2 o'clock and 47 minutes.

I've been awake at this time for a week now.
I'm laying on my bedroom floor.
I find the ceiling comforting.

2 o'clock and 47 minutes.
My heart is racing and I'm weak.

2:47 and I have forgotten everything I've done outside of this room.

It’s 2:47
My bedroom is filled with smoke.
Forming shapes of soldiers battling over me.
I am wounded I can’t feel my limbs and my head is heavy.
I  feel the vibration underneath me, of feet digging into the ground, running.

It’s 2:47
I am a soldier.
My armour has failed me.
I am bleeding.
I am cold.

It’s 2:47 and all I see is white.
Does this how death feels like.
Empty.
Cold.
Dull.

It’s 2:47 and I'm floating. I see the sky above me, stars are shining brighter than I have ever seen the sun shine.
I foolishly  expected the stars to warm me.

It’s 2:47 and I'm laying next to the enemy.
She’s battered and wounded, too.

It’s 2:47 and the enemy is beautiful. She’s laying next to me. I see her lungs rising and falling and I'm amazed at every shallow breath she takes.

2:47 She’s in front of me.
Her naked back.
My gaze is tracing the architecture of her body.
Her spine, shoulder blades, neck.

2:47 She turns facing me.

2:47 I want her.

2:47 She’s the enemy.

2:47 She is the enemy whose whispers are sharper than a sword.

Her words can flood empires within me.

A touch and I'm frozen.
A kiss and I'm melting in her arms.


It’s 12 o'clock and in 2 hours and 47 minutes I’ll get to see her.

In 2 hours and 47 minutes I'll get to be with her.


It’s 2:47 and my bedroom is filled with smoke again.

It’s 2:48 and she’s gone.

You have started battles within me.

My love for you is a war.

I am fighting the hurt.
The longing.
The depression.

I am fighting, and I have grown tired of battling myself.
Restricting myself.
I am deranged, battered bruised and scarred.

I have grown tired, and I am afraid of the dust clearing up.

I am giving in.

I surrender.

I surrender myself fully to you.
I surrender my arms and let them wrap around you.
I surrender my lungs and only breathe the breath you exhale.
I surrender my lips and kiss the skin that covers you.

My armour crumbles at your touch.
My knees are weak at the sight of you.

You have invaded my mind with everlasting images of you.

You have won.

Now please, chain me down.

Dear Speaker,
You are my keeper.
Keep me from saying the words I am too afraid to say.

Dear Speaker,
I am weaker.
When I speak I do not like what I hear. It’s not whole. It’s not complete.

Dear Speaker,
I want you to stop.
The letters and words you utter do not define me.

Dear Speaker,
Your words are failing.
You are failing.

Dear Speaker,
My throat is swollen with words unspoken.

Dear Speaker,
Do not bother with me.
My silence is not for you to consume.

Dear Speaker,
Ask yourself, what if.

What if the air could speak.
Will it tell stories of last breathes?

What if the earth could preach.
Will it make our ears bleed?

And what if.

What if I could speak.
What if I was able to speak.
What if my throat is not heavy any more.
What if my voice stops shaking.
What if my lips stops quivering.

Dear Speaker,
I would say it all. I would put it all on the table until it sinks in the ground.

Dear Speaker,
Why don’t you listen?

You lay there with him trying not to run away.

Biting your lips.
Trying not to scream.
Trying not to push him, even though every part of you despises him.

His sweaty body on top of yours.
You’re disgusted by his heavy breathing.
Your body is limp, but he’s too self-centred to notice you.
His grip suffocates you.

But my darling you’re not with him now.

You are here with me.
You are a crook an I'm a fool for you.
You are helpless and desperate.
You need me.
You hold me tight.

Holding for your life.

You kiss me as if today and those minutes are all we have left.

I kiss you as you wrap your arms around my neck.
Keeping me close.

My fingertips are digging in your back.
You take a deep breath and hold me tighter.

