The world as we know it is in a transition. Yet so many of us, in my opinion, still want to close their eyes to it. I mean, who wouldn't? People are sick and dying, the world is tense and fights are common phenomenon.

I, however, believe in people. I think we have tricked ourselves into thinking that its out of our hands, none of this can be prevented, its impossible. Many people want to believe this is so, but i am a firm believer in believing that the tragedies that we face is still within our choices. That even though tragedy that someone else has inflicted upon us happened, we still have a choice to live. We still have a choice to learn. We still have a choice.

People will probably call this an ignorant way of thinking. Its naive, its stupid, thats not how the world works. However, is it? Who are we to define a world as that? If a world was truly evil, would we have compassion? Would we have love? Would we even be fighting in the first place?

I believe in a future where people can work together. I truly do because if it isnt so, what are we doing all of this for? There are some cruel people out there, fake people who will stab your back, and liars. However, ive seen honest people, ive seen hardworkers despite their own demons, and ive seen good people.

If option 1 and option 2 stink, can we not create our own option 3? We can either keep creating our self fulfilling tragedy, be stuck in a loop of sorrow and regret, be stuck in a cycle of hatred and sorrow. We can get lost in in empty happiness, unfulfilling promises, a life of comfort and avoidance of our own problems.

Or we can create a place where our problems are acknowledged and worked on. Where we still try to learn new things and win/fail on the way. Where when we need a place to breathe, we can while times we need someone, they are there. Its a messy, a naive, a stupid place. Where success isnt even guaranteed but fulfilling when we get there. Where failure stings but doesnt hold us down. Where we love each other, we care for each other, we support each other. Where instead of thinking what can i gain, its more of what can i do now.
A naive future.
A fantasy.
But a future nonetheless.

My soul is clawing me up inside.
    Yet i still strive.
My soul wears away with time.
       Yet i still strive.
My mind screams at me like a warden to its prisoner.
         Yet i still strive.
My surroundings cage me like prey within a venus fly trap.
           Yet i still strive.
The fire in my heart roars and dies but never balances as it sears me alive.
             Yet i still strive.
I can feel my shoulders crumble from the weight of expectations slowly crushing me.
               Yet i still strive.
I can feel my vision of bright skies and bright futures fade.
                 Yet i still strive.
I can feel my throat close in on itself, forcing me to watch my relationships from afar.
                     Yet i still strive.
I can feel the eyes on me, watching me, waiting for me to fall.
                        Yet i still strive.
I can hear death tempting me with his sweet lullaby of everlasting peace.
                          Yet i still strive.
I can hear the echoes of my past calling my name, screaming my worth.
                              Yet i still strive.
I can taste the tears of all my sorrow, the salt bitter and sad.
                                 Yet i still strive.
I can see the shadows of my former self, hating me.
                                   Yet i still strive.
I can see her point her finger at me and ask, "why do you even try?"

I answered, "because i know that I'll get by."
For the people who care for me,
For the times that i have suffered,
For my happiness,
                                                      I'll strive.

I am filled with a hatred,
A constant stream of negative thoughts drown my head.

I am suffocating under the weight of my loathing,
A river of pain where im floating.

I feel as if I'm cursed,
The happiness and love from others feels rehearsed.

I am a doll of broken dreams,
Empty and falling apart at the seams.

I am hanging by a thread everyday,
Walking a thin rope to avoid all this pain.

I stare into the distance within a shelter of myself,
Never moving as i hide in my shell.

There are good days,
I hate that I'm numb on a very great day.

I'm either numb or in pain,
The happiness comes as frequent as a desert's rain.

Maybe im selfish,
Maybe im just helpless.

I get swallowed in fear when talking to people,
My thoughts dealing hits blow after blow.

I can't tell people that i love my feelings,
They'll just say it's nothing.

I'm suffocating inside myself,
The things I love doing doesn't help.

What's going on with me?
That question is only answered in theories.

If I go,
They'll know.

I can't take the pity,
I don't want their fury.

I hate it!
I hate all this ****!

I hate it
Hate it

Hate
Hate
Hate
Hate...

I hate feeling like this,
I want a way out of this
I want to be free of this hell,

I want to love myself.

That small town girl truly is living in a  lonely world.
That city boy knows what troubles the girl,
Doing nothing,
Seeing her sanity rotting.
He says dont stop believing,
Dont stop achieving.
The girl can no longer hear his words,
They repeat over and over,
Not changing a thing.
What she wouldn't give to change everything?
He keeps saying that useless line like his life depended on it,
She was so sick of it.
She can't breathe,
She can't sleep.
She feels like she's falling into a pit,
A useless and empty pit of meaningless ****.
She can't hear those words anymore,
She has already passed that door.
She's gone now,
Leaving behind a dark cloud.
There is the city boy again,
Mourning his friend.
It's just a city boy in a lonely world.
A truly hopeless lonely world.

I can feel the fear inside me consume me,
Taking away all that i could be.
I can feel my heart pulse,
All good feelings come to a halt.
I can feel my breathing become unsteady,
My lungs feel so heavy.
Panic, fear, and fright,
All swarm and conquer day and night.
How i wish i didnt feel this way,
How i wish it would go away.
I clutch the blankets as i try to steady myself,
Trying to be my old self.
Im not strong enough,
Its never enough.
Im losing sight of my happiness,
I can feel my body wear away from stress.
Its wears you away,
How i hope i feel better one day.
Why cant it leave?
Why does this happen to me?
Fear of people and i cant seem to trust,
I feel it tarnishing me like rust.
Im fading,
Im failing.
So much emotions,
And i dont know any of them.
Why am i this way?
What are they?

**** feeling beautiful from one person. **** feeling beauty from the presence of a person. Ladies and gentlemen, go love yourself. Don't depend on a stupid other being to love you. Want to know why? Because that supposed person that makes you feel beautiful can ******* tear down your walls and creep into your heart. That ****** will call you beautiful, they will make you feel so good about yourself and then they will ******* take it away from you. One minute you're beautiful and the next, you feel so ******* ugly because they put you there. They had some much power over you and they used it to hurt you. Don't go for someone who makes you feel beautiful. Don't give them that ******* power over you. It only takes a stupid action and word to destroy all the progress that you made for your self esteem. Don't depend on someone to make you feel beautiful, you ******* are! You're beautiful and just amazing. Love yourself. Because there are people who ******* want to hurt you for being amazing.

Where are they now?
Where are my friends?
Everyday I contemplate what, why and how,
However they're not here in the end.

I miss them,
I wonder if they miss me.
Are they really my friends?
Do they think about me?

I worry about them,
Are they ok?
I wonder if I was a good friend.
What if they weren't ok?

