I wish I spent more time with them
Less time pushing them away
The halls seem emptier without them
My group, my people
I was supposed to have 2 more years with them
2 more years to make dumb jokes that only we would laugh at
2 more years to make memories that we could look back at
2 more years once we learned to drive to go around on trips
2 more years to sit at our spot making jokes and screaming until someone complained
2 more years of those 7-11 trips I never went on because I thought we had more time
2 more years to play on the same team to go to games and practices I could never attend because I thought we had more time
2 more years of school dances, of prom and homecoming
I missed out on memories just because I was so busy studying
and now I won't get a chance to make more

The steady rhythm that keeps my heart true
A beat like listening to each drum
Each strum of a guitar
Each chord sung
Somehow fixes everything
Allowing escape for the estranged

Just a few days ago I told some friends writing poetry helped
But just today I punched walls like everything depended on it
so maybe i'm not getting better
who knows

I finally found my way out
No more blades, just tears
And before I know it
red slips down my arms again

An insatiable need
Now I write, go insane
because if i give in to that urge
that itch
I'd let everyone down
a disappointment

but all I really want to do is feel the blade dancing around me again

Look at me, say your sorry
next thing I know its over
Pity like a dagger wrapped like a gift
soft words, sharp lies

You ask why I bleed let the red run me over
Why drawings line up my wrists
In blood red
Then you turn around and say things
Like you forgot I ever told you

I hate you but I cant hate you
I love you because you love me
sometimes I just wish you'd hate me
so i'd be free
so i'd be allowed to hate you
without guilt