Our skin moulding together as one.
One beautiful and complete creature.
It dances so gracefully to the music
that we make.
With each breath, moan, touch, and kiss.
You are my drug and I'm addicted.

We live for these few minutes.
Where we are high on each other. Where we forget where we are.
But eventually.
Eventually you will let go and I will too.
Eventually you will go back to him.
Eventually you will go back to being miserable.

Until we get those minutes back.

We are women.

There’s you, me and her.


She lives with her heart on the ground beat, run over and almost dead.

She lies because she doesn't recognize the truth any more.

She let you down, but that’s the only direction she knows.

Shattered pieces of glass left behind. There’s not much of her now.

She fears sobriety.

Her limbs are shaking.

Her bones turning into ashes.


I'm unstable but I'm not broken like her.

You say we’re all the same.

I don’t want to be you. A bore sane and plain.


Let her go.  Leave her be.

For the sake of me let her go.  Leave her in disguise, even though she’s
naked in front of you.

We’re naked in front of you.

We are story lines clashing, each person has their own.

But I'm here to write about mine and whatever I know about yours.

My story line is not yours.

I don’t control yours and you don’t control mine.

But that is not what’s happening here.

I'm not your string puppet.

I cut the ropes and left myself limp.

You refuse to see that the ropes are no longer there.

My grin and your alligator tears.

Your disgust and my dishonesty.

Aren't we perfect for each other.

I'm tired yet addicted.

When the bitter cup of coffee parts my lips, I inhale the freshly lit cigarette, those two combination leave a smile upon my face, pleased and amused of where this story is headed to.

To you and the time that may or may not come.

My life is short.

What you have brought me now is what I wish for and more.

I despise the day you take it all away.

When my happiness collides with others fear of what I may become. Of what I already am.

The time when I have to be demolished, forgotten and worthless.

I'm hopeless for the future.

Destiny is a scam I once believed in.

I left my destiny in your invisible hand.

I have wasted my time with knees on the ground bruised, scratched and bleeding.

Repeating those words, hoping for forgiveness.

I'm unworthy of your unspoken words.

I might be corrupt in your eyes but I love it.

Yours Unfaithfully.

The smoke from your cigarette is forming shapes, you imagine make believe characters of your own.

Headlights of cars passing by are forming shadows on the wall.


The ticking clock disturbs you.

You are your own brain’s little tricks.

Your chapters are a colliding mess.


Your secrets are just time vessels.

You inject yourself with melodies, but it’s a temporary escape.


Your vanes are made of silk, your blood feels like shards of glass cutting through.


Warm feathers cover you, protected by a metal shield.

You mistake your acquaintances as demons.

Your terrors are the ones who keep you company.


Your hands quiver as you write this on a piece of paper that it’s future is to be torn.

As I ride my bike.

All I see is darkness in front of me.

All I hear is the soft classical music in my ears.

The full moon above me.

The city lights are in waves, vibrating, dancing to the music
My thoughts, my legs like the wheels, unstoppable.

They’re taking me places.

Kidnapping me from this world.

This world where leaders are misleading.
Playing chess with our minds, misplacing.

All we are is a globe sized mad house.
The insane are in command.
And the sane are overthrown.

Mistakes are mistaken for corrections.
White lies growing up to be dark lies.

Humanity is worthless while objects are worthwhile.

All it did is keeping me misguided .
Reunited with the feelings of confusion that what we call our world had led me to.

I got all of these thoughts and they’re meaningless.
I have all of this fear and it’s insignificant.

One day I might have the strength to do something.
To stop and lend a hand.

But for now and the coward of a soul in me.

I ride.

I ride to the dark.

The rushing air captivates my body.

The music overshadowing my brain.

Thoughts fleeing as my legs paddle faster.

I find comfort in the speed.

I find comfort in the darkness.

I find comfort in the light.

I find comfort in letting my thoughts go.