why does living feel like not dying
why cant I survive
the razorblade that traced the rose on my skin
lay in the corner of the room
rusting
fading
dying
as my blood darkens
no pill, no high, can make me happy
what I want doesn't want me back
I've forgotten what I'm fighting for
maybe I don't need to fight anymore
who wrote this?
why did you make me a spectator
does your quill not find me worthy
written to love
and a barer of reason
do you want me to always be
in the side
weeping while they take her away from me
why do I lose everything that I try so hard to get
where is my happy ending ?
its time for you to put the pen down
and place your final period
for the ink in my heart is drying up.
and your running out of paper.

I wish I was an arrow
that soared through the skies
untainted with blood
and free from a grip
an arrow that was not used
to pierce other hearts
instead was a miss that just flew
I wish I was never crafted
I wish I was never in a quiver
I know that I will land
and be buried in an unmarked grave
and the high was never worth the plummet
but as the writer has written
the sharper the head
it will always strike down
and ****.
So I wish I was unwanted
the shame-giver to my wielder
a dud, a b*stard, a miss

why am I invisible
until there's smoke puffing from the end of the barrel
why am I hated when I am not in sight
how can people smile at me
and make me feel like it passes right through
why do people find me a burden
when all I wanted was a smile
I haven't outlived the experienced
but I can tell now
the world isn't spinning
its twisting.

Dawn was just a dream
Dusk was just a memory
my feet were buried in the sand
and my laughter was lost to the silence
the sea was calm
and the sky was clear
I heard only a ring
a concussion, a hit
I fell as I heard
the ringing got louder
what I was
why I laughed
I forgot

the sand that buried my feet
in ignorance now it chokes me dead!
I never screamed
cuz I never knew how
I just watched the usual crash
the whip, the foam, the salt, the return

My hands are paralyzed
my breath now short
the heat of the sun
still made me shiver
a wave that rode far now comes
to bury me now and return to the sea
to tell the tale of whim-less life
a barren seed
a lifeless core

As my teeth grit in sand
I can see but I cant observe
I know but I cant be sure
my jaws ache in salt
my eyes burn like acid
my death
was slow
but it was way too soon
I slept I wept
I died in my luck

Now I hear the voice of the angels
humming the merry tune
I think the gates are open now
so why isn't anyone here?

I feel a kiss against the salt of my lips
a tender but sweetness at last
eyes that withheld the world within
and a a smile that out-burned the sun

I smiled for the first time
I hugged her and laughed
my paralysis was now withdrawn
I knew her
but I never met her
I loved her
and she will know quite soon

she brushed my cheek
and I felt like a child once again
she kissed my forehead
whispered she loved me in my ear
I froze in the chill of euphoria
I am now in love
with the wind that embraced me
is this not love ?
I don't know
she slips through the forests
sets course to the unknown
here I sit laying still as other winds pass
no air seeping through my lips would I consider a kiss
So as I still my dream that arose from tall fires
She will roam the earth kissing strangers
who wont remember her
or love her as I do

The well I dwell in
Is beyond your rope
the pulley cannot bear my weight
no bucket reach me to send up my dreams
no receiver to read them anyway
As I linger in the depths that I chose not to be in
I hope that one day ill be found
to be carried in a carriage and not in a casket
is one out of the many I would dream
t'was sweeter than a candy the water I sink in
A pleasure that cost my life
time has made it salty
as the slumber approaches me soon
If I jumped I was stupid
If I was pushed I deserve to be here
but what if I was pulled
the journey now ends
and the roar will settle
and I will go into the night

I paint on a wall in my asylum
with an ink invisible
for those who lack vision
or for those who lack sight
only a mind cradled with loved
then thrown to shatter
A mind who thrives alone
yet yearns to love of another
can see what an invisible artist
can conjure alive
Do I dance in the shadows
so that nobody can see?
Or do I dance
for those who can see only at night
I cry not for the hearing
but for the deaf who may hear it
for hearts that'd been broken
and yet fixed another
They who shall find my lunacy an art
can appreciate my drawings on the wall of my asylum
with a sight bestowed by the insanity we then possess