paper skin and glowing hair
i breathe love like you breathe air
phantoms whisper in the dark
your voice is melodic like a lark
with every breath, you rise and fall
laying perfect like a porcelain doll
the moonlight dances on your skin
but the shadows taint it like a sin
your mouth is open, eyes are closed
you look like a model, but less posed
your hair's fanned out upon your bed
like a halo wrapped around your head
you drift to sleep; i'm wide awake
you don't know i'm yours to take
and despite your beauty in the night
i know that it will double in the light

tie me up or turn me loose
hang me by a fraying noose
you beat me and i take the blame
you commit the sin; i feel the shame.

you're not mine, but i am yours
sure, you're a ****, but i'm a *****
so i guess that means that we belong
i'm a caged bird; no voice, no song.

i spent life hoping for tomorrow
and now i'm drowning in your sorrow
you tie me up without a rope
you suffocate all sparks of hope
you keep me down without a chain
i've become numb to all your pain.

nowhere to run, nowhere to hide
you are always by my side
you let me burn and waste away
just because you don't want me to stray
but i won't leave, you know i can't
i'll just keep quiet while you rant.

i'm locked away with nothing left to do
despite all this, i still love you
there's nothing for you to rectify
just let me sleep, just let me die.

we stick to together as children
but die all alone
they say "it's okay to be different"
"just don't be a clone"
but they lied to me
and they'll lie to to you too
the world hates different
the world hates you

and isn't fun to live in a world
where nothing is what it seems
there are kids on the streets
begging just to get by
and kids safe asleep
who are praying to die

and they preach acceptance
then declare your sentence
and the punishment's usually death
not death to the body
but death to the soul
death to the spirit
not death to the whole

the world is cutthroat
and we're all out of hope
so stop making art
and rip out your heart
or they're gonna do it for you
buy a nice suit
and don't try to be cute
and soon you'll become
complacent and numb

don't you want me?* isn't that what you wrote?
the very same day you stuck your tongue down my throat?
no i don't want you. i thought in my head
but the look on your face made me freeze with dread
i was too scared to speak, let alone write
so i left the page blank, i left the page white
your pick-up lines sounded more like threats
not running away will forever be my biggest regret
and you mistook my silence for an invitation
it was my body on which you took out your frustrations

no.

i struggled against you, scared and alone
thoughts of your intentions chilled me to the bone
i shivered and cried and i wanted to scream
my fragile mind was falling apart at the seams
as much as i sobbed and called out for help
it seemed no one heard any of my yells
and you drove me to silence with one cruel look
and i shut my mouth while i wept and i shook
you left me ravaged and broken and as good as dead
but still i picked up the pieces and only looked straight ahead

no.

when i stumbled home late in the night
my parents exclaimed that i had filled them with fright
do you know what could have happened? was the question they asked
and god knows that i did, but i didn't feel like being harassed
so i kept myself quiet and let my light fade away
everywhere i went i felt like some predator's prey
i couldn't feel safe no matter where i went
until the day i learned that i wasn't broken; i was just bent
i learned to be tough by forcing myself to move on
i looked my reflection in the eye and told myself to be strong
i slowly but surely got past my constant state of woe
my only regret is not saying *no.

welcome to a world
where anorexia is the latest trend
my secrets are being unfurled
and being thin is more important than being a friend
food is the devil, and i think i'm in hell
nobody noticed how little i ate or how far i fell

welcome to a place
where bulimia is what's expected
words don't mean much without a pretty face
and being fat is worse than being rejected
skinny isn't an adjective; it's a life goal
your appearance is worth so much more than your soul

welcome to a universe
where self-hate is cute and self-harm even cuter
the word "food" is a terrible curse
we're more worried about our bodies than our futures
buying a knife is easier than talking it out
everyone's lost sight of what life should be about

it's time to say goodbye to this place, this world, this universe
i've got to get out of a place where my body is not something to love, but something to hate
i'll get out anyway that i can, whether it's in a plane or a hearse
i'm tired of being controlled by a scale, being manipulated by my very own weight
i need to escape before the images of perfection eat me alive
i have to stop thinking of myself as the enemy if i want to survive

look at me
don't walk away
why can't you see?
why can't you stay?

i'm begging, please
don't leave me here
i'm on my knees
don't you dare disappear

i love you so
don't you love me?
please don't you go
please don't you flee

why are you going
so far away?
you're always growing
and i'm always the same

so i guess it makes sense
you're better than me
i put up a good defense
and you're sick and tired of dodging debris

"i miss you" you say, but do you even know me?
we were friends for so long, but that's ancient history.
life's not about nostalgia or reliving our past,
it's all about now, moving forward and fast.
the moment is fleeting, so let's just move on,
i'll always love those green eyes and your favorite song,
but we've been holding on to those memories for way too long.

"i miss you" i say, as i think of all that we shared,
but what i really miss is having someone who cared.
i don't know who you are, our connection is gone
what we miss are the people we were before it went wrong.
i remember each tear that i shed and the lies that i told,
i remember that it was you who i used to hold,
and i remember that together we learned how to be bold.

"i love you" you said, but could you say that now?
do you remember the night in your bed when you made that vow?
you said we'd be friends forever, but that's a big word.
we still hadn't learned that you have to scream to be heard.
and we still shared everything, from secrets to food,
we whispered about your sister with the bad attitude,
we didn't know that within the year, our friendship would conclude.

"i love you" i said, and now i don't know who you are.
i miss the nights in your yard spent watching the stars.
you brought light to my life when i could only see dark,
i thought my fire was out, but you brought back my spark.
i tried to move on in every way that i knew,
but it's hard to forget the girl who helped you through,
i think that some part of me will always love you.

we've said our goodbyes again and again,
but it's so hard to let go of your very best friend.
you taught me the meaning of having a family,
and taught me about love beneath an oak tree.
we were just kids, had no idea of the aftermath of our actions,
we forged a friendship full of unnecessary attachments,
but now we have to grow up, there's no room for distractions.

"just try to move on" you whispered, leaving me in the dust,
"i don't know if i can" i said, "you're the only one i can trust."
but you left anyways, and now i know that it's not your fault;
we did what we could, but our love was brought to a halt.
so i'm taking your advice, i'm moving on,
everything that we shared is suddenly gone,
i shed my last tears over you last night in your old lawn.

"i love you" you said, and i know that you meant it.
"i miss you" you said, and i'll never forget it.
you've left your fair share of scars on my broken heart,
but now that i've let myself cry, the healing can start.
you never meant to do me any harm,
but oh, how i miss your smiles and charm,
and i still can remember being wrapped in your arms.

no words that i write can ever compare,
i'll always remember everything that we've shared.
but it's been a few years, and now i have to say goodbye,
there's no point holding on to our song and your green eyes.
i promise i'll keep every secret you spoke,
and i'll keep on laughing at all of our jokes,
so i guess this is goodbye to you and our summers under that oak.