I called. But you did not answer.
I left.
Said "I am ready"
Therefore, I love you.
I am caught between.
I have come from Point A to Point B-
Point A being days in the city.
Point B; it knows no bounds.
The distance between called.
I will give what I don't have.
Will be.
Angry.
I should know by now.
Foolish.
I want.
There is nothing more.
I have never been whatever this is.
I feel like loneliness.

I touch the burn on my leg
And I can feel you staring at my cheek
Yellow sheets
Shadow of my leg
My eyes are droopy
The bed frame reminds me of fencing
A hole in the wall
You talk about her & going away
Why am i standing?
This woman is selfish and it drives me crazy
Go home to your baby
Where is he?
There's bass
And i'm lonely
Wont someone kiss me?
Better yet - give me a reason not to jump four stories?
I want to cry
But I am so dry
and tired
My feet are tingling
And i'm thinking too much about everything
And no one is thinking of me
I nod and tell you I'm okay
But honestly
A word i know i say too much
A word thats lost its meaning
Like sorry
And i love you
But honestly
Im not okay
I don't know what to say
I don't belong here
Take me with you
Away from these faces
And away from this monster that i want to keep in me
I just wanted something to pick me up
But as always
I m drowning
I stay

Like old wooden floors,
I felt my bones creek.
Inside the frame of a window,
the world fed itself to me.
I absorbed everything.
Let out a quiet sigh.
Sprung into the clutches of the night.

The sound of the buzzer at three in the morning.
Deep sobbing
I wanted to fall to my knees.
Instead I called again and again until you answered me.
Sat on the bathroom floor,
howling.
I told you everything.
I could barely breathe.
Everything was fuzzy & my eyelids felt heavy.
The next day I saw the things he said to me.
I crumpled like a piece of paper.
Sank into my sheets.
A woman made me breakfast that morning.  
I wasn't okay, but I pretended to be.
There are too many to count.
All on my thigh.
My lover will see eventually.
And he will run & hide.
Why do I do these things?
One moment a man's got such a hold on me, the next I'm in another city.
Another mind entirely.
He's playing songs for me.
Kissing me in the only way I know how.
Who knew this one had a name?
"What's your favorite?" He asks me.
He's smoking cigarets & drinking whiskey.
I can feel the bit of red in his beard scratch at me.
"Say goodnight before he finds red on you." I tell myself.
"Say goodnight before he says goodbye."

Whiskey and stained teeth.
I smelt cigarettes on your lips.
Tangled bodies.
Whispered nothings.
Look at the mess we've made.
You have robbed me of my sleep.
This is everything I've wanted lately,
but i'm afraid you will destroy me.

find me at the bottom
in the disorder
i'm just stuck in this spot
forgive me if i'm ever on my knees
you are a cliffhanger ending
and i'm the one who doesn't know anything
you're making it hard for me
i'm anticipating
til I fall asleep
please don't lose hold of me
i'm not a lost cause
what you've given me is more than i can say
wish i could explain
i know i lose my heart so easily
tell me when you feel ready
sooner or later
i'll stay right here
till you're right here

Last night I said give me three. You gave me two more. It meant the world to me. This morning when the sleep was still hiding in the corner of our eyes, we counted, but only got to one, then had to leave. When we arrived again, the meter running; we tossed and turned. I felt the nape of your neck against me and mistook your blood pumping for your heart beat. You stood in the doorway, your glasses foggy. Tomorrow you'll give into me. Until then I'll try and come up with something important to say, something besides "I'm sorry" I'll try and tell you five things. But for now, all that's coming to mind is today, and I'm only counting three. You are really.... I know this may not be anything.... but at least in some way, we belong to one another. In this moment, that moves too quickly.  I fell asleep just after one thirty and dreamt of you as I often do. In this dream, you had a new name. But mine stayed the same. When I woke, I was afraid I would be late. But my body ached for you, for four. For tomorrow & the next day and however long you want me. Please say you still want me. Not just my body. I hope you were kidding. I promise, you mean so much more to me.