When I was little I told the teacher
I don't feel happy
I never meant I was depressed
but rather happiness that I had
passed too fast
I could laugh one moment
Cry the next
Until each fleeting moment felt
like happiness was bleeding
out of my hands before I could hold it
Always one step ahead
I could never reach it

Climbing the ranks
Perfect grades
Nothing less than a 4.0
1500s or above on SAT
or your worthless

Defined by numbers tattooed on my skin
Always on my path that I never chose
Always striving to do better, be better

but never being
never
being good enough

I know, I know, I know so much
But I can't act, can't act upon it
I sit there scrolling until it destroys me
until I can't breathe
I stop 5 hours later only to go insane
I spiral into anxiety of finishing my school work
Only to go to sleep and wake up the next day
I can't keep going like this
Yet I do nothing
I don't know how to fix it
I can't do this anymore

I’m rewatching Harry Potter, and it hits me
He was only 17 when he saved the world.
Only 17 when he faced death,
Defeated Voldemort,
Buried friends,
And still walked forward.

I rewatched Hannah Montana,
And realized she was a star at 13.
She used to seem so much older—
Confident, funny, double life and all.
Now I’m older than she ever was on screen,
But somehow, I still feel behind.

Katniss volunteered at 16.
Peter Parker was dodging bullets in high school.
Percy Jackson fought gods at 12.
Even Lizzie McGuire seemed to have it more together
Than I do now.

And the characters I used to look up to
Now feel so out of reach.
I used to think it was because they were older
But now I’m the same age,
And somehow…

I’m just sitting on the couch,
Binge-watching their stories,
Still waiting for mine to start.

But maybe the difference
Isn’t the age,
Or the magic,
Or the fame.

Maybe the difference is
They had scripts
And I’m still writing mine.

Does anyone still play make belief
Play pretend or house
Maybe in our heads, but never out loud
One day some of us just stopped
No reason, just that we grew up

One day it finally hit us childhood is gone
Little kids trying to play teenagers
And teenagers trying to go back to childhood

We play in the park like it will heal our inner child
We play make belief in our heads so maybe it will come true
But one day we lose our childhood
and we can't ever get it back

So each time I see a kid speeding through their years
I wish I could slow mine down
Stretch out the time that disappears

My voice is almost gone
It hurts to scream, but I can't stop
I yell, shout, howl, scream
anything to quench the anger
to stop the anger from boiling over
I punch the floor until I can no longer feel my knuckles
But its only barely enough to douse the flames
The rage still crawls under my skin
I beg the flames for mercy until I go insane
They can't hear me, or they ignore me
My head feels as if it will burst
My heart even worse
My lungs as if I am drowning

I scan the hallways for you
Wondering when you'll pop up
When we'll do our little highfive say hi
When I'll get to laugh at your jokes
Then I realize your off at college
Living your life
And i'm still in high school
Surviving without you
How do I do this?
I don't think I can.
To the 2025 seniors.
Man I miss you