I'm still 17.

Are ages really that important when the same thing you have wanted since you were real little still hasn’t come into your life?

It seems dumb because I’ve had opportunities, I think
Like at the dive bar, when he gave me a drink
Or shouted, “ *******” from the seat of a car
When I didn’t want to go home after the bar
Or texted," Come by! Watch movies, and chill!"
But I didn’t answer cuz I’m not on the pill
Is this how you start dating?
Is this what you do?
I kind of hate it
But that’s how we made it

She wore their relationship like an old noose, but she liked the heaviness.

if only they could see these words dripping down my face
like a GirlCovered in black mascara tears

if only they could hear me cry, muffled in the stall
like a running faucet with no where to go.

if only they could taste the blood on my lips,
like the deepest wine stain from a bottle, wasted

if only they could smell those memories I drag with me
like overflowing "***** laundry"

Then maybe they could finally toss that old float in the water
and pull me out

So you tell me it's not normal
To stare from high places
Down at gray pavement
    and think
What a comfortable mattress...

I wanna go back to my girls, my clique
My number one team, my winning pick

Young, wild, and free we're the kings of Queens
Cuz **** sexist *******, not defined by our genes

I miss laughs and long nights and soda bottles of *****
Freezing, but hot in our high heeled shoes

Dancing on tables and counters and bars
Getting home late, looking up at the stars

We are so weird and so lost, but in each other we're found
Not just college friends, sisters; eternally bound

I wanted to hug, you wanted to hide
I wanted excitement, from that you shied

I like loud, silly, always wanting more
You like quiet, sarcasm, contemplative to the core

Most older, are bolder
But you followed the rules

I followed behind
Tried to fill some big shoes

Now you try to hug and to me its feels weird
To have love from a sister, a friend I once feared.

You are still a mystery, so many things I don't know
But I hope over time, those parts you will show

Please know you can trust me, I love you so much
The sister I longed for, who rejected my touch

Look at us now, friends at last
I'm sorry if I hurt you, I’m sorry for the past

I only want the best for you and I’m truly so proud
Of this sister of mine, whose voice has grown loud.

Whose planning is immaculate and time management too
Who is teaching me so much, whose friendship is true

Who makes me laugh with just a look
Who has become an accomplished cook

Who has taken my hand in the figurative sense
Who is honest and open and gives her two cents

Who says, "I love you" in different ways,
in manicures and t-shirts and beach days

I applaud you my sister, for you have grown tall
In so many ways and I love them all.