I can't breathe anymore,
It feels like I'm in a cage.
I can't deal with it, it's too much, no more!
I can feel all my sorrow and my rage.
I feel like my soul is being torn limb from limb,
I feel my heart being torn inside out.
My once ever so strong spirit has suddenly run thin,
I can feel all the emotions and everything inside start to pour out.
Why must I ruin everything I touch?
Why must I ruin everything for everyone?
Why must I love so much?
Why must I ruin all the fun?
My head is splitting upon the wall of my own solitude,
My body seems almost lifeless with no energy or life.
I feel naked and ****,
Their words cut into me sharply like a knife.
Everything is falling,
I can't go on.
They hear me calling,
But they just continue to move on.
I just wanted everyone to be happy,
I just wanted to be loved.
But here I am, unhappy,
Simply pushed away and shoved.
I feel my heart lose it's warmth,
Tears run coldly down my face.
Here I lie on my bed, suffering in my own storm,
Feeling like a disgrace.
Where is my love?
Where is my strength?
I can no longer hear the angels above,
Even darkness holds me at arms length.
I'm alone,
I feel so cold.
My heart has been kicked around like a stone,
The pieces of my life is the only thing I hold.
No one can hear me scream,
No one will help me.
This isn't a dream,
This is my ultimate reality.
My double edged sword,
My very own love,
Have pierced me without a word,
And left me to rot.

Normally I would say never give up, but there are times where even my patience and will gets pushed, where my strong wall get weaker and very fragile. It always feels like I'm drowning and I hate that it's always the people I love most are the ones who hurt me more than the others. I always feel inadequate, under appreciated, and most of all ignored. Funny, I always thought that the enemies of the world was always the people outside, the ones who judge us from afar and avoid us. I know now that my true enemies are those who I love, those who can break me down with even the slightest bit of rejection, the ones who can make me cry for their pain. I don't want to love anymore, it hurts more than anything. Even he used it against me, he knew I was weak and that I wouldn't leave because of it. He tells me so many sweet lies, nowadays all I do is cry. He doesn't respect me, he always says something that really hurts more than anything. I went through so much mental torture, so much emotions that has been bottled inside are now leaking steadily, coming out dangerously and starting to rupture and crack. I don't want to love anymore, but I can't help it! I'm only human. I never considered myself an overly religious person, I actually try to balance it. However, god taught me to love, never hate. What can I do when I don't want to lose the people I love?

My love,
Listen to my heartbeat.
Does it sing sweetly like the angels above?
Can you hear how worn out it is from pain and defeat?
My love,
Look at my body.
Is it something that you love?
Is it beautiful even though it is scarred, stretched, and ugly?
My love,
Touch my hair.
Is it beautiful to you even if it's untamed and rough?
Do you love it enough to stare?
My love,
Feel my teeth.
Is it something you're afraid of?
Does my fangs make me look sweet?
My love,
Listen to my voice.
Does it sound sweet like the chirping of birds from above?
Does my childlike voice fill your void?
My love,
Stare into my eyes.
Can you see what I'm thinking of?
Can you see it's tired of the pain and lies?
My love, can you see me now?
My love, can you hold me now?
My love, my sweet, my wonderful,
Am I truly beautiful?

I'm ******* done!
You hear me you pathetic siblings and hypocritical parents!
I'm ******* done!
All of you in my family are ******* pathetic!
You little ***** always take advantage of me,
You always take and take without giving in return!
You're not worthy of being my family!
You make my head turn!
You always touch everything I have,
You used it and then either misplace it or ******* break it!
You steal my money and take everything I have,
You always treated me like ****!
******* sisters!
You two never appreciated me!
One of you slimy ******* use me for your kids and make me a baby sitter!
He's not my ******* kid now is he?!
So why the **** does it feel like I'm being punished because you had a ******* kid?!
The other ***** never ******* helps!
All she does is be ******* lazy and sleeps in!
She even watches me when I'm in desperate need of help!!!
******* brothers!
You two stuck up ******* don't do **** for the ******* house!
What the **** did you guys do?!
One of you complains about doing everything for us,
How the **** did you do everything when sitting on your *** playing video games is all you ******* do?!
The other pushes me around and demands things,
What did you ever do other than ruin my life?!
I went through years of your constant bullying!
You're one of the reasons why I can't have a ******* normal life!!!!!
******* mother!
You're nothing but a ******* ***** who can't do ****!
You complain about father!
Why don't you get a ******* divorce and be done with it?!
You know why?!
Because she's ******* useless on her own!
Everything that comes out of her mouth is a lie!
Whenever I ask a question, she's always on her ******* phone!
I have to repeat myself to get her attention!
Then she gets mad when I don't answer back or give her ******* attitude!
*****, you're the ******* reason why I ******* have it!
What is wrong with you?!
Then you say I have to be an adult but you don't even let me get out of the house without your permission!
Why the **** am I getting punished?!
I didn't have a ******* kid or do drugs or crashed I don't know how many cars like my brothers and sisters!!
Don't compare me to those useless low lives! I'm finished!
I'm not you and your kid's babysitter!
I don't have to take care of your lazy *****!
That ******* includes you father!!!!
You're a worse out of all these *******!!!
You say that you keep the family together when you're tearing us apart!
We don't ******* want you here,
We hate you!!
We wish you disappear!
You're worthless and we're all done with you!
Even your brothers and sisters ******* hate you,
That's why they avoid us,
Because they're afraid we're just like you!
That's why the family ignores us!
I have ******* had it!
I'm not their ******* slave!
I don't owe them ****!
They need to do **** their own way!
**** all of you in my family,
One ******* day I will leave and be successful.
You all will be ******* unhappy,
While I will be the one who escaped you all.

I didn't ask for this,
I yelled at my minds growing abyss.
My sister was weeping,
My nephew was sleeping.
My mother had anger set out towards me,
My father had anger for all those three.
He used me,
I was an excuse for this blasphemy.
Now my sister and nephew are homeless and seeking refuge at her mother in laws home,
Guilt weighed heavier on my heart than a mountain of stones.
And for what?
So my dad can get her out of my home and give me a room that wasn't even worth it!
Now I'm here, standing in the middle alone,
A **** to everyone!
I didn't ask for this!
This is a big steaming pile of *******!
They think that it's my fault!
I didn't do anything at all!
My dog got run over by my dad,
That ******* took everything that I had!
How am I supposed to know what to say or do?!
My mom didn't tell me anything or what to do!!
She hates me now because I "caused" this,
That selfish *****!
How am I supposed to know what to say?!
She always taught to listen and never go against what my father says!!
She's the one who told me to listen and talk to this *******,
To deal with his ***** fits and complaints about this *******.
I let everyone walk all over me,
Yet the bad guy is always me!!
What the **** am I supposed to ******* do?!
Why am I taking the blame for everything he does?!
Why am I taking the blame for my mom?!
Why am I taking the blame for everything bad that happens here?!
Why am I crying these stupid tears?!
I didn't do anything,
I didn't say anything.
I never wanted this to happen,
So why am I the villain?

Why is it me who's left crying?
Why is it me who feels my heart dying?
The emotions so strong as it pierces my heart like a knife,
With the force of 10,000 jet planes at full speed trying to end my life.
Why do you bother staying when this is all you do?
Then again this fight isn't new.
You say it's me,
It always was me.
But this whole time, you never changed,
All I am now is an animal caged.
Yet I try to leave and you won't let me go,
And now I just carry around this weight like a stone.
Now I know that I'm done,
And tonight's the night that I'm going to run.