I wonder if I did anything wrong,
Were they annoyed by me?
Did I annoy them all along?
Do they know how much they mean to me?

Don't they know how much I hurt?
Don't they know how much I needed their comfort?
Where were they when I needed them?
Weren't they supposed to be my friends?

Where are they now?
I don't know when, I don't know how.
I know only one thing,
I care about them despite everything.

To my friends,
Go ahead and leave.
I don't care in the end,
I only want you to be happy.

Even if I get hurt,
I don't need the comfort.
Even if it's painful,
I don't care about it all.

I love you guys more than anything,
I don't want you to be unhappy.
Even if leave me after everything,
I won't stand in the way of your happiness.

She is a woman,
Just another human.
She is a broken,
Her true feelings are never spoken.
She is struggling,
There's so many things that she's juggling.
She is different,
An odd one, almost transparent.
She is intelligent,
An excellent student.
She is scared,
The world is something she feared.
She is a lover,
Caring, protective like a mother.
She is a dreamer,
Dreams full of clouds and streamers.
She is a wall of hope,
Opening up peoples minds to different scopes.
She is a constructor,
Building people up after they got torn down by destroyers.
She is a mystery,
Shrouded and hidden is her misery.
She is a messenger,
Preaching messages and a faith deliverer.
She is needed,
Her limits are always exceeded.
She is open minded,
No soul was ever so kind and kindred.
She is someone who no one sees,
Always forgotten when people leave.
She is a forgiver,
Always ready to forgive.
She is hard as stone,
Because in the end, she was always alone.
She is...
She is......
She is strong,
Even when the world treats her wrong.
She is....
She is......

Shadows of the past haunt me,
Consume me.
Your words killing me,
Oh so **** softly.
I lay upon the ***** floor and let you take my soul,
Within my heart, you created a dark hole.
I held onto myself and cried,
These years, I've watched myself die.
The pain that followed me everywhere,
I couldn't find you anywhere.
You had abandoned me,
You had left when I needed you mostly.
I cried as I held onto the remains of our memories,
It was always the same story.
I let you control me,
Hurt me and twist me.
I let you violate the purity of my soul and body,
I even abandoned everybody.
The torture and regrets of the past come back and **** me,
Oh how I wished to be free.
My once strong will now begins to falter and fade,
I am thrown back into my former cage.
I look to you screaming and crying on the inside,
You continued to lie through your eyes.
They were my undoing,
You were my undoing.
I have resorted myself to sneaking around,
I have resorted myself to being your concubine instead of your queen with her crown.
Though you never cheated on me with anyone physically,
You abandoned me emotionally.
The death of my character was set in stone,
My sins are something I wish to atone.
We had problems,
Yet we never solved them.
The utter betrayal I felt when I see you fixing another girls troubles,
The utter hurt when you defended her doubled.
You had chosen her over me,
Put her before your future family.
You had asked me to be your wife,
You said it was with me you wanted to spend your entire life.
Then you chose her over me,
It broke me.
Consumed me.
Destroyed me.
You chose her problems to fix, chose her over us,
Destroyed us.
You cared about her more,
What was I? Your stupid little *****?
Yet I forgave and kept being strong,
Afterwards everything went wrong.
I broke down and cried,
I saw the remains of my past self die.
As our friends look upon me with worry,
I couldn't help but feel fury.
I was gone,
My hope, my will, and who I was were gone.
The shadows of my past destroyed me,
I had nothing.
Now all there is is emptiness,
Hopelessness.
Nothingness......
I have become nothing.

Do you ever get lost in your depression
      Lost in your obsession?
Do you ever just want to stop being strong
        Even when you're the one who's wrong?
Do you ever just want to cry
        And just die?
Do you ever just want to escape from reality
         Even when all you've ever wanted was to be happy?
Do you ever just want to leave
         Let everyone be?
Do you ever just wonder if you are not making a mistake
       Still feeling like ***** up anyways?
Do you ever just wished you were as beautiful as the people you admire
         Never left undesired?
Do you ever just wish you could be better
          But you can't and it doesn't even matter?
Do you ever just wish you weren't yourself
          Not unhappy, not undesirable, not in need of any help?

Don't you ever just wish to be free?

From sea to shining sea,
The land of the free.
It's America, so beautiful,
So so wonderful.
Where mothers and fathers divorce over petty thing,
Where the gang life is a supported thing.
The kids are over stressed with the standardized tests,
As if cyber and real life bullying doesn't exist.
Where tales of heroes get trampled by movie stars,
Where beauty for women leave them to starve.
Where the round plump adults use fad diets,
A congress fillled with big fat liars.
Education is stressed but no jobs available,
Where real political and social issues are swept under the table.
Scandals get shame,
Pornstars bask in fame.
Where love only matters if it's between a man and woman,
Where no one cares about no one.
So many measly votes don't even count,
Where rumors get around.
Kids want to be gangsters and pimps,
They cuss and go about unpunished.
Where corrupt corporations rules us all,
We watch as poor families fall.
Everybody is homeless,
Everybody is jobless.
We're drowning in debt caused by our own selves,
Don't forget the government's debt as well.
Where women sexually assault and abuse just the same as any man,
Where PTSD sufferers hide as much as they can.
Where people are pill poppers from all the chaos and insanity,
Where people suffer with their own vanity.
Where writers and artists die slowly from the culture,
Where everybody seems to be starved vultures.
You're a citizen for sure so long as you're an Anglo man,
Senior citizens no longer counts as human.
Where people don't love anymore,
Where there are no committed relationships anymore.
Where friends stab each other in the back,
Where everybody has their own plans.
Where people can sleep around with everybody,
It's one big giant ****.
Where everyone comes from a broken home,
Where everyone is glued to their phones.
Where Tattooed people aren't even real people,
Don't even get me started on transvestite and homosexuals.
Where people in churches don't even follow their religion,
Sometimes they are the ones who commit the most sin.
Where everyone who's different and walks away from the majority,
They are seen as freaks.
Oh America, so beautiful and sweet,
Done from your polluted oceans to your ***** streets.
Where your trees die and become furniture or get wasted,
Where everywhere is overpopulated.
Your roads always full of cars full of anger,
Your air is so polluted everywhere.
Your constitution is changed so many times,
Where your laws never changed completely to suit the times.
Your female citizens ******' are controlled by old ideals and white corrupted men,
Who are over voted and over represented.
You're swimming in debt in the trillions worth,
There's so much pollution in the earth.
Oh America you are taunted and seen as fools around the world,
Yet you stay together dear sweet girl.
Oh America let's not forget the good in you,
Don't be so blue.
You have people who love you,
People who would fight for you.
You proved the world wrong in so many scenarios back then,
You've been several friends.
We forget that you were created off the sweat and tears of our men and women.
We have changed so much,
We have learned so much.
We have seen great people that stood for change,
Despite your young age.
We were immigrants when we came,
And we did many bad things to be here today.
But the past is the past,
We must change at last.
It's time for us to stop being the idiots and prove everyone wrong,
For now it's time for us to get along.
Sweet America, oh my sweet,
Let's help you remember why we're free.

