WhatIHopeToFeel

WhatIHopeToFeel May 2019

People will break into the shell of your heart
Realise you have a gooey, chocolate centre
And then eat it all
And you think "we'll that's what's suppose to happen right?
That's cause they're loving me"
And then they leave
And leave you hollow
You put yourself together
Look presentable but your empty now
Nobody else will want you
But some day your chef will come to fill you up again

WhatIHopeToFeel May 2019

Sweet Dream Beautiful

I'm in a constant paradox where I
Want you to talk to me
So I can smile and
Make you smile
And know you're okay

And yet hoping you're asleep
And having blissful dreams
And are resting with that beautiful
Smile on your face

WhatIHopeToFeel May 2019

Untitled

Lying in bed
Thinking of you
And I'm the loneliest I've ever felt
Because I can't feel your arms
Wrapped around be
I'm suddenly sore without you

WhatIHopeToFeel May 2019

Holding On.

I wrote about you
But then I realised I didn't want anyone to read it
I wanted to keep my thoughts to myself
I don't need anyone else
Even you
Knowing that you've made me immensely happy
Made me want to live
Cause every now and then
I get the urge
To just end it
The thought of you is enough to keep me here
But this time I don't think it's enough
I don't think I can hold on
I don't think I want to
I don't have the energy anymore.

WhatIHopeToFeel Apr 2019

Please, Or I'll Cry.

Please stop
Please stop feeling useless
And like you're not worth anything
Please believe him when he says he loves you
In the same way you love him
Please allow yourself that confidence
That yes, you can be loved
But after a lifetime of lies
Of not being wanted
Of only being included by force of others
Because they didn't want you there and you didn't want to be there
But they want you here now
You want to be here now
So please
Rational mind leave her
And let her heart take over
Because when you start talking in a pessimistic (realistic) view
Then my heart aches
And I know I'm not worth his love
And that kills me.

WhatIHopeToFeel Apr 2019

I'm Sorry.

I'm so sorry
I'm sorry I'm not good a talking
That I've spent my whole life
Believing that if I say something
I'll get rejected and ridiculed.
I'm sorry I'm scared of meeting new people
Because if they're you're friends I want to know them
But my past experiences keep me from engaging
In case I ruin everything again
In case I break another friendship
I break someone else's trust.
I'm sorry I don't say I love you enough
Because I'm scared that one day you'll see I'm not worth it
And then all the "I love yous" will crush my heart.
I'm sorry when you bear your soul for me to see
That I can't form a sentence
Because I want to ease the pain
I want to be able to tell you how amazing you are
But my shyness and fear of people
Of getting close to someone
Has left me ill -equipped for helping you
For saying what's on my mind.
I'm sorry I can't tell you why I'm like this
Why I act like mean and distant and full if self doubt
When I know you just want me to be honest.
I'm sorry I can't tell you very time I've been hurt
Because what if you leave me when you see every scar
Not just on my skin but in me.
I'm sorry you have to deal with what others have done to me
And I'm sorry that you love me
That me crying over you hurts you
That you caring for me causes you pain
But I'll never leave you
So please if you can't stand this leave now
I won't blame you
But please don't
Don't leave me
I'm sorry
I'll try harder I promise
I'm so sorry.

WhatIHopeToFeel Apr 2019

Untitled

I love the sight of rain on a sad day.
You listen to the opposite of your feel good song
You listen to something with edge and feeling
Not a #1 hit.
You feel the warm water drip down you like sweat after seeing your lover.
And you take comfort in the familiar warmth
And you smile.
Then it hails but you're still not bothered
Because it's still warm
As long as the chill doesn't come then you're fine.
Then you take my hand
And nothing matters anymore.