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AJ Nov 2013
well i'm not good at math, so i guess i'm not smart
and i don't care about you, so i don't have a heart
your perception is off, but what else would you expect
from a person who tries to simplify all that is complex
like race and gender, it's not like you think, it's not set in stone
and the stereotypes that you speak chill me to the bone
"not be racist but" is not a way to start a sentence
there's no "buts" in racism, could you show some repentance?
well, not to be racist, but white people are *****
and not to be sexist, but all men are ******
and i'm getting tired of all of your ignorance
how does it feel to be full of intolerance?
you see the world through one narrow view
has anyone told you that you haven't got a clue?
you can't put people in boxes, we are so much more
we're filled with infinities that simply won't fit in a drawer
each mind is a galaxy, well, i guess maybe not yours
and you're so afraid of what you don't know
so get out of this world, i think it's time you go
because no one likes racists, *******, or jerks
being a ******* won't get you any perks
it's about the heart, not about the face
we're all a part of one single human race.
AJ Nov 2013
they say "hell is empty and the devils are here"
i guess then it makes sense, that at night i see all of my deepest fears
the ghouls and the ghosts and the demons are real
they come to live in the minds of men who can't feel
they inhabit the bodies of bosses who fuel corporate greed
they're bloodthirsty animals, just desperate to feed
they feed on your hope until there is nothing left
your colours get erased and they leave you bereft
and when you find that your life has dulled to a gray
maybe you'll realize that you have nothing to say
because you're just like the rest, you've become a clone
you're nothing more than a corporate american drone
my biggest fear is that this will happen to me
i'm petrified of the soulless shell i could come to be
so try as i might, and try as i may
i'll do what i want, no, i won't obey
i'm going to live by my very own laws
i'll fight to the end, and stay true to our cause
i refuse to be like my mom, striving for perfection
my every last thought will show through my own reflection
i won't be a slave to your american dream
i'll be myself, even if i have to scream
AJ Oct 2013
my hands were trembling, tears rushing down my face as i reached for a pen
i was leaving in the morning, i had to write my feelings before then
when people **** themselves they leave letters of beautiful words that they wrote
so i guess you could consider this very poem to be my suicide note

now mom please don't cry, and don't take the blame
it's not your fault that i was in so much pain
and hey grandma, listen, despite all my hate,
i promise that you're not the cause of my terrible fate
and brother, i love you, you were always so sweet
i hope you have a daughter to treat the way you treated me
michelle and kaylynne, you've always been there
you were more than my cousins, you always showed me you cared
and marissa, my dear, you were there 'til the end
you showed me the very meaning of being a friend
sweet little marie, please don't you dare cry
and can you promise me that you'll never do this, you'll never try?
and heather, i know you've been through this before
i'm sorry i couldn't show you how much you were adored
and ellie, my sweet, you helped my heart to heal
but i have to leave you, there's just too much i can't feel
oh god, my qynn, this one is the worst
what we had was magic, but i guess i was cursed
and alex, man, you'd better take care of our girl
please try to show her how much more there is to this world

writing this poem made me feel that maybe i didn't want to die
but it was too late, i'd made my decision, i'd made up my mind
this was never just about me, no, it's so much bigger
my whole body was shaking, as i reached for the trigger
and sure part of me still wanted to live
but i was tired and spent and had nothing left to give
my mind was made up, life just kept getting harder and harder
at least this way, i could die like a martyr
thought i couldn't make it, i hope th rest of you do
i hope you that i'm sorry, i hope you know i love you

