Look at me

Look at me when you kiss her
And look at me when you tell me that my arms are more than bed posts
That my lips are more than pillows for you to rest your head on tonight
Look at me

Look at me when you say that you'll stay for breakfast
That you'll stay for dinner
That you'll stay forever
Look at me

Look at me when your hands are on her hips
And you tell me that my lips
Look best with your name on them
Look at me

Look at me as if my arms were a masterpiece
That you've been dying to see
As if my mouth held more than poetry
It doesn't have to be pretty
Look at me

Look at me right now
And tell me that somehow
Somewhere
This air isn't so hard to breathe
Look at me

Look at me because you are the moon
And i'm just afraid to be
The next Apollo 13
Don't pity me, don't pity me
Look at me

Look at me like you're the street
And I am floor 103
You always wanted to be someones last kiss
This is it

Look at me

It's
bleeding rain,ripping through and
dripping out of the sky again
anyone got a
bandage?

this is not a poem. this is a plea. this is me begging you to hear me when i tell you that i love you. my voice is weak and shaking like the branches of a willow in the wind. my hands are trembling like tremors under the surface of the earth. my vision is so blurred that i can barely focus my eyes as i type. i can feel the impending collapse of my lungs as they are further crushed by the weight of all my anxieties. my strength is fading, but i'm still screaming for you, only you don't seem to hear me. i'm reaching for you but you won't take hold of my hand. i swear to god i'm trying with everything i have to hold you together, but i'm terrified it's not enough. the very thought of your nonexistence consumes me in a fear i have never known. i have never been good at telling people i need them, but i can tell you how vacant this world would be if you left it. everything would change. you can't come in to my life like you did and then just leave it with no warning. you can't do that to me. you can't tell me that you want to marry me and then try to disappear without so much as a goodbye. you just can't. so i don't mean to make you feel guilty, i just need you to understand. don't you know what it would do to me if you left? how many times are you going to almost-die before you realize i will never be the same if you do?

my darling,
you were my heaven -
hallowed be thy veins.
thy kingdom come, my affection won.
your love, though a hellfire, was heaven.
give me a chance to clear my head.
forgive me, for not recognizing
your voice among the masses,
as i forgive those who break my trust.
lead me not into isolation
but deliver me from myself.
for thine is the space
here in my ribcage
forever & ever.
amen.

- m.f.