You're a ******* coward,
Here I am getting worse and worse by every hour!
You don't bother to call,
You don't bother to do anything at all.
I can't tell you **** because all you do is tell me I'm wrong,
You always treat me like I'm wrong!
I'm not ******* stupid,
Here you are whining and complaining like a *****!
I tell you I feel ******* empty,
I tell you that I'm lonely!
I've listened to your problems and fixed them,
Yet you won't even help me with my problems.
You think that I'm just overreacting,
You think that I'm just lying!
Why would I complain if it wasn't a problem?!
Why do I beg and plea for your help to fix them?!
You think that you're some ******* saint,
You think you don't deserve all of my complaints!
You ******* left me when I needed you most,
You left and treated me like a ghost!
You ignored my problems,
You went out with your friends.
You chose to fix another ******* girl's problems over mine,
She's not ever your family, yet you wasted my time!
You chose her so go **** yourself,
I can be with somebody else!
You treated me like a ******* *****,
Yet I was stupid for letting you have more!
I was your ******* girlfriend and fiancée for 4 ******* years,
Yet all you ever did was cause me tears!
So ******* darling,
Thanks for all your stupid stalling.

There's an itch in my brain,
            That comes time and time again.
It's like an inner plague in my mind,
     It only seems to get worse with time.
Emotions flare uncontrollably,
         I cannot keep them in me.
  There they are flaring,
        Always glaring.
  I can never be happy,
I go into a sadness or get angry.
       Sometimes it's big, sometimes it's small,
   Yet it's the same reaction to all.
I wish I can fix it and be happy,
           I wish I didn't get so angry.
Sometimes I don't think,
    Sometimes I can't see.
Sometimes I want to cry and ask for help,
         But then I'm reminded that I can't help myself.
Where is my mind?
  Why are people so blind?
Sometimes I want to die and leave,
             But no one sees.
  All the pressure always surrounds me,
          Pressure from everyone including my family.
I wish I can be free from this unending cycle,
                 Such a lonely cycle.
However I can't,
        No one sees who I am.
No one sees,
              No one sees me.

You're driving me insane,
I'm no longer the same.
I can't keep living like this,
My whole life is at risk.
Dear sweet sister,
Stop the torture.
Stop hurting me,
I didn't do anything.
You snap at my questions,
You cause stress and tensions.
I go into a fit of emotion,
Going along it's roller-coasting motions.
I want to stop the fights,
I want to live my own life.
You take my money and things,
All I say is nothing.
When I complained for change,
You blame me for your misery and rage.
I didn't ask to be born,
Yet I still receive your scorn.
You said I made you suffer,
Am I not your sister?
You take my money using the excuse that you paid for me,
Am I not your family?
I take care of your son,
I don't complain, we have fun.
You use him as a weapon against me,
Can't you see he's just a baby?
I don't ask for my stuff back,
Yet all I receive is your attack.
I'm not the person you paint me out to be,
I never caused you any bad deeds.
Leave me be,
You're not a stranger, you're family.
Stop taking my money and things,
Stop trying to ruin my future and everything.
Wake up and realize the problem is you,
And stop torturing me because I'm through.

So much pressure and so confused,
Never fully knowing what I want to do.
I struggle with this and everything,
Carrying the weight of my whole family.
I never know,
Emotions never show.
I gotta remain strong,
I gotta hold on.

Weight upon me,
Weight killing me.
Can I ever be set free?
Will anyone ever notice me?

I alway got the world judging me,
I've always been the loner, quiet one, a freak.
Everytime I got close, I only get hurt,
So much that it doesn't matter anymore.
I always gotta hold my tears,
I always have to swallow my fears.
I gotta always stay strong,
Why does it feel so wrong?

Weight upon me,
Weight killing me.
Can I ever be set free?
Will anyone ever notice me?

And I try so hard to hold it all,
I know one of these days, I'm gonna fall.
I want to run, I want to scream,
I always want to be free.
Yet I know that it won't happen,
It's a cruel fate, a sad one.
I have to stay strong,
Even if it feels so wrong.
I gotta be....
I gotta be free!

Weight upon me,
Weight killing me.
Can I ever be set free?
Will anyone ever notice me?

Weight upon me,
Weight killing me.
Can I ever be set free?
Will anyone ever notice me?

I'm sick of waiting,
I'm sick of this.
                   Free me from my suffering!
                   Save me from my abyss!
I'm sick of lying about myself,
I'm sick of pretending to be ok.
                    I'm not like everyone else.
                    I'm not ok!
I'm sick of hearing people talk about me,
I'm sick of people not caring.
                   I'm not what you think!
                   Why don't you care?!
I'm sick of remaining silent,
I'm sick of the thoughts that break me inside.
                   I'm not defiant!
                   I'm not going to stand aside!
I'm sick of being trapped,
I'm sick of it all.
                   I'm freeing myself from this
                   trap!
                   Im not going to fall!!!
I'm sick of being me
                   Don't judge me!
I'm sick of everyone
                  You're not the only one!!
I'm sick of life
                   All I want to do is die!
I'm sick of it
                   Let's end all this *******!

I'm that girl no one loves,
The one who's head is in the clouds.
I'm the girl who people talk to when they need help,
The one they spill all that they have felt.
I'm the girl who people can spill secrets to,
The one who really cares about you.
I'm the girl who sits there with them as they cry,
The one who hears all their problems in life.
I'm the girl who gives them hope,
The one who cheers them up with a joke.
I'm the girl they mistake as strong,
The one that will help people along.
I'm the girl who they never noticed,
The one who's sacrificed.
I'm the girl who gets ignored,
The one who people leave after they get bored.
I'm the girl who's never been noticed by anyone,
The one people abandon when they're done.
I'm the girl who's tears are never noticed,
The one who's happy personality is completely bogus.
I'm the girl who always feels ugly,
The one who wants to die because of the disgusting feelings.
I'm the one who gets rejected by others,
The one who will protect you fiercely like a mother.
I'm the girl who's not even considered a girl by people,
I'm the one who's considered an outcast and a witch to them all.
I'm the girl who is here to the end,
The one who's just a friend.

