I would like to let you know the heroes that were going to save you have disappeared.

Darling,
Your eyes have dried out and you’re way too young.

You’re a child and I'm not a child any more.

You were a fire burning bright,
and I hope the little spark in me reignites.

You have grown weaker, my little heart, the weight of your guilt was too heavy.

You wont stop playing with the flames,
and my child I can’t feel the heat any more.

My love, my flesh and bone.

The fire will burn out,
and the ash and coal.

The harsh bright lights and here comes
the wake up call.

Take me back when didn't feel estranged from my skin and bones.

I am too you young to feel dragged by my throat
when I stutter under my breath

Forgive me for my adolescent mind, I do not think I have grown up yet.

I hide because I do not want to hear the tone of your voice saying my name.
Making me hate the day you named me.

I make myself believe that I am protecting you but I am only protecting myself.
I am selfish and I have been lying to you.

But my love we have lied to each other consistently


I am here.
I am your fears, your guilt your stress your forgotten imagination.
I am not your reality.

I am you nostalgia for a lie.
I am your unachieved dreams.
Your failures.
Your regret.
Your denial.

I am not what you are.
I am not what you want me to be.
I am not what is in front of you.
I am not what is in front of me.

I fear the day when it’s too late and my sanity forces me to dig in the grown just for the touch of your skin against mine.

Why are we so afraid?
When will you stop?

I am not going to stop reminding you that I am your daughter.

The smoke from your cigarette is forming shapes, you imagine make believe characters of your own.

Headlights of cars passing by are forming shadows on the wall.


The ticking clock disturbs you.

You are your own brain’s little tricks.

Your chapters are a colliding mess.


Your secrets are just time vessels.

You inject yourself with melodies, but it’s a temporary escape.


Your vanes are made of silk, your blood feels like shards of glass cutting through.


Warm feathers cover you, protected by a metal shield.

You mistake your acquaintances as demons.

Your terrors are the ones who keep you company.


Your hands quiver as you write this on a piece of paper that it’s future is to be torn.

You lay there with him trying not to run away.

Biting your lips.
Trying not to scream.
Trying not to push him, even though every part of you despises him.

His sweaty body on top of yours.
You’re disgusted by his heavy breathing.
Your body is limp, but he’s too self-centred to notice you.
His grip suffocates you.

But my darling you’re not with him now.

You are here with me.
You are a crook an I'm a fool for you.
You are helpless and desperate.
You need me.
You hold me tight.

Holding for your life.

You kiss me as if today and those minutes are all we have left.

I kiss you as you wrap your arms around my neck.
Keeping me close.

My fingertips are digging in your back.
You take a deep breath and hold me tighter.

Our skin moulding together as one.
One beautiful and complete creature.
It dances so gracefully to the music
that we make.
With each breath, moan, touch, and kiss.
You are my drug and I'm addicted.

We live for these few minutes.
Where we are high on each other. Where we forget where we are.
But eventually.
Eventually you will let go and I will too.
Eventually you will go back to him.
Eventually you will go back to being miserable.

Until we get those minutes back.

We are women.

There’s you, me and her.


She lives with her heart on the ground beat, run over and almost dead.

She lies because she doesn't recognize the truth any more.

She let you down, but that’s the only direction she knows.

Shattered pieces of glass left behind. There’s not much of her now.

She fears sobriety.

Her limbs are shaking.

Her bones turning into ashes.


I'm unstable but I'm not broken like her.

You say we’re all the same.

I don’t want to be you. A bore sane and plain.


Let her go.  Leave her be.

For the sake of me let her go.  Leave her in disguise, even though she’s
naked in front of you.

We’re naked in front of you.

You sweat and you shiver so fast for most people to realize.

A pen frightens you.

You let it slip.

I grew up with you attached to me.
You have been burned and cut.
You have written words I would never let myself utter.

I haven’t been careful with you.

You have held significant others within you.
You have held infants.
You have touched every surface that compelled you.
You have wiped tears.
You have held cigarettes.
And you have created.

Don’t let the pen slip.

Have you exhausted your words?
Have you grown tired of them?
Are my thoughts flashing by you and you can’t seem keep up?

Please move.

Surprise me with a reply that is mirroring my thoughts.

Help me.

Reach down my throat and pull out the knot that suffocates me.
I want the chaos within me to move you restlessly.
I will let my body go numb but don’t stop.

Take my mind as a map and run.
Run to every corner and every road.
Dig in the ground and follow the cracks.
Destroy my walls.
Leave more chaos but don’t stop.

Let my eyes guide you whether in light or darkness.

Just please, do not stop writing.

As I ride my bike.

All I see is darkness in front of me.

All I hear is the soft classical music in my ears.

The full moon above me.

The city lights are in waves, vibrating, dancing to the music
My thoughts, my legs like the wheels, unstoppable.

They’re taking me places.

Kidnapping me from this world.

This world where leaders are misleading.
Playing chess with our minds, misplacing.

All we are is a globe sized mad house.
The insane are in command.
And the sane are overthrown.

Mistakes are mistaken for corrections.
White lies growing up to be dark lies.

Humanity is worthless while objects are worthwhile.

All it did is keeping me misguided .
Reunited with the feelings of confusion that what we call our world had led me to.

I got all of these thoughts and they’re meaningless.
I have all of this fear and it’s insignificant.

One day I might have the strength to do something.
To stop and lend a hand.

But for now and the coward of a soul in me.

I ride.

I ride to the dark.

The rushing air captivates my body.

The music overshadowing my brain.

Thoughts fleeing as my legs paddle faster.

I find comfort in the speed.

I find comfort in the darkness.

I find comfort in the light.

I find comfort in letting my thoughts go.

You have started battles within me.

My love for you is a war.

I am fighting the hurt.
The longing.
The depression.

I am fighting, and I have grown tired of battling myself.
Restricting myself.
I am deranged, battered bruised and scarred.

I have grown tired, and I am afraid of the dust clearing up.

I am giving in.

I surrender.

I surrender myself fully to you.
I surrender my arms and let them wrap around you.
I surrender my lungs and only breathe the breath you exhale.
I surrender my lips and kiss the skin that covers you.

My armour crumbles at your touch.
My knees are weak at the sight of you.

You have invaded my mind with everlasting images of you.

You have won.

Now please, chain me down.

To you and the time that may or may not come.

My life is short.

What you have brought me now is what I wish for and more.

I despise the day you take it all away.

When my happiness collides with others fear of what I may become. Of what I already am.

The time when I have to be demolished, forgotten and worthless.

I'm hopeless for the future.

Destiny is a scam I once believed in.

I left my destiny in your invisible hand.

I have wasted my time with knees on the ground bruised, scratched and bleeding.

Repeating those words, hoping for forgiveness.

I'm unworthy of your unspoken words.

I might be corrupt in your eyes but I love it.

Yours Unfaithfully.