I woke up today...thats good I guess.
I also thought of him I was still able to to breathe and stay calm...hes the drug and I'm the addict...nothing special about a drug same thing as a human,but I'm addicted.just a smell,touch,feel,or a kiss and I'm good.

Lately been feeling a little less,care a little less,see a little less,talk a little less,eat a little less...sinking again

What a shame how such attachment
Can cause such damage....

i wrote on my skin again, i knew one day ill end there again. why do i do it, all these emotions feel like bubbles overflowing inside me and i cant breathe, and i panic. so i begin to open an opening slowly the bubbles begin to deflate.

It hurts,is there ever a time when one day you can't feel anything. But they say its better to feel something than nothing. Have you ever felt that. When  your numb and your just there cause your not sure what to do. Yup all the ****** time, and i contemplate all the time when im there running my fingers down my thighs. Ouch, i feel it, I feel the pain that was confusing me inside my heart and mind. It's warm dripping from my thighs. I guess there the tears that are supposed to be falling from my eyes, but there not. At least i can say I felt agian.

How can you forget something that once made you happy. You made me feel so much,so much that it made me feel human. But now all I feel is pain,hurt,hopeless. Have you ever felt this before. What do I do. I'm lost,so lost. I'm going to lose myself to the darkness in my mind. Parts of me are numb already I'm almost there. All i need is a touch or words because I'm drowning now,and your there watching. If I breathe agian it's all up to you.

I'm moving on well trying.its harder to do than think.i loved to much now I'm hurting to much.im tired of waiting for nothing to happen.you had cut me so deep,deeper then the cuts I gave myself.the difference is that I don't know how to heal from yours.

I love you...i guess you loved me.
Now I'm hurting....and your parting
I'm hurt you don't care
I got attached...you detached
I'm cutting...you don't know cause your out there living.
You go to sleep fine...i go to sleep crying.
I'm still in love..you found a new love.

I'm outside,its cold but not as cold as you.you were the Prince charming who thought I was a darling.its cold,I'm freezing now but not as cold on the day everything froze...everything.your words they touch me,they touched my skin.they burned a little to,why....i know I'll be playing with fire agian soon.the wind is blowing hard now.i don't know if I can last,I don't know if this will last

I asked "why do you lie"...
He said"i dont"...
"But you tell me you love me when you dont"...

"I love you"..its a lie
"You have beautiful eyes",
         It's a trap..
"With me you'll see the world"....another Lie

Who am i...no one
As i pass by even with a quick glimps I'm discusted of what i see...
As I stand there and stare..
My burden thoughts begin..
I see curls that are wild and free...
I see big brown eyes with a frame of glasses...
I see pink lips...
I see a figure of a size thats not fair...
I see pale skin...
I see legs that just want to run to feel free...
I look up agian to see who am i...
I am someone who i wish not to be...
Now in bed putting my burden thoughts to sleep

Please tell me why you got close....
Please tell me why i was who you choosed....
Please tell me why you kissed me that day....
Please tell me why you said you wont ever leave me that day....
Please tell me why what I'm scared of most is happening today....
Please tell me why my whole life was going to disappear today....
Please tell me why your hurting me today....
Please tell me why you dont try understanding me....
Please tell me why you said you wanted a family....
Please tell me why its all not a lie....
Please tell me why...

TELL ME....HOW DOES IT FEEL TO LOVE YOURSELF...TO NOT WORRY ABOUT SOMEONE SHOWING YOU TO LOVE YOURSELF BUT DOING IT ON YOUR OWN....
TELL ME HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE AT PEACE...
TELL ME HOW IS IT TO LOOK AT YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR AND NOT BE ASHAMED OF WHO YOU ARE, TELL ME....
WILL I EVER KNOW ?
TELL ME WILL A BROKEN SOUL EVER FEEL WHOLE?...
WILL I EVER GAIN SOME SELF CONTROL?, MY HAND IS AT MY THROAT....
TELL ME WILL MY BROKEN SOUL EVER FIND A HOME,IN MY MIND THATS DARK AND COLD....
TELL ME HOW CAN I LEAVE IF THERES NO WAY OUT...
TELL ME HOW CAN I LOVE SOMEONE LIKE ME....

Tired to tired..
Tired to move..
Tired to feel..
Just tired.......

Love is such a powerful feeling...it tortures you whether good or bad...
When bad you lose all sense of yourself and mind...
When good same as well...
The difference is can you go through with its painful ups and downs..

it was right,it felt right
right enough to bring warmth to the center of my soul.
it was new,felt new
a new I've never felt before.
it was you...
a soon that was to soon
to soon to thought I knew you.
no other to blame but I whom fell to soon.
a fool who's always to soon,nothings ever new.
silly to think it was right,just because it felt right.
soon is always to soon,dont be a fool whom thought they knew.

If I give you my trust...
You promise you wont let it rust...

It's getting dark agian.its always dark here.im sinking,I'm slowly not breathing but,im trying.i feel the water in my throat,I'm chocking trying to breathe.one breath,one blink.one more breath,its blurry now.its dark I see the stars.there coming together now, but I'm still not free.

What if one day we don't hurt
What if one day we won't cry
What if one day everything was fine for once
What if...
What if one day we can say I'm okay

I'm sitting here thinking whether I should write on paper or skin.
Either way ill still cry and feel the pain.
Honestly I don't want to make a mess, so I would rather find a pen.