To all the skinny girls who think they are fat, I want to ask you a question. When was the last time you saw a dress you wanted, but you couldn't wear it because it was way too small? When was the last time your arm jiggled and drooped to where you can grab a fistful of skin? When have you seen stretch marks litter your skin? When have you had to take off stockings because your thighs rubbed a hole in them or because you got a bad burn? When have you been able to hold your own stomach? Yet some of you will say try exercising if you don't love your own skin. When you're chunky like me, you can't because you get ridiculed. The jerks will say "run faster ******!", "Ew hide your ugly *** from me", "look at that thing trying to exercise". People ridicule you when you stay fat AND when you're trying to lose it. They still judge you, yet some will admire you. However it's the same everywhere. It's almost like a common plague that haunts you. Then you turn to food because food doesn't judge you. Food makes you feel safe. Yet it isn't. It's killing us as well. Nowadays you are scared of food because of what's in it. Why don't you get liposuction or other weight loss surgeries? It doesn't solve the problem, it's a temporary thing that can easily go back to original and even worse when you don't do exercise. Leading to another viscous cycle of people judging you again. To those of you who have lost weight and changed your lives, congrats you made it. To those of you who judge us, at least stop doing it when we're trying to change it and exercise. To those skinny girls who think they're fat, a lot of us wish we can be you and wish we can wear those dresses or clothes you wear. To us obese women, you can change your life if you want to. I apologize when I say fat. It's just that it's a word that will continue to hang onto us. It's your choice but someone needed to say this to inform others. Someone needed to be a voice to this problem. I'm tired of inconsiderate people who makes fun of us. I'm tired of idiots trying to pull us down. So good luck to you all and may we finally shed some light onto the blind people that refuse to see our own problems. I apologize if I offend anyone, I don't mean to. I just want you all to see that there is a problem.

Everyone else's eyes look upon me differently,
They never were able to pierce me.
They tell me I'm different,
I'm just a distant friend.
No one tried to be my best friend,
Their eyes always tell me their lies in the end.
But your eyes, **** them,
You started off as my friend.
They started off so light,
So very bright.
Those eyes were so innocent at first,
I didn't notice them at first.
Then you grew on me,
Now you know everything about me.
I have never let anyone this close,
You were there when I needed you most.
Those eyes went through me so easily,
I didn't know the effect they had over me.
We were friends,
I trusted you over all of my own friends.
Those ******* eyes,
How could I have been so blind?
I panicked,
I was afraid.
It was you,
You turned me into someone new.
Those eyes pierced my soul,
Stripped me down, bare and all.
How did I never notice your eyes?
Why did this feel so right?
I try to hide from you behind my cold steel walls,
But you tore through them all.
Now you looked at me with those eyes,
They tell me so many beautiful lies.
Those eyes continue to pierce me,
You have finally become my family.
Those eyes,
Pierce me with those sweet lies.
Tear my walls down and strip it bare,
Just tell me you care.
Tell me more lies,
Look at me again with those beautiful piercing eyes.

We truly weren't born with a destiny. We just exist to live, breed and then die. It's a sad truth but it is the law of the world. However, humans such as you and I are created so different from other species. We wonder why. Why do we exist? Why do we feel? Why do we do whatever we do? Psychology, religion and science all try to answer this question yet you still wonder. We all face this. We're naturally curious creatures. We develop different mind sets and different adaptations to certain situations that are dependent on our environment. We have close minded people and open minded people. We have people who are always in the clouds and down to earth people. Different ideologies and different reactions. So why are we here? We seem to destroy the earth like locusts to crops. We seem to help it as well. Violence is nature's natural cure for the elimination of the population of species. We commit these when we poach animals and breed them to be a certain way and sell them. We also commit these when we harm environments to suit our human needs for grandeur and comfort. We even commit these acts of violence when we **** someone, hurt them or far worse. The weak will die while the strong lives yet the weak can also become strong. We see survivors from life threatening diseases. We even have humans save others. We want comfort, security, and to live. We cause silly things to happen. we destroy ourselves and others around us. We want to be noticed and to be seen. We want others love. We want to be free and see what life offers. So why are we here? The answer is the most simple of all. We simply are here to exist and live.

I walk up the aisle,
My heart is racing for miles.
Crying family members greet me,
Trying to be happy.
The room is dimmed,
I have to continue towards the coffin.
I see her there looking just as she did before,
Yet I knew I won't see her anymore.
Tears continue to fall,
I had to ignore it all.
I finally reached my destination,
Feeling hesitation.
The first time I've seen anything like it,
I can feel the tears and emotions suddenly hit.
She laid there in peace,
Smiling slightly, her forehead no longer creased.
Her eyes closed and her hair was nicely done,
Never in my moment have I been so stunned.
I kneel on the stand close to her,
I can feel my eyes slightly blur.
I reached out and touched her hand,
No longer warm and cold in my hand.
Her veins no longer pumping blood through her body,
She would no longer hold anybody.
Peaceful,
And beautiful.
Another kind soul lost to the world,
A person I have known since before I was even a little girl.
Her beauty,
No longer to bless anybody.
Always there when someone needed her,
My dear sweet grandmother.

Love me like no other,
Like you don't want another.
Love me like you want me,
Keep me in your cage and never let me free.
Love me like you care,
Like no one else can compare.
Love me like you cherish me,
I'll be all that you want me to be.
Love me like no one else,
Where everyone can tell.
Love me like your interests,
I'll give you my best.
Love me like there's no one else important in life,
I'll claim you as mine.
Love me right,
Don't make me toss and turn at night.
Love me right honey,
Make my heart beat like I've been running.
Love me right,
You'll become the important person in my life.
Love me right,
Like I love you with all of my life.

I am a devil in disguise,
A dark angel hidden in sweet lies.
I'm what people would call idiotic,
I'm nothing but a raving lunatic.
I'm the one who people sees as strong,
I'm the one who's seen that's constantly in the wrong.
I'm the victim,
I'm the innocent one.
I'm the friend who is so sweet,
I'm the one who people want to be.
However, I don't want that,
I'm ugly and fat.
I'm rotten to the core,
I'm the one who's never more.
I'm not worth the wait,
I'm not worth the pain.
I know this more than anyone,
I was always the abandoned one.
I know that people won't see me,
I know that I won't be free.
I'm never more than a friend,
Someone who is there in the end.
I'm not strong,
All these things that people say are wrong.
I'm always on my own,
Alway doomed to be alone.
Even the love of my life will never pick me,
Despite my pleas.
He's the type of man who will pick his friends,
Even when I need him in the end.
He's wonderful but I know that I'm always last to them,
They mean more to him.
I know my friends would never care about me,
Even though we can be considered as close as family.
I know that I would sacrifice myself so happily,
They are my real family.
However, I get left behind and forgotten,
Like leftovers or food that is doomed to be rotten.
I don't want to burden them though,
I don't want them to know.
I'm not upset with them,
They are my family and friends.
They saved me from myself,
They helped me become myself.
They woke me up to reality,
From my closed off fantasy.
They made me smile,
They helped me, a person who was already defiled.
I owe my entire existence to them,
They are my friends.
So I don't mind being left in the dust,
I don't mind if I'm left to rust.
I know that at my funeral, no one will attend,
I don't care, they're my friends.
I don't mind if they don't cry,
Or if they left me alone to die.
I want them to be happy,
Even if it sounds so sappy.
I know in my heart that they don't love me as much as I love them,
I don't mind, they're my friends.
They're my family, my reason for being,
So why wish suffering because of my suffering?
I'm a devil hiding in sheeps clothing,
A villain in superhero clothing.
I'm no good,
I'm every bad thing in existence that is far from good.
However, even me, a nobody,
Wants to love and have somebody.
So I let them tear me down and rip me to shreds,
I was always better being dead.
I don't care about it, there's nothing to be changed,
For I'm a fool in love and is always willing to wait.