i slammed down the notebook, i wiped away my tears
then it was time to face all my fears
i wrote down my "sorry"'s and decided to die
then i lifted the gun and let it kiss me goodbye
(this is not a real suicide note, this was inspired by the letters i wrote before attempting suicide in may of 2012)
AJ Oct 2013
you don't know you're brilliant
you don't know you're great
you're like an antidepressant
i think our meeting was fate
because you calm me down
you give me something to live for
you won't let me drown
with you i'm not sad anymore
but sometimes i am
not because i'm alone
but because i'm so close
to someone i long to embrace
so i sit alone, and begin to compose
poems that may show you the beauty that goes
so far beyond your unhappy face
i love you,
i want you,
but you'll never love me
i guess that's okay,
as long as you stay
all i want is to show you
how much you're worth
i think you just might be
the best thing on earth
so stick around for a while
we'll have some fun
and maybe you'll start to smile
while i become undone
AJ Oct 2013
once upon a time, in a land far away
in a big stone tower, where a princess lay
there was magic in the air, but sadness in her heart
as she waited for the day that her life could start
because everyone knows a princess is nothing without a man
but she got tired of waiting, so one day, she ran.
she hurried away through the forest that night,
planning her life as she stood by the moon's light.
but as the village woke up the next day at dawn
the king of the land found that his princess was gone.
he was pale and sick, the news was too hard to swallow,
how can a girl live without a man's orders to follow?
but the princess was fine camping out in the woods,
she knew she could show them that girls can do some good.
she had spent her life dreaming of princes with elegant smiles,
but as she wept and she waited, she starting thinking that princes were vile.
and now she doesn't need a prince's beauty or charm
because she know that men will do nothing but harm.
but back at the castle, the king sobbed and he shook,
and he told his knights to go find his daughter, to have one more look.
the knights searched and they scoured for what seemed like forever,
but they couldn't find the girl, no, she was just too clever.
the princess moved on, she wanted to travel,
as her kingdom back home began to unravel.
all the girls realized, they could be anything they tried to be
they said, "if the princess can do it, why can't we?"
and the men cried out, "what do we do with these *******?"
without the women around, the kingdom was falling apart at the stitches.
but the girls didn't care, they left, and filled their lives with laughter.
and this, my friends, is the real happily ever after.
AJ Oct 2013
just decades ago, in far off world
in big white house, sat a little girl.
she lay in the corner of her room without a care
because this little girl had dreams to spare.
she laid on her bed, with her nose in a book
she had thousands of adventures in that little nook.
until one day, an arrow shot her right off of her cloud
she had to learn to grow up, and fit in with the crowd.
she traded her books for lipstick and blush.
she took out her ponytail and got a new brush.
she had to learn to be pretty, it's not about brains.
if you want to be heard, you'd better be vain.
if you don't look perfect, than no one cares about you,
if you're not pretty, then you won't make it through.
so take off your glasses, and drop all of your classes;
men don't care about brains, they care about *****.
you're meant to be a housewife, what else is there to do?
get with the program, why mess with their view?

but the girl wasn't done, she wasn't going without fight
though the world had hit her, she still had some bite.
why can't you both pretty and smart,
still be kind, and speak from the heart?
but the world said "no!"; and it's hard to rebel
when the world is trying to silence all of your yells.
but she kept on marching, she was determined to win
with a smirk on her face, she was ready for it begin.
armed with a dress and a large stack of books
she spread the word that it wasn't all about looks.

the world called her bitter and ****** and mean
apparently "feminist" is the worst thing you can be.
she stood up to them, and challenged their norms.
she told all the girls, they didn't have to conform.
she told them they could be what ever they wanted
but she knew that the girls would still be haunted
by the judgmental world she knew too well
could they make a change? only time would tell

though she tried her hardest to win the battle
there are still times when women are treated like cattle.
and we're still not equal, not in work, not in pay
i just keep praying that it'll get better someday.
but praying won't help, if we don't do our part
we've got to keep fighting, we've got be smart.
we can't let these men keep making the laws
we've got to start a revolution, and be true to the cause.

but still it's so hard, and i'm just so tired
when will women start to be admired?
and i am too young to feel this ******
but women's rights have been put on a waiting list.
there's so many things that i'm fighting to change
but the harder i fight, the more people find me strange.
but why is it strange to want equal rights?
i want to save myself, i don't need a white knight.

there's so much to do, we've got so far to go
and there's so many things that i just don't know.
but listen, little girl, don't you fret
because i promise you, our story isn't over yet.
AJ Oct 2013
rest little soldier, lay down your sword
let me show you just how much you're adored
come now sweet warrior, put down the knife
maybe in the morning, you won't want to end your life
take a seat my dark-eyed rebel, it's time to give up the fight
i know it's dark now, but soon will come the morning light
take a sit my dear champion, let me hold you close
what you need is a hug, not an overdose
so lean on me my hero, i'll be here to guide you
just focus on getting stronger, and let me help you through
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