I lost my light

Like a child, I seek comfort in a lullaby

So now I still adore from afar

as I lost the wish from my shooting star

I've faced my most terrifying fears
and let go of people I held dear
escaped in the brink of death
conquered sleep paralysis
rejected every stupid existing fad
left my ghosts from the past
passed my worst subjects and
passed everything
But I couldn't seem to handle
A SLOW INTERNET CONNECTION

I tell my problem
the operators just roll their eyes
more than a thousand peso every month
and freaking 1mbp/s everytime
I've never tasted the quick internet connection
but you can't say that this is okay
until you watch live stream online

Slow internet...
The lan is tough ahead
the rules of survival lags
the PC hangs
Can't you give us the quality we deserve
also no, to the Telepad
they're being greedy and they know it

Everyone thinks i'm just impatient
Just cause it's true
doesn't mean that it's right
so sit down on the desk
and open that PC
let me show you what it's like
to use a computer with
A SLOW INTERNET CONNECTION

the Youtube has never gave me a video with 720p
downloading movies takes forever to take
and the facebooks works like ****
but it goes fats when I restart
ain't nobody got time for that

Waiting might be the worlds hardest
what, when, why and is it worth it?
will be wondering in you wander mind
as whole white soul will
lose it's way
waiting is a work where you will
wreck what is you work for once

waiting will wilt when what you want
will be wasted as waving clock purely hasted
wondering where you wonder in the wind wake
as time woes and wither
wishing will widen your woe
as you weigh the wish if it is worth it
withdraw at once or witness your worst
wishing wishful thinking worsened wound
as we will come to our will
and will never wake
whatever will be the outcome
you will wonder what will be if you waited

wash your woes as you grow weary
wrap the wound your "world" inflict
wise we see who will retreat
who with the windowsill
will wait as the wallflower wilts

Water is a fascinating matter
as it is essential for life sustaining
It has most part of our body
and is present in every living thing
we can survive without food yet
die with no water
another feature of it
is that it cleans and cleanse
the most flexible thing in this world
yet has its dangers

Floods have killed and took some lives
as drowning to death is very painful
boiled water can burn your skin
and contaminated water can give you ailments
but in these features
I found out something

water alone is a fluid of life
but added with others
it becomes a monstrosity
so I don't know
I'm just thirsty

Appearing weak in front of someone
you wish to please
is not a scenario one wishes to face
You want to show how can you protect her
but being a human, one can only hold for long
As we will face defeat and burden
and one can only stand in the heat for long
however, to feel so vulnerable
in front of someone you wish to be yours
is to feel guilt and awe at the same time

It's like you want to give the world to her
but you can't even get a grip of your own
It's funny how being a human will be a reason
for you not to win another human

I never wanted for her to see me like this
grudged and displeased and in face of terror
I could not face her and lie
that I would not fall once more
for being an only human
I can succumb and crumble

For this as wolf I can only howl
at the full moon professing how
I will forever love it
despite in a million lifetimes
I could never reach it

As crimson blood flows at my feet
I fall as I only weep
that these fallen demise of mine
has been a bullet that backfired

In the end I'm still too weak
incapable of handling one's self
So who am I to face you ow
If today I couldn't handle
the pain I have

But I promise this to you
There will come a day when I will
sew my skin and glue my broken bones
and I will fix myself for you
I wish to love you when I'm completely healed
and not in this moment
where I am shattered and skinned