Is it wrong for me to want to leave? Is it wrong for me to want to go to a technical college and get away from my family? To live in the dorms and study to become a video game designer? To become something I want? I live in a small town that is definitely not like the cities. It's slow and quiet here. However, I know that my desired profession requires me to get out of here, to leave. So instead of being an idiot, I'm planning on building independence. However, my family thinks it's stupid, why go to a technical college when I'm good where I'm at? Or at least that's what they say. I hate that no matter how many times I try, they want me to be something that I'm not. I can't deal with the stress of medical life, I know that I have no patience, I prefer to do something that I'm told, I don't have the smooth cunning of a lawyer or the nerves of steel like a police officer or marine. I love video games. I want to learn it and produce my own creative ideas. I have so many of them, they could even be bestsellers. I'm a procrastinator but if it's something that I'm interested in, I believe that I can finish it way before deadlines. I'm not one to go for the money. Frankly, I believe that if you're happy and you're always struggling, then you don't need anything else. I know it's a stupid fantasy to some but I want to live out my dreams. I told my family and all they do is look at me and say it's stupid. "Why don't you be a dentist?" "Be a doctor", "money is the important thing in life". I hate that. They are just trying to use me, I believe. It's always been that way. They only want to live off of my success, they never cared about my happiness. I know that nowadays it's different. I blame the government. I'm sorry but congress is borrowing too much money, our US dollar is devaluing and debt is growing. The world already knows this. We're being laughed at as we speak. I just want to live out a dream though. I want to be happy. So is it wrong to be happy? Is it even wrong to be me?

The weird purr of my air conditioner,
The feel of my comforter.
My pillow is folded for it is flat from many sleepy nights,
The sound and mood is just right.
Yet here I am,
A fool at 1 or 2 o'clock AM.
Helpless,
Sleepless.
I want the blissful sleep to take me,
Overcome me.
I can't, however,
Even as this wish keeps going forever.
When will I sleep instead?
What happened to the comforts of my bed?
However another night will pass,
I still awake like a *******.
Oh sleep,
Why don't you love me?
No matter how many times I'll complain,
I fear that I'll never sleep like I ever did again.

I don't need drama in my life,
I already had enough of it at home.
I don't need liars in my life,
I've already had the hurt caused by them.
I don't need anyone who pretends,
I've already seen who they are.
I don't need anyone to keep me in my own prison,
My hearts is already riddled in scars.
I don't need anyone to lie,
My whole life was one.
I don't need anyone to pity my life,
It's a thing that I want gone.
I need someone real,
Someone who actually cares.
I need the real deal,
Someone who can share.
I need real people,
No more fakes.
I'm done with those people,
They blame me for their mistakes.
I don't need a fake friend,
I need a true friend.
I don't need someone,
I need the real one.
Because life is riddled with fakes,
Life's ultimate mistakes.
I don't need a liar,
I need someone with that same fire.
A real person.

It's cold,
So very cold.
As I lay here on my bed,
The air holds a terrifying dread.
I hear nothing,
I see nothing.
The only feeling I have is this bed,
Hoping to sleep like the dead.
It's the most terrifying thing to ever exist.
The dread hangs like a heavy mist.
I can feel the dark touch me,
Crawl along my back and cling.
So dark, so cold.
So terrifying, a fear that never grows old.
So different than what you were told,
It's the true feeling of being alone.

I love them,
I enjoy every minute with them.
We'd all meet at someone's house and talk,
It was always crazy **** but real talk.
They don't pretend to be who they are,
They are who they say they are.
However because of some people, the trust is shaky,
My heart is aching.
Relationships based off of *** destroyed us,
They did have good intentions but in the end, that was all it really was.
The thing that really stings,
Is knowing they separated into groups and go do things.
My messages untouched and empty,
Time is something I have plenty.
One group here,
One group there.
I'm stuck in the nonexistent middle,
Trying to solve this complex riddle.
There are few here with me,
People who agree.
Now I start looking into it,
Was all the time spent with them worth it?
Because now I'm here waiting to see them,
Trying to be with them!
But I just get ignored,
I get tossed away like trash that has no use anymore.
I sit here and think,
Were they really my friends from the beginning?

Up and down your chest went,
It hasn't been the same since.
They're shallower now,
There's nothing we can do now.
You breathe as deep as you can while in your sleep,
I always wondered about your dreams.
The beeps of the monitor played a steady tune,
How annoying and so soon.
I crawled closer to you,
Age wasn't very nice to you.
I had met you long ago when you were but a young one,
And I was just a no one.
You saw me for what I was,
You, the young child from the bus.
You smiled and talked to me,
You spoke of faraway lands and dreams.
You won my heart then,
Warmed it up from it's cold prison.
We grew old together,
You always spoke of forever.
Now here you are in this wretched hospital bed,
This hospital, a prison full of happiness and dread.
Inhale.....
Exhale.....
Slower rhythm,
No more ****** spasms.
So still and stiff,
I placed upon your forehead a kiss.
Suddenly everything was quiet,
Except for the sound of your heart monitor causing a riot.
You're gone now, my sweet,
Never to laugh, never to cry, never to breathe.

