I once had a crush on my RA
But he’ll never read this so it’s okay;

While I was chasing boys around
I was lost, but you I found

Sitting, waiting with your base
A royal flush, a straight, an ace

But I was a dumb and silly dame
For that I have myself to blame

You would listen, me an open book
But I was too distracted to give a closer look

And now you’ve left for home, some desert somewhere
And I’m alone with this regret I bare.

I listen to Mayer and think of you
A missed opportunity, a wound still new.

My thoughts are in a constant battle
Contained in my mind like herded cattle

Today: Pants too big, here a reward
Tomorrow: Too tight, food I can't afford

My face, a canvas blank and pristine
Tomorrow: Broken, raw, unclean

Today you are pretty and likable, new
Tomorrow not so, compliments few

Charting how I love myself every minute
Cheated out of the present, I’m not fully in it

How shallow, how wrong, I scold to my reflection
How honest, how right, undeserving of affection

These two thoughts always loud in my ears
One builds me up, one adds to my fears

Neither one wins, or so far it's a tie
My lifetime puzzle, two truths and a lie

I’m caught in this trap of a clynical depression
Some call it  disease but I call it an infection

What if you woke up with a cloud above your head?
Your cells are alive but you’re wishing that you’re dead

And you can feel it coming like a train on a track
But your standing on the third rail with no looking back

There’s no Christian Bale to save you, in some high tech masquerade
This is real life, you’re the hero , no such thing as “ foreign aid”


So  you sit down on the track and you take out a book
Just sit and relax , both ways don’t even get a look

Just waiting for the first hit, there is no sliver of hope
“In this corner weighing in at….!”, here comes the rope a dope

This song is like my side chick
With a beat that is mad thick
And a melody like magic
Feelin so high, I’m dope sick
A three in one, a hat trick

So you better watch your ****
And listen to the clock tick

Cuz she’s taken watch your back
A Liam Neeson sneak attack

Its just me and her alone
Don’t get this **** over blown
Not Iraq, no battle zone

This thing is a party, but its also a date
Got one thing on my mind and it’s already late.

I ran a red light today
Nine in my belt
one thing on my mind
but I don't know how it felt

a mission is the vision
ain't a thing in my way
I'm gonna make a killin
or a *****'s dyin today

Don't even try to save me
don't forgive me Lord
I know exactly what I'm doin
and I don't need your help

this color on my hands is got me cryin for God
but I know he will forsake me just for killin my dog

I haven't missed a day in the life
but I know how it goes
when your friend is your wife
you go out to dinner
you do all these things
you won't leave her hanging
when your chicken is wings

I used to dream of romance
A musical, a trance
Hand holding hand
Sounds of a band
An old fashioned sway
The 50's way
A blouse and a skirt
An innocent flirt
A bid farewell
I'm under your spell

But reality hits like a slap to the face
It's really a club with the bump of a bass
Its really a see- through low cut crop
Less of a dance hall and more of a shop
A drink is my price, or so you think
But you're kinda cute so I give you a wink
I turn around to see, but it's already gone
Romance has left the building and I start to yawn
You barely know my name and already want more
What will they call me tonight, a "*****" or a "*****"?

The cab beeps
and I yell "Peace!"
"What's up?!" you yell
I think, " my lease"