Hate crimes are too cute of a name,
It's should be "crimes against humanity" or "humanity's ultimate shame".
Listen well,
For I have a story to tell.
God says to LOVE everyone,
No hate towards anyone.
However we see Christians say gay marriages are sins,
Hating on anyone who's different.
The bible was supposed to educate about love,
A word of peace and advice from the man above.
All those people mentioned had their own sins,
Each the same yet different.
However a true Christian would show nothing but love,
For it is HIS word, the man with the angels from above.
When those responsible for inflicting pain upon those who are different,
I can't wait for their reaction.
Because he will look down upon them and punish them for being tormentors,
Not his loyal followers.
Then there are those who aren't Christian,
Those who just don't like anyone who's different.
You all know who you are,
Your crimes against humanity are like deep tissued scars.
You hate on someone who has different colored skin,
You hate on them for all they've been.
You say they only take jobs and breathe our air,
Even though you know it's unfair.
It's not them you should be blaming for this,
Blame the government.
They were born that way,
They didn't have a say.
All those who've blamed others due to their skin color is a *****!
Your entire mindset should be gone.
"These Mexicans are taking our jobs",
No they are not.
They're doing what you would do,
Work even though it's hard and new.
You shouldn't blame a certain race because you're so insignificant and unable to work,
You would do the same if you were in the same situation as him or her.
"We need to stop these illegals from coming in",
I get it but don't punish the person.
They work hard, it's not their fault that they want the American dream,
Even though it is only a dream.
Instead of hating on humanity,
Why don't you do something for everybody?
Stop being a vile idiot,
Do something that's worth it.
It's time for us to stop blaming others,
We are in charge of our destinies to make it better.
Stop with the prejudices,
Stop with the injustices.
Stop the hate,
Deal with the problems that are to blame.
This isn't a fantasy,
This is reality!
Now shut up and quit your hate,
You're in charge of your own fate.

Whenever it's comes down to a decision that affects others,
Think about it.
If you're going to do anything that will hurt others,
Ask if it's worth it.
Because in the end,
You're the one in charge of your life.
You define who you are, regardless of others and friends,
You have only one life.
So when you decide to hurt that person,
You better be sure it was worth it.
They are just like you, breathing and filled with purpose.
When you hurt them, have no regrets.
Because if a decision was worth it,
You wouldn't back down.
You would fight for it,
Even when you're on the ground.
Don't be a coward,
Face all your consequences with no fear.
That decision that was worth it should have been done regardless of rewards,
It's your life that you chose to stir.
Don't cry for what you've done,
Stand up and take it all.
Get up from the ground,
Don't stall.
If an action is worth it, don't regret,
Face all the consequences willingly.
You can't run from it,
No one said that life was easy.
Actions define who you are,
So stop blaming others, stop feeling pity for yourself.
Life is hard,
It's your happiness, not someone else's.
Don't live in regret,
It was your actions so face it.

Gut wrenching pain,
Excruciating and alive!
Let me drink your tears again,
I'll feed you more lies.
Go on my lovely cry some more,
Cry again, you sweet angel!
I am your *****,
I am your devil.
Feed me, my lovely,
Quench my thirst.
Because nothing is more heavenly,
Nothing can make this dead heart burst.
Come and cry oh so sweetly,
Cry for me, my lovely.

You scream at me,
So rude, so angry.
You tell me to do this and that,
Even you insult me and call me worthless and fat.
You were supposed to be my role model and guide me to the right way.
You're the reason why I'm this way.
I tried to help you,
Tried to cheer you up when you're blue.
However I ended up getting in your line of fire,
You were the biggest of liars.
I had to learn how to do everything by myself,
I still don't know how to take care of myself.
I hate how you side with my brothers when they are wrong,
I wish I wasn't always strong.
I wish I could let myself be me,
I wish that you would see.
You say I'm uncreative, you doubted me.
You made me feel like a freak.
I would be so excited of my accomplishments,
But you treated them like burdens.
You are like the devil,
My freedom is always part of the deal.
I hate how I had to clean the house in order to be free.
It only gets ***** again from my family.
Yet when it was dad, I had to submit,
My freedom was forfeit.
So many dates cancelled because of him,
It jeapordized my relationship.
You were my mom,
You didn't protect me at all.
You were more likely to throw me under the bus to save your skin.
You suffered because of him.
Yet despite it all,
You're still my mom.

They're screaming,
They're calling your name.
They're coming,
Hide from your shame.
They're closer now,
Run while you still can.
Hide from the sounds,
They see you from where you stand.
It's too late,
There is no escape.

I don't care who you are,
I don't care if you're a famous star.
I don't care what you do,
I don't care which family it was that you grew.
I don't care who said about anything,
I don't care if you're the next big thing.
I don't care if you're up in ranks above,
I don't care if you're the only person I love.
I don't care about anything,
DON'T MAKE FUN OF SOMEONE'S DREAM!

Ever since I was a little girl, I saw things no one saw.
I always looked at the world with awe.
I saw the beauty in people who weren't loved,
In every ******, outcast, and victim.
I was isolated from the world,
For I was merely a girl.
While girls liked dolls and wanted to be Daphane from ****** doo,
I wanted to be Velma and do what all the boys wanted to do.
I robe my bike around my yard,
Even though I would fall on the rocks and hit the pavement really hard.
I had little friends,
I was weird to no end.
I tried to be normal,
I tried to catch up to the people.
However, they didn't see me,
I would just be left all lonely.
I hated elementary,
They only reminded me of being lonely.
I wanted to leave,
I wanted to be free.
I remember that wish as I hung out at the swings,
How I wished that I had wings.
I wanted escape the oppression of my school and home,
I wanted a real friends and I hoped.
Boys were always first.
At home, it was not different, they were the worst.
My older sister said that I had everything that I wanted,
That I was a spoiled brat and unwanted.
My older brother would push me and grab me by the arm,
Saying that I was in the way, causing even more harm.
My mom sided with them,
She only didn't want to get in trouble from HIM.
My dad,
The core of troubles, the only one I can't stand.
Always putting boys first,
Teaching us girls that our job was to cater to them and worst.
We had no say,
We had to do everything he wants in order to stay.
I found no beauty in the family,
It was rotten to the core, it was greedy.
I was hoping that they would see the things that I see,
Stop the nightmares from my closet from coming after me.
I wished they stopped arguing,
I wished they were a real family.
I had no escape,
I didn't even have my own dreams to escape.
I was haunted by nightmares and arguments,
I wanted them all to end.
I would watch a monster from my closet **** everyone near me,
Coming after me.
No one listened,
I was mistaken.
I grew older and eventually stopped pretending,
I shut myself in my walls and shielding.
In the 3rd grade, I stopped wearing pink,
I stopped listening.
I hid behind a frown,
I stopped chasing after the ones who weren't around.
I became an adult when I was young,
I didn't even have a childhood to be proud of.
I couldn't stop seeing beauty,
But I refused to be a victim to their cruelty.
I was an empty shell of a innocent girl,
A young soul who saw the beauty in the world.
I had kept this charade for a couple of years,
Then my wall started to get cracks and tears.
I remember people who saw me,
I remember the ones who became my friends and, later, family.
They finally came,
They finally saw me for who I am and didn't want me to change.
My walls took heavy fire,
It was weakening more than I had desired.
I was scared,
What if they didn't really care?
We went on to high school,
Still friends from middle school.
Then he came into my life,
Putting an end to my shell to hide.
My love came and pulled me out of my shell,
Promising freedom from this hell.
I couldn't believe it,
I didn't think that I was getting what I wished.
My angel with black and red wings,
He's finally come to save me.
They came to save me,
My friends and my real family.

There she stood playing a melody,
Her fingers positioned and ready.
She's such a tease as she trilled her passionate notes,
Playing songs that someone else wrote.
Her flute gleaming in the spotlight,
I love the way her lips were positioned on that pipe.
Her eyes sparkled as she ran through scales with such ease,
Her melody still haunts my dreams.
The way she blew steady air into her flute was ******,
And she continued to play notes that were chaotic.
Her fingers danced with passion over the keys,
Making me get down on my knees.
I imagined her fingers dancing upon me,
Imagining us in perfect harmony.
She gave me such a thrill,
My body is tingling with chills.
Her lips firm as she played,
Manipulating her mouth to make volume rise and finally fade.
Be mine, you free little bird,
Your song is the only one I heard.
Unleash your melody into me,
Let's make sweet harmony.
I love the way you tease me,
I love the way you play me.
I want my heart to be your flute,
Playing it to your wicked tune.
I love the way you fly,
I want to keep you as my own sweet lullaby.
Be mine, my beloved teasing flutist,
Let your melody and my background tune become sweet bliss.

I love your smile,
I love that you're wild.
I love your dark humor,
I love how you think I'm cuter.
I love your sweet words,
I love how good you make me hurt.
I love your fat,
I love your silly pretend gangster stance.
I love your saxophone playing,
I love the words you're always saying.
I love your strong arms,
I love your art.
I love your bearded face,
I love calling you my disgrace.
I love your laugh,
I love your ability to do math.
I love how you rub my belly,
I love how you always get jealous.
I love the way you hold me,
I love the way you look at me.
I love how you play magic the gathering,
I love how you wear all of my rings.
I love how you and I think alike,
I love how you don't know how to ride a bike.
I love how you sleep,
I even love how you weep.
I love everything about you,
I love you even when I'm angry or blue.
I'm weird,
You're weird.
You're mine forever,
You're my favorite.
**** those wannabes who pretend,
**** those who put you down again and again.
**** that ***** who broke your heart,
**** all those idiots who made your life hard.
For you are beautiful,
You are beauty.

Tick tock,
goes the clock.
Purr purr,
Goes the refrigerator.
Drip drip,
Goes the sinks occasional drip.
Squeak squeak,
Goes the mouse who's ever so meek.
Woof woof,
Goes the distant dog.
It's quiet now,
Only with occasional sounds.
Solitude,
Sweet, torturous solitude.
Notice how all these sounds are things I knew,
The only thing missing is you.

While some people view others as garbage, others view them as treasures. That is where the writer come in and use these measures.
We switch them to other peoples views,
Make them see something new.
We create imaginary lands and wonderful things,
Not knowing what people will think.
We paint canvases beautiful to the mind,
We create and discover with every line.
We state facts openly,
We expressed ourselves showmanly.
To some, we are a circus full of wonder and joy,
To others, we are concrete and as cruel as a bully is to any girl or boy.
A writer never sees garbage nor do they see treasure,
For beauty is something that can't be measured.
A writer is a creator,
A writer is a destroyer.
It only takes a persons view to see it,
And ultimately do something about it.

I'm tired of being strong. I'm tired of pretending who I am. I'm tired of my family saying be a doctor or dentist so they can get free visits. I'm tired of being compared to my siblings. I'm tired of being the only hope. I'm tired of college. I'm tired of this downward *****. I'm tired of being jobless. I've never had a job. I'm tired of being pressured to do great and perfect. I'm tired of being ugly. I'm tired of being the fat girl in the group. I'm tired of people taking credit for all of my hardwork. I'm tired of my family putting me as the person to blame when something goes wrong. I'm tired of hearing my dad say it's all about the money. I'm tired of hearing my mom ask if I got my financial aid check. I'm tired of my sister asking me to take care of her son. I'm tired of her telling me to work places so she can benefit. I'm tired of my brother pushing me around while the other stands around. I'm tired of my boyfriend not listening to me. I'm tired of him telling me that I act like a child. I'm tired of him saying that I shouldn't give up when he already has. I'm tired of people giving up on me. I'm tired of everything. I'm tired of life. I just want it all to go away.

I think the reason why we live is because of death. We fear death, we fear the unknown. One could even dare say the unknown is the future. It's the reason why we cling onto the past so much, we fear the unknown the most. I believe without a doubt that reincarnation happens and some could say that people's souls grow older and wiser. Yet why do people commit suicide? One could say that they are new souls, new creations of life. However as I think about it more and more, could it possibly be because the soul is starting to realize that life is too unpredictable and too unbearable? Maybe those who commit suicide are the souls who are actually a little mature. Maybe the reason why some people look forward to the future is because they are actually new souls. Then there is those who are wise beyond their years and still look forward to the future. Perhaps souls that grow too old become energy and become recreated into new souls to continue on. Perhaps the evil people with souls are being cleansed to create a new start. Perhaps that's the reason why sociopaths exist. Maybe they're just old souls who have seen many lives and are starting to lose the vitality it once had. Perhaps they are in the process of getting their souls cleansed from all they have done after they have been punished. The real reason why we would seek immortality is because we fear death. However I believe that even after we erase the fear of death, we will end up growing a new fear. Fear is inevitable. We will end up growing to fear love. Sounds funny, why would we fear love? If you're immortal, you will start to see the beauty of life and death. You will watch the people you grew up with, you laughed with, you work with, you care about, and you loved die. You will start pushing away all of them, everyone for fear of getting close. If you're immortal, that doesn't mean that you don't have a heart. Your fear of death is nothing like the fear of love. Unlike the fear of death, you will be alone if you fear love. The fear of death only makes bonds between those who also fear death. However to fear love will cause you to alienate yourself from the people around you. A soul cannot live on it's own. It will only disintegrate and get it's soul ripped inside and out. We must have death in order to live. Because life without death is miserable and lonely.

Ringing,
Why is it ringing?
Why is it that all I hear is ringing?
Why couldn't it be singing?
Why couldn't I hear the smooth jazz or the weeping lullaby of songs?
Why couldn't it be the sweet nightmares of songs that have been sung?
Ringing,
Why is it ringing?
Why couldn't it be you?
Where did you go suddenly and out of the blue?
Why couldn't it be you who is with me?
Instead all I hear is this ringing.
Ringing,
Why is it ringing?

There's music in my soul,
Only you can make it whole.
Your saxophone calloused fingers,
Tap me inside and out until I sing.
Oh baby, I can feel the notes threatening to pierce me,
Never have I felt so free.
Place your lips upon me like your saxophone,
I can feel it in my soul.
You love is so sweet,
I can feel you play me into a melody.
Hold me like your saxophone,
Hold me that close.
Even when we're fighting,
We make perfect harmony.
Move your fingers on me,
Play me.
Move me to your music, my love,
Take me to all the notes below and above.
You have my love, saxophone player,
You're the only one that can take me there.
Use your music on my soul,
And play me like your saxophone.

Coughing until there is no air left in my lungs,
So terrible, it stung.
My nose is clogged,
My vision is fogged.
The smell of hospital lingers,
I feeling pins and needles in my fingers.
Close to death,
I am doomed to rest in bed.
The IVs are inserted through my skin,
Quite a situation I got myself in.
It's cold,
When did I get so old?
Nurses are running about,
My voice is so weak, I can't even shout.
Who am I?
Where am I?
I cough again,
Feeling blood run down my chin.
It's so empty here,
Can't anybody hear?
The light is so bright,
My vision sees only white.
Why do I cling so desperately to life?
How is death easier than life?
My body is trembling,
I can hear my ears ringing.
I close my eyes,
And wait as the remaining parts of me slowly die.
It's failing now, the system is crashing,
Listen to my heart in it's desperate thrashing.
Memories are whirling around in my skull,
I breathe my last breath, listening to death's call.

Ocean beauty,
Salty smell.
Beautiful scenery,
Creature with shells.
We sat together at the beach,
Watching the sunset fall.
You touched my cheek,
Held me close and we listened to the oceans call.
Your warm touch soothed me,
The waves were small.
The boat rocked continuously,
There nobody at all.
We kisses so passionately,
With no regrets.
We loved so endlessly,
And then the sun set.
On land,
We hated.
On land,
I know you cheated.
We pretended to love each other in a cold marriage,
I'm not stupid, I caught you with that *****.
We both knew our love had perished,
However I didn't know what was at stake.
So here we are on the same boat that we shared,
We were alone together for once.
You pretended you cared,
And then you pounced.
The loud shot from the gun,
The piercing pain.
I stared at you stunned,
And you shot again.
You tossed me over board,
You sped away.
You called the cops once on shore,
You got away.
I see you with that *****,
Your new wife.
You brought out to our place,
Started your new life.
You brought her out to the ocean,
Oh you fool.
You think you were so clever and the plan had set itself in motion,
You came to your doom.
Long scaley tail,
Fins with purple hues.
Skin so pale,
Punishment is due.
Screams in the air,
Why not share?
Left your corpse on the boat, rocking in motion,
I love the ocean.

I'm a moth to your flame,
A insect to your light.
I'm a flower to your rain,
A star in your night.
I'm a soul who is attracted to you,
A naive invisible being.
I wouldn't have friends if it wasn't for you,
A lonely, imaginary thing.
Your eyes stared into my soul,
Never have I felt so naked.
Your laugh warmed me from the cold,
My heart ran itself ragged.
My mind screamed at me to run,
I am blind and deaf to it.
I ran towards you and the fun,
Ignoring all of the signs and wit.
I jumped happily in your arms,
Your hands felt good on my back.
I didn't know that you would cause harm,
You were preparing for your attack.
You slowly turned for the worst,
You had your hands around my neck.
My tears had burst,
My heart was in a wreck.
You killed me so slowly,
You didn't leave a trace.
Your arms now wrapped me painfully,
There's a mask over my face.
Oh the pain,
Oh the hurt.
My tears fell like the rain,
Yet my heart feels empty like the desert.
A fatal attraction it was,
I should have seen it coming.
I should have seen your flaws,
Seen through your lies and cunning.
However I have no regrets,
Because I have finally lived.
It was me who made my own bed,
It was time to lay in it.

Your rose tempted me to you,
You lead me to your garden and the sky's were ever so blue.
I loved you and your beauty,
Would ever think you were so deadly?
I got closer and closer until I fell,
And it was nightfall, unleashing hell.
Your thorns wrapped tightly on my heart,
Oh so painful, oh so sharp.
My tears quelled your thirst,
I never knew how much it could hurt.
Your thorny vines wrapped around me like a lover,
Oh so painful, so much pleasure.
My wounds are deep,
I would cry in my sleep.
I would watch the night sky and tried to reach for the stars,
So many wound, so many scars.
Your vines wrapped tightly around my body,
I was your prisoner even though I was nobody.
Your rose started to wilt,
Yet no matter what, I felt no guilt.
I wanted to bleed,
I wanted to believe.
Wrap me up tighter,
Give me more pain and anger.
I want to live,
I want to love.
I'm merely an insect to you,
I need you.
Let my tears quench your never ending thirst,
Squeeze my heart until it burst.
Bring the sun and rain,
I never want to be free again.
Wrap me up tighter in your garden and your vines,
I only ask for you to be mine and only mine.

A new year begins,
We erase the past, our lies and our sins.
We leave those who either made us or broke us,
We come up with new goals and new things to discuss.
We look forward to change,
Even though change never came.
We left our tears,
We have our new battle scars.
We leave behind those who died,
Always remember them on the inside.
We left the anger out to extinguish,
We left our anguish.
A new year means new beginnings,
We are entering unknowingly.
A new year could be sad,
A new year, you could be bad.
A new year can make you happy,
A new year can be ******.
However a new year only depends on one person, because everything may be blue,
But the only one who can change that is you.

Many times I get asked what anime is. I wear anime t-shirts, I watch it with glee, I fantasize about it and have conversations about it as well. I go to conventions, I discuss it with my friends nitpicking at strong foes, and I even supported toonami coming back. Yet this question of what anime is always makes me pause. What is anime? I always think about it and I am always unsure of it. It's almost like theaters and movies, anime has many genres such as drama, romance, and even tragedy. Yet sometimes people argue that anime is nothing more than a cartoon. I could say that cartoons are only meant for kids but anime includes that as well. I could say anime has different art styles, but the same could be said for cartoons as well. I could say anime is more Japanese oriented but anime has no limitations. People question it however the same could be said of theater. Why do people love tragedy? Why do people wish to see a girl die from cancer? Why do people wish to see a couple being put through a lot? Why do people enjoy death? Anime has many genres like theater, anime has death, tragedy, and yes even ****. Do not judge anime by it's differences, do not say it's simply a cartoon. Because to some people it is their theater, their muse, their life, and their dreams and inspirations.